Does body count matter for you?

[Valach]

4 minutes ago, LordFall said:

You’re proving the exact point by pinging other members to validate you instead of addressing the logic.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection

You've projected by reusing my own argument against me which is false. I said that your point could be valid but how do we know for sure if someone basing their dating strategy based on fear/insecurity or genuinely wants a dating life based on abundance. You then doubled down on your point and invalidated mine without addressing it. Then when I called you out you felt cornered and projected unto me. 

Fair enough. I can't prove it though as I have just my personal experiences with helping guys around their dating life and emotional issues sorounding them. But you can easily see the insecurity in the way people post around here.

Like one post will be "I live in abundance and enjoy it so much etc.", the next post from the same person will be "Should I do thing X to appear more attractive to others - be it looks, game, social media, some dating strategy" - it always has the same root - insecurity and shame - sense of not being good enough,

Edited 1 hour ago by Valach

[LordFall]

1 minute ago, Valach said:

Fair enough. I can't prove it though as I have just my personal experiences with helping guys around their dating life and emotional issues sorounding them. But you can easily see the insecurity in the way people post around here.

Like one post will be "I live in abundance and enjoy it so much etc.", the next post from the same person will be "Should I do thing X to appear more attractive to others - be it looks, game, social media, some dating strategy" - it always has the same root - insecurity and shame - sense of not being good enough,

I respect you for acknowledging that. It's common for someone that lacks self-awareness to appear a bit bipolar in what they say as the psyche gets compartmentalized. That's why I default to asking them to flesh out their desired dating life in detail so at least they have a concrete vision that they've fleshed out. That vision can change but at least it's concrete and after 6 months they can go back and see if it holds up or if it was based on insecurity and delusion.

Bro I would go as far as saying that the concept of abundance is so scary for people that even getting to dictate their own dream dating life is too scary for them and usually people don't take me up on it and keep their dating ideas as nebulous fantasies in their head instead of being able to write even a single page on it.

I was in that same boat for a while. Having these discussions on this forum has given me opportunities to flesh out my desires and test them against you guys opinion which is partly how I know that I'm not driven by pathology since my desires have been consistent for the past 10 years and they measure up against the pushback of people that understand psychological pitfalls. 

Abundance is scary man, it's literally the concept of infinity and non-duality that Leo talks about but applied to dating in this context. What does an infinite dating life even mean? It's worth discussing. It can mean an infinitely beautiful monogamous marriage or dating an infinity of the best women/men you can find in the world. 

[Valach]

2 minutes ago, LordFall said:

I respect you for acknowledging that. It's common for someone that lacks self-awareness to appear a bit bipolar in what they say as the psyche gets compartmentalized. That's why I default to asking them to flesh out their desired dating life in detail so at least they have a concrete vision that they've fleshed out. That vision can change but at least it's concrete and after 6 months they can go back and see if it holds up or if it was based on insecurity and delusion.

Bro I would go as far as saying that the concept of abundance is so scary for people that even getting to dictate their own dream dating life is too scary for them and usually people don't take me up on it and keep their dating ideas as nebulous fantasies in their head instead of being able to write even a single page on it.

I was in that same boat for a while. Having these discussions on this forum has given me opportunities to flesh out my desires and test them against you guys opinion which is partly how I know that I'm not driven by pathology since my desires have been consistent for the past 10 years and they measure up against the pushback of people that understand psychological pitfalls. 

Abundance is scary man, it's literally the concept of infinity and non-duality that Leo talks about but applied to dating in this context. What does an infinite dating life even mean? It's worth discussing. It can mean an infinitely beautiful monogamous marriage or dating an infinity of the best women/men you can find in the world. 

`Then show off your self awarness and tell me truthfully. Why do you desire "abundant" dating life?

Edited 1 hour ago by Valach

[LordFall]

Because it sounds beautiful and amazing to me and I can't picture a dating paradigm more aligned for myself at the current moment. I genuinely don't know why you like women a lot you wouldn't find to find the 2-3 women you enjoy most in the universe and fuck them all at the same and date them as well because why just fuck I'm not a one night stand kind of guy I'm a cancer sign very deep and emotional kind of guy. I wanna love deeply combine it with amazing global adventures and a business that eventually has enough impact to change our world and the course of human history as whole if I can achieve that level of power. 

Since you mentioned yourself having doubts as to why you desire a high quality partner and wonder if it was based off of insecurity, here is the socratic process I used to deconstruct my psyche.

I have struggled with my dating life when I was younger so perhaps my need for validation, acceptance is based off of insecurity and not a genuinely pursuit. How does one tell the difference? Let's go through each point.

