2CB Trip Report - dissolving into love.

[systematic_chaos]

I took 15mg of 2CB insufflated yesterday morning very early in the morning. I have a few insights which I will share here along with other thoughts.

Overall my trip was peaceful and surprisingly mind bending given what I read about 2CB. My past (numerous) experiences with LSD and MDMA led me to believe that deep is always difficult but this was my first time experiencing a kind of mild and peaceful ego dissolution.

The Trip:

Spoiler

 

I tripped in my bedroom in my home, first with a friend for the come up then alone for the majority of the trip.

As it came on I noticed the usual visuals first: blending, warping, breathing and so on, These visuals were accompanied by a very pleasant warm buzzing feeling in my body. Shortly after that the mind bending part began. I started feeling a familiar feeling that I remember from LSD which is best described as feeling alien to myself, aware of my own mortality by way of seeing myself from a 3rd person perspective. I chatted a little with my friend and we talked about how absurdly false propaganda and marketing are which was quite funny to us at the time.

At this stage I found it quite easy to do normal things without confusion but I felt very little desire to do anything. There was a sense of observing the processes of the ego, turning the heating on, fetching water, going to the toilet etc. It all appeared as a kind of system that runs on it's own. I felt a little sorry for my ego self for spending so much time trapped in thought and action but it didn't bother me too much because I felt a huge amount of self love. After about an hour my friend left and he took a valium to go to sleep. I stayed on my own in my room.

Once my friend left the trip became a lot deeper. I began to meditate almost without trying (I have a few years of practice) and I found it was about 100 times easier than when I am sober. After 2 hours or so identity words such as "I", "me" and "myself" lost their meaning so much that it became intensely funny to me. I started to smile and laugh each time my mind would try to "make sense of it all" how each attempt would seem so obviously pointless I could let each attempt go so easily and it would just dissolve into nothing.

My ego gradually returned to it's full form and I noticed I began clinging to thoughts and ideas again. The first idea I clung to was time as I began to try and make sense of what time it was currently and what that meant. It was a little unpleasant to feel this tugging and pulling coming from a state of intense peace but I let it happen and welcomed myself back into my ego mind and body. After I came down fully I fell asleep and woke up six hours later completely sober.

I went for a walk after waking up and I teared up a few times thinking about my trip in retrospect. I felt no sadness during the trip but afterwards there was a sense of loss and for some reason that made me want to cry, it was a beautiful kind of sadness not the heavy self destructive kind. Once that passed I felt a warm afterglow lasting the entire day. Today the emotionality has passed and I feel fully back to baseline.

 

General Insights:

1. Nothing has any meaning without a purpose or utility (which are both constructions of ego): I made multiple attempts to understand the time of day in a state of low ego and failed because without a purpose or a survival reason time is completely meaningless. 
2. True meaninglessness is paradoxically infinitely more meaningful than any invented meaning. Anyone saying "life is meaningless" actually does believe life has a meaning it's just the meaning they are thinking of is very bleak. If they experienced actual lack of any meaning they would instantly be cured of their depression!
3. The process of integration is not just getting crystalized insights, it is also about a practice of re-connecting with God/Oneness/Unity in order to guide the continuous process of discovery. All crystalized insights can bent to the will of the ego, symbolized and destroyed. Without repeated experiences of reduced ego you can very easily get lost (as I did, this was my first trip in many years).
4. Related to the above: Some problems are literally unsolvable in a state of heavy ego mind, much energy can be wasted in pursuit of solutions.
5. The ego goes by many names, God resists being named at all. God resists being symbolized, ideas and words cannot stick. You know what is ego because it says "Hello I'm here and I'm this thing, look at me",  God will bring you to tears with silence. Also God does not demand your attention he is infinitely patient.
6. You should not resist the ego holding on since this is in fact ego resistance itself! Difficult psychedelic experiences come from the ego holding on, and trying to remain in control. Any resistance to the ego is in fact a spiritual ego and so ego is better identified as any kind of resistance, such resistance can be dissolved into love as soon as it is identified for what it really is.

Personal Insights

1. I sometimes argue just for the sake of being right. This is ultimately pointless and actively harmful to close relationships. Silence is golden and is not always untruthful.
2. I rush around a lot trying to always be busy. This leads to neglecting things that require patience. Slow and steady wins the race, leaning into mindfulness and letting go of filler activities leads to a more peaceful and organized life.
3. Inspiration is not sufficient but it is necessary to achieve anything great. Dabbling in this and that, here and there is not harmful if it comes from a place of genuine curiosity but when it comes from expectations and self image then it is wasteful. For me this was dabbling in creating video games when my real inspiration lies in languages, psychology and pharmacology (as evidenced by 1000s of hours of self motivated work).

It's been 8 years since I did psychedelics and I regret waiting so long. I didn't achieve full ego loss or God realization, I think I'll need some stronger stuff for that. A little birdie told me 5MeO-DMT is pretty good for that so uh, stay tuned.

[Leo Gura]

9 hours ago, systematic_chaos said:

True meaninglessness is paradoxically infinitely more meaningful than any invented meaning. Anyone saying "life is meaningless" actually does believe life has a meaning it's just the meaning they are thinking of is very bleak. If they experienced actual lack of any meaning they would instantly be cured of their depression!

Being > Meaning

Good work! Good insights.

Edited 5 hours ago by Leo Gura

[TKP]

The insight about resisting the ego being ego itself is a good one. That kind of paradox shows up in a lot of contemplative traditions, not just psychedelic ones.