Trapped.

[Emotionalmosquito]

Never imagined I would’ve ended up this deeply twisted up in a web of addiction to scrolling, gooning, nicotine, hatred, and negative thinking. It’s gotten so bad it’s beginning to devastate my physical health as well. The longer it festers the more physical symptoms it causes like involuntary muscle twitching in random places, extreme fatigue, headaches, weird ass sensations around my scalp and face, and cognitive decline. I wake up almost every night in a state of total fear and a feeling as if my neurons are being raped by digital demons. (I can’t stress enough how horrifying it feels on all levels) Then what do I do? Sometimes start scrolling and gooning again at 3:00 in the morning knowing full well it’s gonna fuck me up exponentially worse. I know how fucked I am and exactly the things causing it, yet I’m utterly powerless to stop doing them. Meditation isn’t cutting it anymore, particularly because I’m far too weak to make myself do enough of it consistently to bear any fruit. I’ve spent a decent chunk of time here complaining about women and not having a girlfriend. But I’ve realized at this point if I were to land one my resentment would likely overpower any bit of sexual fulfillment or companionship such that all I’d want is to beat the living tits off her and abuse her as payback for how much work it took to obtain her as well as for these dumbass bullshit new trends where the girls think it’s so funny to hit us in the balls. I’ve dabbled in cold approach here and there, but as of recent all it does anymore is serve to make me hate women more and more. 
 

My brain is so fried it’s genuinely getting scary, my cognition is shit, my sleep is trash and I don’t know what to do anymore. Yes, I’m seeing a mental health professional, no it’s not helping. That’s despite the fact that I now have the best therapist I’ve ever had. What I need is rehab but unfortunately my situation hasn’t yet been identified as destructive enough to be eligible for it. 
 

Obviously this barely does it justice, but it gives a general idea of the predicament. I done goofed big time letting things get this bad. 

[Someone here]

Its a vicious cycle. Bad habits lead to bad outcomes. Bad outcomes lead to bad decisions. Round and round.

Brute force stop the bad habits:

Stop smoking.

Stop watching porn.

Stop using your phone for anything other than studying, working, or calling someone.

Brute force start healthy habits:

Sleep early and wake up early.

Meditation.

Healthy diet.

Daily physical activity.

Find a hobby that you enjoy, like football. Go outside and play. Solo or with people. 

If you feel depressed, and especially if you’re clinically depressed, you must take SSRIs.

 

 

[Emotionalmosquito]

17 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Its a vicious cycle. Bad habits lead to bad outcomes. Bad outcomes lead to bad decisions. Round and round.

Brute force stop the bad habits:

Stop smoking.

Stop watching porn.

Stop using your phone for anything other than studying, working, or calling someone.

Brute force start healthy habits:

Sleep early and wake up early.

Meditation.

Healthy diet.

Daily physical activity.

Find a hobby that you enjoy, like football. Go outside and play. Solo or with people. 

If you feel depressed, and especially if you’re clinically depressed, you must take SSRIs.

 

 

You must have overlooked some of what I said. I’ve tried all those things to no avail, otherwise I wouldn’t have this problem. I have no money for healthy food. I can’t find a job even after dozens and dozens of applications. I can’t afford the amount of food I’d need to exercise properly because my metabolism is so retardedly high as it is. My will power/discipline is absolutely broken, so brute forcing anything is impossible. I would do SSRIs if it weren’t for the risk of akathisia (the worst side effect known to man) 

[Someone here]

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

I have no money for healthy food.

- healthy foods include fruits or vegetables. These are cheap . It’s the unhealthy junk which is expensive.

-make money by working in a job .

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

I can’t find a job even after dozens and dozens of applications.

Find a wage slave dog shit job like working in a grocery store or a barber shop . 
 

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

 I can’t afford the amount of food I’d need to exercise properly because my metabolism is so retardedly high as it is.

There are two types of exercise:

- exercise that builds up your body like lifting.

- exercise that breaks down your body like running .

Pick the second one . There is no rush right now for bodybuilding and carnivore diet .

we are not after bodybuilding. We are after any type of good habits that will build momentum in the opposite direction of the bottomless hole you’re falling in . 

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

My will power/discipline is absolutely broken, so brute forcing anything is impossible. 
 

make a choice to stop doing the bad habits that make you miserable. You can . It’s just difficult. But you can .

24 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

. I would do SSRIs if it weren’t for the risk of akathisia (the worst side effect known to man) 

It hasn’t changed much for me regarding side effects and I’ve been taking them for 5 years now .

it varies case by case . Ask your therapist if they are appropriate for you .

Edited 4 hours ago by Someone here