My Fear With Contribution

[kieranperez]

Hey guys.. So I've really been looking deep into why I have the following issues with people...

• Why I always get into altercations with people
• Why I have such a strong sense of defensiveness that causes these altercations with people
• Why I don't let anyone in anymore
• Why I choose to avoid people more than ever now

List goes on and on...

Well here's what I came up with...

Due to the fact that I've always struggled socially and used to get picked on a lot, I've developed such a strong insecure sense of defensiveness simply because it's my way of keeping myself intact in some way. If my ego feels threatened, I tend to lash out now just to protect myself out of insecurity.  However, I'm so sick of always getting into problems with people that I simply avoid people now. This has really hurt me because it's lead me to having such horrible interpersonal skills with people now. I feel so uncomfortable that I'm afraid to just be myself and I can't stop lying to people too now. 

Now onto the title of this post - I struggle so much pursuing my career (real estate) because I just want to avoid issues with people now. I'm 1 Final Exam away from earning my Real Estate license but since it's a career involving people and contributing to clients, having great EFFECTIVE interpersonal/influential skills, and what not... I avoid doing anything towards it entirely. I've developed so many enemies with people and feel so uncomfortable with people and don't trust my people skills and so much more that I don't know what to do to get past this and really grow in this area of my life. 

[Nahm]

@kieranperez you need some now. The past is negatively effecting your nowness. 

Let the past go. I can relate big time to your current paradigm. I found what I needed was meditation every morning, and understanding wise, quantum physics, specifically, quantum erasure. 

Not only does the past not exist, but it did not happen, and most certainly, scientifically, it did not happen in any remote way as you remember it. What is happening, is an expansion. So, allow yourself to expand. Keep your focus on what you’ve learned and the usefulness of your experiences, as in, you know what thoughts you don’t want, so you know better now, what thoughts you do want. Write those thoughts on a piece of paper and tape it to the wall. It will change your thinking traJectory. Godspeed!  Do you remember fun? 

Side note, on the synchronicity tip, my realtor just texted me as I was typing this comment, so I’m inspired to share. Perhaps it meets you well. He is on a 3 day weekend getaway vacation and he’s texting me. I didn’t answer to his question, instead I replied “get back to non-work!”. He said, you’re closing on three houses next week Nahm, there is a lot we need to stay on top of. I replied “get back to non-work”. To which he replied....”I’ll share a secret with you Nahm,... I don’t work, I’m a realtor”. 

Awwww❤️   

[Emptystickfigure]

5 hours ago, kieranperez said:

Hey guys.. So I've really been looking deep into why I have the following issues with people...

• Why I always get into altercations with people
• Why I have such a strong sense of defensiveness that causes these altercations with people
• Why I don't let anyone in anymore
• Why I choose to avoid people more than ever now

List goes on and on...

Well here's what I came up with...

Due to the fact that I've always struggled socially and used to get picked on a lot, I've developed such a strong insecure sense of defensiveness simply because it's my way of keeping myself intact in some way. If my ego feels threatened, I tend to lash out now just to protect myself out of insecurity.  However, I'm so sick of always getting into problems with people that I simply avoid people now. This has really hurt me because it's lead me to having such horrible interpersonal skills with people now. I feel so uncomfortable that I'm afraid to just be myself and I can't stop lying to people too now. 

Now onto the title of this post - I struggle so much pursuing my career (real estate) because I just want to avoid issues with people now. I'm 1 Final Exam away from earning my Real Estate license but since it's a career involving people and contributing to clients, having great EFFECTIVE interpersonal/influential skills, and what not... I avoid doing anything towards it entirely. I've developed so many enemies with people and feel so uncomfortable with people and don't trust my people skills and so much more that I don't know what to do to get past this and really grow in this area of my life. 

People say to just move on, but I respectfully disagree.

If you want to interact with people more, you need to find a way to deal with your anger. Write angry journal/diary entries, no matter how gruesome they are, punch a pillow and curse it! As long as you don't live in an apartment, or anything like that. The first stage to getting better is admitting that those things in your youth affects you now. 

Your anger and issues won't go away in one day, but it will go away. Or at least decrease a lot. Depending on how angry you are, it may take awhile. Good luck!

[aurum]

@kieranperez

@Nahmand @Emptystickfigure made good suggestions. Start handling your inner emotional world.

I'm also going to add on top of them what I see as the most obvious solution of all: you need to practice your social skills.

That means going out and actually interacting with people. Go to networking events. Go talk to some pretty girls. Whatever is actually going to motivate you to start gaining those experiences you need.

This is the one thing you don't want to because you've linked it to pain, but that's why you have to do it. This isn't going to resolve itself just by you sitting in your room and meditating. It's a skill and you have to practice it.

 

[LaucherJunge]

@kieranperez
I feel like you should drop your perfectionism and resistance to failure and negativity, negativity in the sense of having people with a negative attitude towards you. They are what will make you grow and rise above your shadow in the end if you stop resisting it and give in. Of course this might be hard at first, but it will become easier over time. If you stay positive about their negativity it could change faster than you think. What you resist persists, so don't.