arberor

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Edited by arberor
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Why don't you just accept the next offer? If you don't like working there, you can look for another job which fits more of your criteria. But you have the advantage of already living in said country and got used to it, having learnt the language, and you can use the job you quit as reference. Maybe you're just not ready yet to jump all the way up and need a step in between? At least that's what seems sensible to me, if you sent away 400 applications...

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@arberor you’re kinda all over the place man. Do you meditate every morning? That would be the way to start. Calm your mind, then plan / make decisions. 

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@arberor You are over worked and under rested you have your hand in too many pots at one time. Your human Slow the fuck down.

My first priority would be to find a job that is in your field that gives you a reasonable time off. My impression of you from your post is you are a type A workaholic and perfectionist. I could be wrong but that is my impression. You need time off

I have seen people in burnout and you fit the bill my friend.  Your mind is working so fast you can not even take a deep breath.

Call in tomorrow and take a day off and breathe.... just breathe and do absolutely nothing because that is the hardest thing for you to do. Then REST. 

If you keep up this pace you are going to burn out and self destruct.

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@arberor you’re kinda all over the place man. Do you meditate every morning? That would be the way to start. Calm your mind, then plan / make decisions. 

I agree with Nahm but that would come after you get some rest for your mind and body. Right now you are in a mental tail spin and you do not know what side is up. 

1 SLOW THE FUCK DOWN

2 Take some time off even if it is a day or two if you have vacation time take it.

3 Get a reasonable job that affords rest and spare time.

 

 

 

Edited by Source_Mystic
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" The more I change to adapt to life ,The more life adapts to change me "

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@arberor Ok your not a workaholic  or a perfectionist you were just living life like one., But you are saying you are a type a personality that likes to be in control.  I guess you have to do some deep searching then and ask yourself what is most important in your life. Then build that one piece at a time.

I  understand being undervalued at a job. My advice for that would be find another job. 

The jobs that you self sabotaged you should be more upset with yourself than another. You seem like you have been under a enormous pressure for a good amount of time.   You seem to be angry and jaded and talking things personally.  There might be underlining  issues  that you might want to explore with a counselor. You may have to work though these issues with someone to get past them. Know one here can get to the core of the problem . The best you can get is some of us pointing you in a direction that might help .

Good luck

5 hours ago, arberor said:

@Source_Mystic

 - No I'm not a workaholic or a perfectionist (I do the things I do because I don't have any other choice) but you can say that I'm a person who loves control.

- I have already done that. After the first interview that I sabotage, immediately I was made aware that if I'm not calm and happy I can say goodbye to my priorities and goals. So from that period I take a full sunday off, I even took two or three weeks off. I have taken the decision to go in one direction, but I can't stick to it for very long. 

- I tend to procrastinate (that's unusual for me), something is trying to resist the path that I took the decision to follow, thats why I have these conflicting ideas in my head. One possible speculation for this behavior could be the resentment that have built up for months towards the people that rejected my application (although I lie to myself by thinking that didn't affect me). Because I didn't just apply to positions (like a goose), I went above and beyond to reach that goal, I networked like crazy (you should just see my phone bills), and the results were not pretty. The people that appear civilized and open minded are not like that at all. The final idea from that is " they don't deserve me" which I'm trying to work on to change. But this is not an influencing belief because I don't hold it true, this means that it should not affect behavior as much as it does.

 

Edited by Source_Mystic
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" The more I change to adapt to life ,The more life adapts to change me "

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@arberor that’s good, me too. I agree with @Source_Mystic ‘s line of thinking. The solution is somewhere between a weekend away and or a few therapy sessions - given that an hour a day of meditation isn’t sustaining the clarity you desire. I assume that you’ve already adjusted your diet so your energy is high & consistent, and your clarity is on purpose.  When I’m overwhelmed, I always write things out on my chalk board wall. I reduce it all down as far as possible. I end up with a single actionable item, like find a better job, then the next time I meditate down to the void, I pick a tiny “it’s possible” thought / or “I feel good about ______” , I and start a thought tree on it. Then soon after, I have visceral clarity on it, like “shit, that’s all I needed to figure out?, man I was so caught up in it”. Get’s Me back to one day at a time enjoyment of life.  

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1 hour ago, arberor said:

@Source_Mystic

Thank you for sharing your view on the discussion that we are having. I got a lot of good insights from it. Your help is deeply appreciated.

 @arberor Glad I could help

@Nahm  With me it is Vis-a-vis  wet erase markers.  I almost always have a full white board or large mirror to spill out my mind. 

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" The more I change to adapt to life ,The more life adapts to change me "

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