Approach Anxiety

[Olaf]

I still have approach anxiety, but probably less then most people on here. I think the biggest thing that helped me with approach anxiety was to just approach more. You can do all kind of letting go work, but if you don't take action all that work is for nothing. I know a wingmen who does endless letting go work and he approaches no one maybe 3 people each time max, I literally get introverted being with him, because of his approach anxiety, I would have less approach anxiety going alone then with him hahaha.

Now I am definitely not perfect, ask Zenterus, I got allot of shit to work on, but I would say that I atleast approach at the end of the day, which is a very important start. So no amount of inner work will make you have 0 approach anxiety, I have approach anxiety even when I approach 4 days a week at the moment, it doesn't matter, just take action anyways and over time it becomes more normal and anxiety will become less and less, sometimes it will be as small as a tiny nerve.

Now I have days where my first set I don't feel any approach anxiety, so yes that is possible, but don't expect that to happen in the first 2 months and even then it swings one day you are full of approach anxiety other days you have almost no approach anxiety. Sometimes the approach anxiety goes away and then it comes back, but ultimately you got to grow a pair of balls. This is the reason why you also should go out alone sometimes. I approached a very attractive girl alone last week and I definitely grew some balls from that, because she was a very intimidating girl, that even with a wing I probably wouldn't have approached her. The worst that can happen is that she rejects you, but if you never approach you will never know?

Maybe the girl that is your future wife is one approach away and how cool is it that you didn't get her through some dating app, but by you being confident and bold to actually go for it and that sober without any alcohol. I think that if you do it that way, you deserve it more then any other guy who is too shy to approach, because why would he be worthy of any woman? He has no balls whatsoever. 

[Inliytened1]

I still have approach anxiety and my body count is probably near 300.  You will always have that.  When you stop having it I would worry. 

[Olaf]

@Inliytened1 yes I think that it is just okay, aslong as it is not over the top where you can't approach for hours long or days, at some point you got to approach also the longer you wait the more anxiety builds up and then when you approach all that anxiety comes on the girl lol. That is why I try to decide if I want to approach someone or not in a few seconds max and otherwise let it go. 

[Inliytened1]

14 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Inliytened1 yes I think that it is just okay, aslong as it is not over the top where you can't approach for hours long or days, at some point you got to approach also the longer you wait the more anxiety builds up and then when you approach all that anxiety comes on the girl lol. That is why I try to decide if I want to approach someone or not in a few seconds max and otherwise let it go. 

I have one worse.  Once it got in my head what if I lose the hard on. Imagine having her on the bed.  Pussy open. Begging u to answer and you're staring it down with a limp dick.   You can psyche yourself out till the cows come home man.  

Edited September 28 by Inliytened1

[Olaf]

@Inliytened1 I don't have those problems, because I haven't come that far yet

[Inliytened1]

20 hours ago, Olaf said:

@Inliytened1 I don't have those problems, because I haven't come that far yet

Oh man.  Just got laid.  Yahoo. And i came through. I performed. Put the condom on right in front of her and stood strong.

Edited September 29 by Inliytened1

[Zenterus]

@Inliytened1 Very curious what your story is in relation to women. Are you a former pua? Always was good with women? Or what?

[Someone here]

20 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Oh man.  Just got laid.  Yahoo. And i came through. I performed. Put the condom on right in front of her and stood strong.

lol bro 

[Inliytened1]

On 9/30/2026 at 3:50 AM, Zenterus said:

@Inliytened1 Very curious what your story is in relation to women. Are you a former pua? Always was good with women? Or what?

What is a former PUA anyway? No i just enjoyed the whole dynamic. Yes I have always been good with women.   Other than when I told tou i pysched myself out and went through that weird time.   I have always been good at approach.  

Edited Friday at 06:44 PM by Inliytened1

[oOo]

For male or female

The best advice I could give anyone when it comes to dating, male or female, is simply cultivating their own humour space.

Approach anxiety is inherently a fear of rejection of your own inner world, which means your own world isn't strong enough to sustain the rejection from the outside, it means you haven't established strong enough comfort in the boundaries for your own inner world and how that relates to the world that passively to actively tests the validity of your inner world.

