How to find a partner you're compatible with value wise.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

34 minutes ago, Jirh said:

Interesting topics for contemplation. I enjoyed reading this post.

However, in practice, I don't think you can find anyone who's perfectly aligned on all three parameters. I think it's rare enough to find someone even generally aligned or seeking alignment. Most people don't even know their values. They haven't contemplated anything. They're mostly low consciousness running on autopilot. Then you have the higher consciousness people who are generally more aligned, but still nowhere near perfect, especially the younger they are. And this all assumes you are collecting the signals accurately, and not imagining things.

I think at some point, one has to sacrifice and make a compromise on the standards they want. Personally, I would not bat an eye on conflict between stated vs. lived values, I think that's pretty normal, given that survival often requires some kind of psychological split. Where I draw the line, though, is when the person is completely unaware or unwilling to close the gap. Or when they are too cowardly to attempt that. For me, these are the biggest red flags in a person. Not the misalignment itself, but their relationship to it.

I agree. 

My post was definitely more pointers to work out values - almost in a dyad style template to contemplate with a partner (or prospective one!). Most people don't even know their values and they unconsciously play them out. Which is why relational approaches can be better than simple analytical style questioning. The person is seen rather than analysed. 

To add more complexity; our values change as we grow through experience. Having the ability to relate to another keeps us in touch with that person's meaning. Rather than falling back on analysing and questioning. Following someone into their experience reveals a lot more. Analysis has its place to supplement the answers we find through being with another in this way.

Many times people are dishonest (aware or not, intentional or not) with themselves regarding values.

Edited 8 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Rafael Thundercat]

This videos are pure gold. 

we know that relationships are survival. Yes there is no way to avoid it since we are social animals. So better understand how it works.