self sabotage

[Olaf]

I was watching a dating program and this guy was with a girl and I saw him completly sabotage everything. He would be very rude, every opportunity to make a fight he would take it and go way too far and aggressive, which any normal woman would be completly alienated by. This is why I like to watch dating programs, because you get to really observe certain patterns that you might have yourself, I learned allot from different dating programs on television. I notice that I self sabotage sometimes when approaching a woman, either in the first few seconds or after 2 mins of talking, I eject or find an excuse to go away. I am proud of myself that I do it way less and less, and that I am now more aware of my self sabotage behaviour. Ultimately I think that is the only way to get over it, not by force, but awareness and being able to catch yourself on doing it, then when you catch yourself you can make a decision in that 1 second that it arises to not go with that running feeling. Stay just a few seconds longer in the set then you are comfortable with, this helped me allot aswell as making every set just a bit longer, meaning first set 30 seconds, next one 1 min, next on 2 mins etc. What helped you overcome self sabotage? I think it is an interesting topic both to observe in others and in myself. 

Edited Thursday at 12:30 AM by Olaf

[Natasha Tori Maru]

14 minutes ago, Olaf said:

I was watching a dating program and this guy was with a girl and I saw him completly sabotage everything. He would be very rude, every opportunity to make a fight he would take it and go way too far and aggressive, which any normal woman would be completly alienated by.

Do you think he had something to prove, or was defending himself? What was the context prior to his uncalibrated behaviour?

[Olaf]

@Natasha Tori Maru It was more like everything went too well and he couldn't recieve it, he had to sabotage it

[Nercohype]

I have sabotaged myself many times. Whenever I hit it off with a girl I've just started chatting with, I somehow always end up disappearing from the scene. Like a fart in a desert. 

Like, one time a girl was sitting on my lap, telling me how she wasn't going home alone that night. And what did I do? I left her there, went to get some pizza, and then went home alone. 😅

I always seem to disappear whenever I get the chance. I think it's mostly because I'm too afraid to take things further and bring her home. I'm afraid I won't be good enough. I'm scared that the next morning she'll look at me like I'm some kind of sewer rat. 😁

[Olaf]

@Nercohype Okay good to know I am not the only one haha. I was looking into it and found some information on it, it's called fear of success, which many times even is stronger then approach anxiety. 

 

[Nercohype]

@Olaf Haha, no worries! 😁 We're in the same boat.

Yeah, fear of success is exactly what it is. I feel that way about a lot of things, not just women. But I believe we can do this. We just need to dive in headfirst and go balls deep! (No pun intended.) 😁

[Etherial Cat]

On 29/10/2026 at 1:26 AM, Olaf said:

I was watching a dating program and this guy was with a girl and I saw him completly sabotage everything. He would be very rude, every opportunity to make a fight he would take it and go way too far and aggressive, which any normal woman would be completly alienated by. This is why I like to watch dating programs, because you get to really observe certain patterns that you might have yourself, I learned allot from different dating programs on television. I notice that I self sabotage sometimes when approaching a woman, either in the first few seconds or after 2 mins of talking, I eject or find an excuse to go away. I am proud of myself that I do it way less and less, and that I am now more aware of my self sabotage behaviour. Ultimately I think that is the only way to get over it, not by force, but awareness and being able to catch yourself on doing it, then when you catch yourself you can make a decision in that 1 second that it arises to not go with that running feeling. Stay just a few seconds longer in the set then you are comfortable with, this helped me allot aswell as making every set just a bit longer, meaning first set 30 seconds, next one 1 min, next on 2 mins etc. What helped you overcome self sabotage? I think it is an interesting topic both to observe in others and in myself. 

Likely an avoidant attachment style

The good news is that there are many many great videos about it on Youtube. The bad news is that it takes a good amount of inner work to change the trend.

I lost a man I really liked last year to it. The guy has sabotaged our relationship so bad he made a fuss about me not wanting to stay friends and then when I offered to meet for some coffee months later, he wasn't even able to follow up.