Trapped.

[Emotionalmosquito]

Never imagined I would’ve ended up this deeply twisted up in a web of addiction to scrolling, gooning, nicotine, hatred, and negative thinking. It’s gotten so bad it’s beginning to devastate my physical health as well. The longer it festers the more physical symptoms it causes like involuntary muscle twitching in random places, extreme fatigue, headaches, weird ass sensations around my scalp and face, and cognitive decline. I wake up almost every night in a state of total fear and a feeling as if my neurons are being raped by digital demons. (I can’t stress enough how horrifying it feels on all levels) Then what do I do? Sometimes start scrolling and gooning again at 3:00 in the morning knowing full well it’s gonna fuck me up exponentially worse. I know how fucked I am and exactly the things causing it, yet I’m utterly powerless to stop doing them. Meditation isn’t cutting it anymore, particularly because I’m far too weak to make myself do enough of it consistently to bear any fruit. I’ve spent a decent chunk of time here complaining about women and not having a girlfriend. But I’ve realized at this point if I were to land one my resentment would likely overpower any bit of sexual fulfillment or companionship such that all I’d want is to beat the living tits off her and abuse her as payback for how much work it took to obtain her as well as for these dumbass bullshit new trends where the girls think it’s so funny to hit us in the balls. I’ve dabbled in cold approach here and there, but as of recent all it does anymore is serve to make me hate women more and more. 
 

My brain is so fried it’s genuinely getting scary, my cognition is shit, my sleep is trash and I don’t know what to do anymore. Yes, I’m seeing a mental health professional, no it’s not helping. That’s despite the fact that I now have the best therapist I’ve ever had. What I need is rehab but unfortunately my situation hasn’t yet been identified as destructive enough to be eligible for it. 
 

Obviously this barely does it justice, but it gives a general idea of the predicament. I done goofed big time letting things get this bad. 

[Someone here]

Its a vicious cycle. Bad habits lead to bad outcomes. Bad outcomes lead to bad decisions. Round and round.

Brute force stop the bad habits:

Stop smoking.

Stop watching porn.

Stop using your phone for anything other than studying, working, or calling someone.

Brute force start healthy habits:

Sleep early and wake up early.

Meditation.

Healthy diet.

Daily physical activity.

Find a hobby that you enjoy, like football. Go outside and play. Solo or with people. 

If you feel depressed, and especially if you’re clinically depressed, you must take SSRIs.

 

 

[Emotionalmosquito]

17 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Its a vicious cycle. Bad habits lead to bad outcomes. Bad outcomes lead to bad decisions. Round and round.

Brute force stop the bad habits:

Stop smoking.

Stop watching porn.

Stop using your phone for anything other than studying, working, or calling someone.

Brute force start healthy habits:

Sleep early and wake up early.

Meditation.

Healthy diet.

Daily physical activity.

Find a hobby that you enjoy, like football. Go outside and play. Solo or with people. 

If you feel depressed, and especially if you’re clinically depressed, you must take SSRIs.

 

 

You must have overlooked some of what I said. I’ve tried all those things to no avail, otherwise I wouldn’t have this problem. I have no money for healthy food. I can’t find a job even after dozens and dozens of applications. I can’t afford the amount of food I’d need to exercise properly because my metabolism is so retardedly high as it is. My will power/discipline is absolutely broken, so brute forcing anything is impossible. I would do SSRIs if it weren’t for the risk of akathisia (the worst side effect known to man) 

[Someone here]

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

I have no money for healthy food.

- healthy foods include fruits or vegetables. These are cheap . It’s the unhealthy junk which is expensive.

-make money by working in a job .

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

I can’t find a job even after dozens and dozens of applications.

Find a wage slave dog shit job like working in a grocery store or a barber shop . 
 

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

 I can’t afford the amount of food I’d need to exercise properly because my metabolism is so retardedly high as it is.

There are two types of exercise:

- exercise that builds up your body like lifting.

- exercise that breaks down your body like running .

Pick the second one . There is no rush right now for bodybuilding and carnivore diet .

we are not after bodybuilding. We are after any type of good habits that will build momentum in the opposite direction of the bottomless hole you’re falling in . 

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

My will power/discipline is absolutely broken, so brute forcing anything is impossible. 
 

make a choice to stop doing the bad habits that make you miserable. You can . It’s just difficult. But you can .