The extremely simple act of being self-amused, not trying to amuse, is training so many processes simultaneously, the least of which, is the strength of your own world and sourcing your own appreciation of life from your own inner world. 

Unconsciously, you're immediately learning to cultivate your own mind, your authority, sovereignty and independence from both the old you, the world and everything in between, your interpretations, your desires, your self-confidence, your capacity to regulate your own emotions through your own conscious free will, your creative thinking, heck even your ability to self-heal through self-amusement. And its pretty much got no downsides (so its not some self-protective mechanism outside of being in the healthy sense; as its an inner world realisation that increases awareness) outside of opening up your awareness and losing your focus on anything else momentarily. You may also decide to randomly quit your present mode of employment after you realise you're only bound to it through fear, among other things, so please be mindful regarding how making yourself too happy may impact your choices around what makes you very unhappy. Seriously though, if it is actually making you depart from assuming responsibilities you're meant to assume, that's a sign your devotion to training needs more consciousness. 

The act of training yourself to self-amuse, self-humour or as I put it, "Cultivate your own humour space", is the act of simply training the capacity to imagine scenarios that bring genuine humour and laughter to you. The scenarios themselves are unique to you and for you to creatively explore your imagination in that cultivation; directly training emotional regulation, imagination, lateral thinking and general creativity all simultaneously. This isn't I'd do just for 5 minutes a day, its something I suggest practicing enough that it becomes an unbreakable habit. If the weekends are best for you, I'd practice for hours over breakfast at a nice cafe or restaurant for example; and its not even something that feels like practice, its just enjoying my living frame and the space I inhabit.

Training is self-independent, which means you also now don't even need to rely on other people's company. And fuck, you're now whether your male or female making yourself smarter than the average person as the average person usually experiences brain-rot when they're not experiencing social stimulation from other people. 

Why do people struggle with self-confidence first and foremost? It's the externalisation of their own personal authority over their own inner world, which is like, the biggest self-punishment someone could do to themselves or just, inherit from their environment.

Self-amusement practiced diligently, restores that self-authority, while having respect for the competencies and capabilities of the people in the world around oneself, because its just your inner world you care about. You're not giving a fuck if you can't fix your car, though learning how is pretty cool to do, you care about the inner life divided from all of those externalities that are now no longer contrasting how you should think about yourself. And now you can actually appreciate your car mechanic and anyone else with the competency you need at the time to live your life the way that's most in alignment with your development, rather than rejecting yourself over all the things you don't presently have the competency to do or can't presently do for whatever reason.

You're not trying to amuse the outer world, at most that's an entertaining byproduct otherwise you're just a clown, its more of an engaged self-learning you're doing within and so with that comes a sense of realism as well you're overlaying onto the world while secretly cracking humour internally and establishing a healthier state of well-being in the process. If the world enters that world, then awesome, its mutual humour, its a shared world and its a positive social memory to reflect on later together or otherwise.

Learning to "self-amusement max" is honestly, the simplest, most advanced and incredibly effective advice I could give anyone across so many categories simultaneously, from dating to depression to every trauma in between, to self-authoring your own meanings in life and the enlightenment that permanently hovers above it that is unique to you and the inner worlds you cultivate. If you wanted a super power that could simultaneously enhance more capacity than any other potential power you could have, this is as close to top-tier as you'd want to be realistically.

It's your world. Not mine. Not theirs. We are all engaging with what you, as the reader, are cultivating deeply within in real time right now in this moment and its yours to explore, its yours to aid in your compass for life, its yours to read the map of your own life purpose moving forward. 

 

Edited Sunday at 12:24 AM by oOo

[Olaf]

@oOo do you approach?

[oOo]

49 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@oOo do you approach?

When I'm out and about absolutely, most of the time though I have a lotta conversations. For me, I wouldn't ever "day-game" per se in the militant sense, it feels off putting for me, unless it was me just having fun experimenting from a healthy place. 

I also have a serious partner.

I am just going to make a minor edit to my post, some folk may not know what I mean by self-amusement.

For the reader, literally just your imagination devoted to making yourself laugh; so the mindful act of generating and exploring scenarios, interpretations within in your mind with the end goal of simply teaching yourself to cultivate a self-humouring, self-amusement space based on those creations independent to the world around you.