What does a need for validation in a dating context even mean and how would it show up in a needy way and how would it show up in an integrated way? To me I feel like shit tests are a great lower litmus test of this. A lot of times attractive women test you by removing validation and see how you react and whether you break frame or get angry at them and flip out. A man that doesn't need validation doesn't really change his tune when it stops as his opinions, thoughts and desires are based on core wants and true self-awareness and so other humans validating or not validating him doesn't change it.

Acceptance is the same thing. Do I have the courage to expose myself to the women and the people I know or do I censor myself in fear of being judged or abandoned? That can come in different ways for example here is an honest one, I have talked about being bisexual on this forum but it's not something I discuss publicly with my friends or on my Instagram to my audience. I have told my brother because he's gay so I figured he would understand but it's a new identity for myself to recognize so I'm not yet comfortable embracing it fully publicly and thus my need for acceptance is still holding me hostage at this current point in my life. Femboys are hot enough that I will eventually transcend this fear though, it's only a matter of time.

This thread on this forum is another example of me being quite radically honest and opening myself to ridicule especially since I preach financial abundance and the importance of being a high value man for your dating life. 

I value documenting my journey more than pretending to be an enlightened perfect being with no weakensses though so I don't really mind showcasing me being broke currently publicly and I hope that it inspires people to also embark on a business journey as I truly believe that it leads to be the best life possible and in terms of dating allows you so much leverage. 

 

Edited 1 hour ago by LordFall

[Valach]

11 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Because it sounds beautiful and amazing to me and I can't picture a dating paradigm more aligned for myself at the current moment. I genuinely don't know why you like women a lot you wouldn't find to find the 2-3 women you enjoy most in the universe and fuck them all at the same and date them as well because why just fuck I'm not a one night stand kind of guy I'm a cancer sign very deep and emotional kind of guy. I wanna love deeply combine it with amazing global adventures and a business that eventually has enough impact to change our world and the course of human history as whole if I can achieve that level of power. 

Since you mentioned yourself having doubts as to why you desire a high quality partner and wonder if it was based off of insecurity, here is the socratic process I used to deconstruct my psyche.

I have struggled with my dating life when I was younger so perhaps my need for validation, acceptance is based off of insecurity and not a genuinely pursuit. How does one tell the difference? Let's go through each point.

What does a need for validation in a dating context even mean and how would it show up in a needy way and how would it show up in an integrated way? To me I feel like shit tests are a great lower litmus test of this. A lot of times attractive women test you by removing validation and see how you react and whether you break frame or get angry at them and flip out. A man that doesn't need validation doesn't really change his tune when it stops as his opinions, thoughts and desires are based on core wants and true self-awareness and so other humans validating or not validating him doesn't change it.

Acceptance is the same thing. Do I have the courage to expose myself to the women and the people I know or do I censor myself in fear of being judged or abandoned? That can come in different ways for example here is an honest one, I have talked about being bisexual on this forum but it's not something I discuss publicly with my friends or on my Instagram to my audience. I have told my brother because he's gay so I figured he would understand but it's a new identity for myself to recognize so I'm not yet comfortable embracing it fully publicly and thus my need for acceptance is still holding me hostage at this current point in my life. Femboys are hot enough that I will eventually transcend this fear though, it's only a matter of time.

This thread on this forum is another example of me being quite radically honest and opening myself to ridicule especially since I preach financial abundance and the importance of being a high value man for your dating life. 

I value documenting my journey more than pretending to be an enlightened perfect being with no weakensses though so I don't really mind showcasing me being broke currently publicly and I hope that it inspires people to also embark on a business journey as I truly believe that it leads to be the best life possible and in terms of dating allows you so much leverage. 

 

I think there is another layer to validation that you're missing here.

Not needing validation from one particular woman doesn't necessarily mean that your self-worth isn't organized around validation more broadly.

I've known very attractive women who had enormous dating abundance. They genuinely didn't care much if one particular guy rejected them, because there were ten other guys interested in them. On the surface they looked completely non-needy and independent of male validation.

But after getting to know some of them deeply, it became obvious that they were still very insecure about their worth. They had simply externalized that worth into their attractiveness and desirability. Their security came partly from knowing that they could get attention, rather than from not needing that attention as a foundation for their worth.

So there's an important distinction between:

"I don't need this particular person to validate me."

and

"I don't need my identity as a desirable person to validate me."

You can be completely unfazed by one woman withdrawing attention while still being deeply invested in being the kind of man who has money, status, options, and access to highly attractive women.

[LordFall]

Sure, you're still rejecting abundance as a valid frame though. Why does it scare you so much?

