chasing

[Olaf]

@Lyubov of course, best if you happened to meet each other spontaneously, like the typical "I bumped into her and coffee fell over her shirt, then I realised she is the love of my life" movie-type scenario. In a romantic movie they always happened to meet each other by accident or whatever.

What is kind of genius about Mystery is that his first set is a cold approach where he gets 2 girls: then, in the second set he approaches with those two girls, which is him having massive social proof and being very non-needy, as he already has two women with him, which is of course much better than going up to someone alone.

The thing is that if you let your life depend on "accidental" moments where you happen to meet some cute girl, your chances will become much much smaller, even dating apps are terrible unless you are a good-looking fellow, because it is all based on looks.

Cold dm actually works allright, I do it sometimes when I am in state, I come up with the best opening lines for Instagram DMs. Probably best is to make it feel more accidental and spontaneous than actually recreating a movie scene with spilling coffee on eachother hahaha.

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Olaf said:

@Lyubov of course, best if you happened to meet each other spontaneously, like the typical "I bumped into her and coffee fell over her shirt, then I realised she is the love of my life" movie-type scenario. In a romantic movie they always happened to meet each other by accident or whatever.

What is kind of genius about Mystery is that his first set is a cold approach where he gets 2 girls: then, in the second set he approaches with those two girls, which is him having massive social proof and being very non-needy, as he already has two women with him, which is of course much better than going up to someone alone.

The thing is that if you let your life depend on "accidental" moments where you happen to meet some cute girl, your chances will become much much smaller, even dating apps are terrible unless you are a good-looking fellow, because it is all based on looks.

Cold dm actually works allright, I do it sometimes when I am in state, I come up with the best opening lines for Instagram DMs. Probably best is to make it feel more accidental and spontaneous than actually recreating a movie scene with spilling coffee on eachother hahaha.

When I said certain guys don't need to approach I didn't mean to say leaving it entirely up to chance or accident. I distinguish between "approaching" (PUA vocab) and what attuned attractive and in flow guys do which is just... socialize, they have a vibe to them. it's really plain as day when you can see a guy "approach" vs just being a chill guy going with the flow which may include starting a conversation sometimes or saying the first word, it may even be a bit direct, but there is a difference between this and "approaching." Guys who are practicing PUA approach. Guys who have game do not approach, they flow. But none of that is by accident. It is a subtler skill. You should be able to tell in 15 minutes just by sharing space with a girl (not even saying much of anything) if you are in the fuckzone or not. It's usually plain as day once you can read body language, eye contact, etc. It can be a bit more ambiguous and a bit harder with some girls but tbh it rarely is, a lot of guys just don't realize how average they are so they have to drill a bunch of "approaches" and they get a ton of NOs from girls that do not see them in their league. You rarely see a tard pull some unbelievable babe. Flukes are exceptionally uncommon (ONS of them do sometimes happen when alcohol / drugs are involved). There is unseen momentum where most guys have a hidden batting average they gotta be honest with themselves about and reflect on what's keeping them from ascending. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Lyubov

[something_else]

2 hours ago, Olaf said:

@something_else Basically your saying, don´t let her chase you, increase your value by social proof. Which means your whole relationship is dependent on other girls wanting you as soon as that is gone, she is gone. This doesn´t sound healthy either.

Responding to @Valach too

If a girl knows that you’re attractive to other women and yet you make it clear you chose her, and you love her, then there is nothing unhealthy about that. Unless you’re putting on an act and you’re planning to cheat on her.

The “attractive to other women” part just puts you in a position where you can express that love very directly without any risk of it coming across as needy.

It’s not social proof. I’m not saying you should actively hit on other women while you’re in a long term relationship to prove to your girlfriend that you’re attractive to women. The example I gave is social proof, to be fair. But that’s not the core point I’m making. The core point is about overall attractiveness, one component of which is social proof.

 

Edited 1 hour ago by something_else

[Valach]

Just now, something_else said:

Responding to @Valach too

If a girl knows that you’re attractive to other women and yet you make it clear you chose her, and you love her, then there is nothing unhealthy about that. Unless you’re putting on an act and you’re planning to cheat on her.

The “attractive to other women” part just puts you in a position where you can express that love very directly without any risk of it coming across as needy.

It’s not social proof. I’m not saying you should actively hit on other women while you’re in a long term relationship to prove to your girlfriend that you’re attractive to women. The example I gave is social proof, to be fair. But that’s not the core point I’m making. The core point is about overall attractiveness, one component of which is social proof.

 

I think you missunderstood me. I am questioning how healthy the dynamic of desiring a socially valuable person is in the first place. I am not disputing that it "works"

[something_else]

8 minutes ago, Valach said:

I think you missunderstood me. I am questioning how healthy the dynamic of desiring a socially valuable person is in the first place. I am not disputing that it "works"

Ah ok, my bad  If someone has an anxious attachment style it probably isn’t a great idea.

But I’m arguing for what I think is one of the healthier relationship dynamics, which assumes both people are fairly secure in attachment style.

[Valach]

1 minute ago, something_else said:

Ah ok, my bad  If someone has an anxious attachment style it probably isn’t a great idea.

But I’m arguing for what I think is one of the healthier relationship dynamics, which assumes both people are fairly secure in attachment style.

Of course, I am in agreement with that. But it does not require to have "options" or to be socially valuable.

Edited 1 hour ago by Valach