Privet

NOT DEAD YET!

45 posts in this topic

Thank you!

Trick with food is good but one of my problems is overeating so I have discovered that many times it's easier to fall asleep when I'm rather a little hungry.

Also I believe (guess) that mostly the cause of my inability to fall asleep is the hormone imbalance because of masturbation, especially edging. I don't really have mania problem, meditation calmed this pattern of my behaviour. I can be calm and still not able to sleep.

   @Akim

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I couldn't fall asleep for over 30 hours yesterday despite exhaustion. The shit is harsh, I wish I could know for sure what exactly is that, if my guess about homeostasis and hormone backslash is true or not. At some moments I suffered so badly that I felt like I'm about to get enlightened, I was spontaneously aware of every damn subtle thought and curious of it's nature.

I didn't meditate for two days and noticed that I am way more unconscious. But I'm afraid to start again because the nofap consequence isn't gone, I have some very intense inner impulse, I suppose it's related do dopamine because it's related to motivation therefore I have impulse, and disciplining myself too much in this curcumstances can cause severe backslash.

I didn't fap today again. It seems that I have lost attraction to porn. Jokes about dicks and anuses are suddenly not funny for me. Also it seems that my fetishes and sex preferences are gone, usual sex seems attractive enough. It was a really suprising discovery.

I still experience benefits on the background also. Aliveness of reality, not being a vegetable in social interactions.

I decided that I will do weekly announcements every sunday and make a notification on my phone to not forget, there have to be some sense of course/direction.

This week:

I keep nofap and daily journaling.

I don't have to meditate but if this impulse feeling gets better then I get back to '90 minutes a day', because it fucking works.

I will focus on fixing my sleeping pattern. Now I get up at 11-12. I will try to get up at 9 and not miss a day this week, I wish that was 6 but I'm too fucked to make it right away. Can't make any predictions and rules, but I emphasize my attention on that like I did with nofap. I will make two notifications on the phone prior to the time that I have to go to bed, first to handle shit and get ready to go to bed and second to go to bed.

Edited by Privet

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shinzen's Insight on sleep problems related and irrelevant to meditation, I will definately use the advice. Didn't sleep today again.

https://youtu.be/DUQFw2jNf7s

Would you believe that one of the most enlightened masters can have an addiction to procrastination to such a degree that he needs a psychiatrist? Drop your silly notion about enlightenment!

https://youtu.be/bGy2PdVzNMU

Edited by Privet

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great videos, thanks for posting, I think I should watch more Shinzen Young.

Regarding sexuality I think in modern culture we pumper, feed and tease this beast way too much with masterfully engineered stimulation, tailored to all varieties of people. And the very ethics of modern western society is all about sexual liberation, expression, uniqueness and creativity. May be we need that after repressions and horrors that we had in earlier stricter societies where people also did not have birth control and ways to prevent diseases. If you discover the value of sexual abstinence this may seem very appealing, but too much change too fast destabilize the organism and freaks out the sexuality system that we grown so much.

I think one should try to cope and integrate different aspects of his personality, I look at it as trying to survive and thrive in unknown environment kind of thing, where you try to explore, find food, heal your wounds, learn what works for you, experiment but cautiously and also building a strong infrastructure to fall back to. And if you needs help in a form of medication or professional, there is nothing wrong with that.

Edited by Akim
typo in engineered

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I got to bed early and tried to not move, I was also breathing slowly for around an hour to calm down my heartbeat. I felt really peaceful when urges to move passed, at some point I was so still that it was like I'm the part of the bed.

I had to move because when you remain in one position over an hour your urges to move go away, but eventually some more solid and intense urge comes, somewhere close to 2 hours or so, depends. But I tried to not move in new position again until strong urge comes.

Some weird phenomenon happened in the middle of the night and it happened to me before in previous Nofap streaks. I suppose it is related to hormone change too. I was asleep or close to sleep state and I suddenly feel like my consciousness gets very weird, like I'm losing consciousness and feel horror sensation simultaneously. It stimulates and scares me and I get out of sleepy state and I become very awake. My theory is that either it's because my brain tries to fall asleep deeper and something prevents and wakes me up or that something just wakes me up suddenly in that nasty way. I have heard that testosterone is the hormone that wakes you up in the morning, and that Nofap raises testosterone therefore I came up with this idea. Also my friend reported that he had panic attacks at nights when he served in the army (he was abstaining), and another friend mentioned that he had panic attacks when he was taking steroids due to some disease.

I couldn't wake up at 9 as I planned, I lay in the bed and was snoozing alarm for an hour or so. My body needs a lot of stimulation to awaken even if I don't use the alarm, it takes around 20-40 minutes to gain conscious control, this is why I switch off the alarm and fall back asleep even though I don't keep it in bed and I have to get up to snooze it, I am completely unaware of that, this state is very weird, it feels like I'm lost in some thought loop and can't externalize and focus out and at the same time it makes me butthurt because I have no conscious control of my attention. I called a friend and asked her to control me in mornings, she will call and check that I don't go back to the bed until I gain conscious control.

Edited by Privet

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now