Disclaimer: By self-amusement I don't at all mean sitting down and playing video games all day, unless that video game is this action and its happening within your own mind, or mutually if you've already cultivated the healthy space for it. 

I'm heading away from the month now though, all the best.

 

Edited Sunday at 12:38 AM by oOo

[oOo]

3 hours ago, oOo said:

For male or female

The best advice I could give anyone when it comes to dating, male or female, is simply cultivating their own humour space.

Approach anxiety is inherently a fear of rejection of your own inner world, which means your own world isn't strong enough to sustain the rejection from the outside, it means you haven't established strong enough comfort in the boundaries for your own inner world and how that relates to the world that passively to actively tests the validity of your inner world.

The extremely simple act of being self-amused, not trying to amuse, is training so many processes simultaneously, the least of which, is the strength of your own world and sourcing your own appreciation of life from your own inner world. 

Unconsciously, you're immediately learning to cultivate your own mind, your authority, sovereignty and independence from both the old you, the world and everything in between, your interpretations, your desires, your self-confidence, your capacity to regulate your own emotions through your own conscious free will, your creative thinking, heck even your ability to self-heal through self-amusement. And its pretty much got no downsides (so its not some self-protective mechanism outside of being in the healthy sense; as its an inner world realisation that increases awareness) outside of opening up your awareness and losing your focus on anything else momentarily. You may also decide to randomly quit your present mode of employment after you realise you're only bound to it through fear, among other things, so please be mindful regarding how making yourself too happy may impact your choices around what makes you very unhappy. Seriously though, if it is actually making you depart from assuming responsibilities you're meant to assume, that's a sign your devotion to training needs more consciousness. 

The act of training yourself to self-amuse, self-humour or as I put it, "Cultivate your own humour space", is the act of simply training the capacity to imagine scenarios that bring genuine humour and laughter to you. The scenarios themselves are unique to you and for you to creatively explore your imagination in that cultivation; directly training emotional regulation, imagination, lateral thinking and general creativity all simultaneously. This isn't I'd do just for 5 minutes a day, its something I suggest practicing enough that it becomes an unbreakable habit. If the weekends are best for you, I'd practice for hours over breakfast at a nice cafe or restaurant for example; and its not even something that feels like practice, its just enjoying my living frame and the space I inhabit.

Training is self-independent, which means you also now don't even need to rely on other people's company. And fuck, you're now whether your male or female making yourself smarter than the average person as the average person usually experiences brain-rot when they're not experiencing social stimulation from other people. 

Why do people struggle with self-confidence first and foremost? It's the externalisation of their own personal authority over their own inner world, which is like, the biggest self-punishment someone could do to themselves or just, inherit from their environment.

Self-amusement practiced diligently, restores that self-authority, while having respect for the competencies and capabilities of the people in the world around oneself, because its just your inner world you care about. You're not giving a fuck if you can't fix your car, though learning how is pretty cool to do, you care about the inner life divided from all of those externalities that are now no longer contrasting how you should think about yourself. And now you can actually appreciate your car mechanic and anyone else with the competency you need at the time to live your life the way that's most in alignment with your development, rather than rejecting yourself over all the things you don't presently have the competency to do or can't presently do for whatever reason.

You're not trying to amuse the outer world, at most that's an entertaining byproduct otherwise you're just a clown, its more of an engaged self-learning you're doing within and so with that comes a sense of realism as well you're overlaying onto the world while secretly cracking humour internally and establishing a healthier state of well-being in the process. If the world enters that world, then awesome, its mutual humour, its a shared world and its a positive social memory to reflect on later together or otherwise.

Learning to "self-amusement max" is honestly, the simplest, most advanced and incredibly effective advice I could give anyone across so many categories simultaneously, from dating to depression to every trauma in between, to self-authoring your own meanings in life and the enlightenment that permanently hovers above it that is unique to you and the inner worlds you cultivate. If you wanted a super power that could simultaneously enhance more capacity than any other potential power you could have, this is as close to top-tier as you'd want to be realistically.

It's your world. Not mine. Not theirs. We are all engaging with what you, as the reader, are cultivating deeply within in real time right now in this moment and its yours to explore, its yours to aid in your compass for life, its yours to read the map of your own life purpose moving forward. 