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

. I would do SSRIs if it weren’t for the risk of akathisia (the worst side effect known to man) 

It hasn’t changed much for me regarding side effects and I’ve been taking them for 5 years now .

it varies case by case . Ask your therapist if they are appropriate for you .

Edited August 19 by Someone here

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXYNvwrVKdE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh2m0dj_lFk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-H0_BlN2ac

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8qS5OTrd24

Install blockers on your computer. Place your devices out of reach so it’s harder to access them.

Make sure you aren’t low vitamin D or low testosterone, cut out refined grains and processed sugars from your diet

put your resume in chat gpt, look for a local program to help people with disabilities get jobs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPpJyKTxhYQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBt0ZKv9pBA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKnFlK9EwB0

 

Edited August 19 by Raze

[Lucasxp64]

PROGRESSIVE OVERLOADING / DE-LOADING:

You need progressive overloading your mind and health. Or should I say, progressively de-loading your mind from pleasure. What we want is to slowly reduce the frequency and intensity of the pleasures. It's not a full cold turkey, it never works for me like that.

The moment you're able to just listen to asmr and music all day instead of masturbating less to degenerate bad porn is a better day.

Or a day you can masturbate to more wholesome porn is a better day.

The day you smoke less.

The day you goon until 2:30 AM instead of 3:00 AM, then next week until 2:00 AM, until you realize you can keep up to 11:00 PM most of the week and some days it slips up back to 2:00 AM sometimes.

You can improve you life so much by just slow almost not noticeable changes like that.

----

On the topic of this weird ball thing:

Quote

... my resentment would likely overpower any bit of sexual fulfillment or companionship such that all I’d want is to beat the living tits off her and abuse her as payback for how much work it took to obtain her as well as for these dumbass bullshit new trends where the girls think it’s so funny to hit us in the balls.

For the love of god and everything that's good in this world, I have a personal rule that I'd never want to break:

NEVER SPREAD THE SHIT AROUND. DO NOT SPREAD THE SHIT.

What do I mean by that?

Just because people some people might be tossing shit at me, I won't be grabbing to it and spreading it around to everyone else in every other situation.

Women are not a hive mind. Even the most degenerate hottie tiktokers that I goon sometimes to won't ever mention any such silly thing about hitting a guy in the balls. That must be some weirdly specific internet echo chamber rabbit hole you got into. Every women, no matter who much of a polygamist self-proclaimed whore that I spoke to (by her own words, not mine) wouldn't mention anything of that kind to me. I would never worry about such a thing. The only worry I get at this point is getting a woman that LARPs/Roleplays being monogamist when she is polygamous, which, I'd rather receive that truth first so that I don't feel lied to and don't act as a monogamist towards her.

----

On your general issues:

You don't have to be perfect at all. You need to slowly, methodically go into damage control.

I'm also suffering from all of those similar issues that you're, and probably MOST PEOPLE ARE TOO, BUT they are not as severe at all (at least compared to me), what I can tell you, is that, probably the difference is that I always had this kind of internal obsessive drive towards not doing self-destruction which lead me towards a stable baseline that I get too self-conscious and I never go quite too far, as much as I might fuck up once in a while going too deep into rabbit holes, or some rage here and there, or some stupid intellectual pursuits that only turns my brain into a passive information consumerist, etc.

----

All you got to do right now is to go on damage control and reduce what is fucking you up the most.

- I'd start with sleep: Then, make sure you go to sleep everyday 10-15 minutes earlier everyday. That's pretty doable. It personally take me over two months to reset my sleep cycle when it gets really bad, which has been a while for me, because I created a lot of triggers around getting really good sleep. You need "pleasures of sleeptime" so you don't goon yourself to death. Like normie stuff like watching TV shows, masturbating just enough quick to be done with it, masturbate just with your phone on the bathroom so you don't change to porn while you're at your laptop/computer, etc. Block your laptop/computer from all porn and sexually enticing stuff. 

Like going on this routine of de-stimulating my nervous system as it becomes darker in the day.

- NOT GOONING. DO NOT GOON. Do not masturbate for hours on end, Just masturbate to end up quick with it, do it with content that is less and less stimulating overtime.

Take on some project like Vibe Coding with AI some cool project. It helps put your mind to use at something fun and keeps your mind from rotting from just consuming more passive theory, at least for me it does wonders.

Edited September 20 by Lucasxp64