strugglng to recieve woman that are into me

[Olaf]

I have been going out allot and I have had many woman showing interest/attraction towards me and I know it and I see it, maybe I can't believe it, but that is another thing. And I don't know why, but I struggle to recieve it. I struggle to recieve a girl that is interested in me, it is almost easier if she isn't interested in me at all, because who cares, she is already not into me so there is nothing to lose.

I don't know why I find this difficult, I have so many times that I think back on my sets that I talked to that day and was like, why didn't I escelate any further? Why did I just let that opportunity go to waste and then only looking back I am like, she was into it, I could have moved things forward. I think this is one of my biggest issues with woman, my issue isn't approaching, my issue isn't even so much attraction, maybe I don't get attraction on a super high level like some advanced guy, but for me it is recieving the fucking attraction and being okay with the girl being attracted to me.

Maybe I am too busy with the thing that is not important, like too busy with some intention I am focused on that day, instead of busy actually making something happen. I think back about the last 2 months and there are so many opportunities that I have letten go to waste, it is almost like I black out in the moment and looking back I realise that she was into me and that I could have done something. 

Edited yesterday at 12:23 AM by Olaf

[Zenterus]

A part of you probably doesn't believe that you deserve the result.

That's why it's so important to do the inner work by facing your insecurities, trauma and fixing that personal relationship with yourself on top of taking action.

A step further from that is working on your look. A lot of guys don't want to admit this but that's one if their biggest insecurities — rightly so, because it matters. If you were in a state of mind where you damn near get a fucking hard-on every time you look at yourself in the mirror because you think you look sexy as hell, do you think you'd have an easier time escalating? Of course! Shiiiieeet, you might even feel like you're doing the girl a favour!

This is achieved by, again, the inner work but also working on your look: fashion, hygiene, grooming, working out, skin care, healthy eating, scent etc. That will improve your aesthetics and from there, if you lean on your strengths as a man and develop a unique look that empasizes those, you can start to also feel like a badass because of how raw, authentic and intentional your look is.

Babystep it. What are you insecure about? In what ways do you feel deficient as a man and human being? Are there any painful experiences that you're holding onto from your childhood? If so, what were they? How did they affect you? What beliefs have they formed in you about yourself, other people and the world as a whole? When you look at an attractive, confident man that you may admire, what are some beliefs and mindsets that make him who he is and how could you bridge that gap and develop those in yourself? 

You won't have simple, straight forward answers to these questions. If you're serious about this work, you should be filling up multiple journals on your process to untangling your psychology and installing better-serving software. But it's worth it.

Also..

WORK. ON. YOUR. LOOK. AND. FASHION.

I'm serious about this, dude. Don't listen to Owen. Looks matter, not only in how they influence your perception of yourself but also on how others treat you, which helps when you're trying to gather positive reference experiences that reinforce a stronger and more confident mindset.

Good luck out there!

 

 

Edited 18 hours ago by Zenterus

[Olaf]

@Zenterus Thanks man, there is definitely some inner work around this, I took shrooms this weekend for the first time and it was quite insightful around my insecurities and being more confident, I might need to do more mushrooms to really get deep, but also being sure to not fall into the water as I was doing it outside in nature, I had my friend with me who is a Sjamaan so he made sure everything went well. About the outer work, I just bought a new puffer jacked which gives a bit asshole vibes and I am gonna be working a job where I will be gaining allot of muscle due to intense lifting work up to 15kg, so I am working on it, I think also I need to eat way more if I want to gain more muscles, back in the day I did some lifting and was quite strong, but I lost most of it, but it isn't that hard to get it back. I think the mix of both would be best. I like the frame of "they are lucky to do me" that is almost a complete reverse perspective. thanks man for your advice. 

[aurum]

Sounds like you believe you are not good enough for her.

You gotta work that out. Or at least talk to women you are more comfortable with.

 

 

[Emerald]

I'm going to ask a few questions to see what it might be?

1. Is there a concern that escalating to something physical is or will perceived as bad/unethical/predatory? Or is there a fear that it is bad/unethical/predatory? (This one can come up relative to the drama triangle (hero, villain, victim) when someone sees themselves as the villain and others as the victim.)

2. Is there a concern that escalating will cause her to suddenly "uno reverse" you and be like, "Wtf are you doing?" even if she's shown tons of overt interest?

3. Is there an avoidance of steps you don't have a lot of experience with? Like, you know how to approach and spark attraction? But maybe you're fuzzy on how to actually go in for a kiss?

4. Are the women you're attracting women you genuinely want something physical with? Are you avoiding getting physical because you don't actually want to?

5. Do you have body insecurities... like fears of having your body seen by a woman? Similarly, do you have performance insecurities?

6. Is there a fear of losing the shield of surface-level interactions.. and having something that gets closer to intimacy and being seen for who you are?

7. Are there fears of pregnancy or STDs?

8. Is it an identity thing? Like, "I'm not the kind of person who does this."

9. Is there a sense that you have to "earn" sex or physical affection from a woman? And maybe you feel like you haven't done enough to deserve it... or there's something undeserving about you? (Note: Earning/deserving aren't even real. Women's attractions are never earned. They just happen because feelings arise.)

There are probably some others I could ask. But let me know if any of these resonate.

Edited 8 hours ago by Emerald

[Olaf]

@Emerald probably 5, 6, 8 and 9 and maybe a little bit of 2

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Olaf said:

@Emerald probably 5, 6, 8 and 9 and maybe a little bit of 2

So, it seems like there's a fear of being seen... and a fear that you'll be seen as not enough or undeserving in some way.

It could be that the way that you're learning to increase your attractiveness might further make you feel that you're not enough as you are to be attractive to a woman. When in reality, the strategies are just getting you used to being bolder and more social... but aren't fundamentally increasing your level of attractiveness on the being level.

I think that's one of the downsides of learning attraction strategies. It can feel like, "Without these strategies, women won't find me attractive." When in reality, the strategies' main benefit is just getting you out of your comfort zone and talking to women.

It's like Dumbo's magic feather... where he believes he can't fly without his magic feather. But the power to fly had nothing to do with the feather.

The reality is that most women are attracted to men. And if you're a relatively normal guy (and you seem so), you will be attractive to some women just because you exist as you do. And it hasn't got much to do with strategies... other than that the strategy was to talk to women.

So, when it comes to getting closer physically or emotionally with a woman... there's a sense that you can't use a strategy to seemingly increase your attractiveness like you would with approaching. Instead, it's just yourself.

And that might feel vulnerable because, if you're rejected while you're doing a strategy... it's just "Oh well. The strategy didn't work."

But if you're rejected while you're not doing a strategy and just being yourself, it feels like it means something about you.

And perhaps there are even beliefs that women won't be interested in a guy who isn't constantly performing a certain version of Masculinity. But that's not true.

I don't know if this will resonate or fit with your exact concerns. But it's something to think about.

[Olaf]

I wouldn't say I 100% agree with you. But I do feel that a deeper level of rejection would hurt more then a superficial rejection that I am experiencing right now, due to being less vunerable and intimate.