 

To add to my quoted comment just to speak more directly on the subject.

For approach as well, most of the problems many people have I feel is deep down they know its not coming from an authentic place where they're hoping for a genuine interaction that's beneficial for both and or all people involved. That's the mindset a person has to come from,. Any artificiality is because a person isn't fully present. Artificiality isn't a judgement about a person, its a judgement that signals a person's intent in the moment, and that's for whoever is involved. Artificiality isn't wrong, but it reveals either the person can't be themselves or doesn't want to truly be themselves because the vulnerability may reveal something the other person may not like. If its coming from the approacher it shows that the approacher isn't authentically aligned and true with themselves in that moment, which makes anyone that's good at reading social cues or people in general less likely to trust the person, and also lead to their artificiality as they're unsure whether they want to continue which is a healthy sign the intuition of the person examining the approacher is working well. 

I also want to make something clear, artificiality needs to be clearly distinguished from fear.

Approaching with fear is actually brave, and reveals you're prepared to put yourself on the line, but trying to cover it with artificiality, is what makes the interaction feel like an  incongruent or ulterior motive that needs to be questioned. If a person feels they can't survive being questioned, that's when either the artificiality emerges out of self-protection or compensation, if its the latter, its damaging everyone involved and feeding something unhealthy if it becomes a habit. If its the former, its a totally normal behaviour and perhaps its even someones intuition saying they shouldn't interact with this particular person or a person at all, for whatever reason, it doesn't really matter the intuition is there to listen to not to stifle down. This is one of the nuances that is totally neglected by the day game people. Lead from genuine behaviour and you'll attract more genuine people, lead from inauthentic behaviour and it leads to relationships that are either inauthentic, and or, at the very least where someone is getting taken advantage of; usually its the inauthentic person trying to take advantage.

Despite the validity of my first post here which is what I suggest everyone should cultivate, next time you're actually afraid to approach someone don't try to control the fear itself, instead sit inside it and even express it during the interaction, "Hi, I'm actually afraid about ____ but I wanted to ____ because I am ____", heck even say, "Hi, I struggle speaking to strangers, I am approaching you because..." its real. It's your truth. No body can touch you if you own your own truth, if you own who you really are.

Watch how the fear will magically fade the more honest you are and you own your own truth as it appears in your own experience moment to moment, no matter who you're with. That's where true fearlessness will come from, by owning it, nurturing it, and teaching it through that self-validation (not external) feedback loop. What does it also signal to other people? By being honest to people about your fear it doesn't signal cowardice, it signals strength, it signals "Hi I am afraid of _____ but I am not afraid to express it."

It's the fastest path towards becoming truly who you are versus someone that continues to struggle with their authenticity, and subsequently, lack of genuine true relationships in the real world. And who cares if someone doesn't like your truth in the moment because it shows your fear, as I said watch your fear diminish more and more the more you own it, that's the paradoxical truth awaiting the reality of simply owning what's real compared to what's false.

Which path is going to lead to success not only the fastest but the deepest all the while stepping best into the potential they were always meant to self-realise?

A person will be surprised by the people they attract into their life when they're as honest as possible with a person just as much as a person will be surprised by the people they attract into their life when they're inauthentic, artificial, not truly themselves, lying, manipulative, delusional, etc.

An artificial person may appear strong, but like artificial intelligence its only specialising in its own eventual defeat by not becoming a generalised intelligence, which comes from getting to the root of existence, which only a true sentience that's alive, that wants to live its life fully, untethered by the world around oneself while being calibrated and aware of what's happening, can have.

And lastly, stay weary of delusional paths, people and ideas in the dating space.

Can you step into the ring of life and fight to be yourself, or will you forfeit, never even step inside, or being unable to stand in the light of who you really are and instead need other people to think of you as amazing with women or something like this instead of striving for internal fulfilment?

Is a persons experience of "now" covered in bullshit or, by comparison, is it more covered in the strength
of one's truth that's a reflection of the absence of all falsity within?

Here's to being truly human. 
Everyone's birth right, which starts in every single moment, always "now".
 

Edited Sunday at 03:14 AM by oOo