What you just described can be simply summarized as having the self-awareness to understand your wants and needs and knowing where they come from. 

Edited 1 hour ago by LordFall

[AION]

2 hours ago, Valach said:

I mean, you talk about some tough game all the time on the forum. And then you open a post like this that just reeks of insecurity. It is really for contemplation why do you care about such stuff as guys laughing at you etc.

But to the topic... How did you decide she is "relationships" material for you? Based on what? You are attracted to her, that is important, but besides that?

And what is your long term vision for your life? In general and in regards to relationships?

Body count in itself is a complicated topic. I went through phases of being really insecure and caring about it, then not caring at all to now some sort of middle ground. Why does it matter to you?

You are not reading me correctly. I don’t care about guys opinion. I’m just annoyed at the idea myself. If you had two plates of food. One is licked and the other is not licked. Which one would you choose? 
 

That is just a matter of taste. Perhaps you are the guy who likes licked things. 
 

More important factor is the inherited emotional baggage and stuff.  I want them malleable. 
 

my experience is that such girls take the grievances they have with their exes on their current bfs. 

[AION]

2 hours ago, LordFall said:

Screening mechanisms are very important for you as a man to give your commitment and energy to a woman. Regardless of if she has 500 body count or 0 or tattoos or goes to church 5x a week. I think honestly the best way is to date casually and to not have exclusivity on the table until 3-6 months into the relationship when you've tested her in many situations. The classic are living together and travelling together. A lease is a bit commitment but you can invite her on a weekend getaway with flights and see if you spending that time with her is a dream experience or a fucking headache as her stress is unmanaged and she can't relax into her femininity and let you create a beautiful experience for the both of you.

A good litmus test is what does she add to your life outside of her beauty and sex. Is she actually a valuable and fun person to spend time with or are you in scarcity, lonely or just that she puts up a good front and lovebombs/sexbombs you? 

I love her feminine energy. She is polish and lets me take the lead. She is funny which is rare nowadays. She is not love bombing me. I think she is pink pill. She rarely shows her cards but sometimes I can see it in her eyes that she loves me. But she never says it. I think she wants to settle down. But I’m not sure about that. I’m in for the fun. 

[Valach]

4 minutes ago, AION said:

You are not reading me correctly. I don’t care about guys opinion. I’m just annoyed at the idea myself. If you had two plates of food. One is licked and the other is not licked. Which one would you choose? 
 

That is just a matter of taste. Perhaps you are the guy who likes licked things. 
 

More important factor is the inherited emotional baggage and stuff.  I want them malleable. 
 

my experience is that such girls take the grievances they have with their exes on their current bfs. 

Ye, yea. Comparing woman to food. You clearly do not care and do not derive sense of self worth from her.

[Xonas Pitfall]

Dude, how in the living fuck are you in a spirituality forum speaking like this 😂

5 minutes ago, AION said:

I think she wants to settle down. But I’m not sure about that. I’m in for the fun. 

Quote

If you had two plates of food. One is licked and the other is not licked. Which one would you choose? 

Quote

 I want them malleable.

Quote

 She is only 27. Usually going for younger

Quote

I can’t phantom the idea of me walking down the street and some guys laughing behind my back. 

Quote

Although she is an arm candy and it is amazing to show off.

Quote

Perhaps you are the guy who likes licked things. 

 

Edited 23 minutes ago by Xonas Pitfall

[LordFall]

4 minutes ago, AION said:

I love her feminine energy. She is polish and lets me take the lead. She is funny which is rare nowadays. She is not love bombing me. I think she is pink pill. She rarely shows her cards but sometimes I can see it in her eyes that she loves me. But she never says it. I think she wants to settle down. But I’m not sure about that. I’m in for the fun. 

Have you tried polyamory before? I think it's worth exploring to unlock deeper dating paradigms and also push your comfort zone especially if you do enjoy spending time with her but want to continue dating other women or expanding your game skills and social capital without trapping yourself in a monogamous relationship prematurely.

The concept of not sowing enough seeds and reaping too soon is very common on this forum. Be careful of that trap, I've seen countless men fall into it. 

[AION]

2 hours ago, Lyubov said:

You have to be careful here in both your framing and perspective on this because entangling 2-3 things here can hurting you.

You can have preferences for your partner / girlfriend / wife, etc. That is fine. You can honor your preferences and even pressure test them with your spirit and truth. Is what you believe in terms of your preferences aligned with your highest truth and authentic self? Are they principles you would teach your kids? Wanting your partner to have a certain degree of physical and psychological health are all fine. That can be linked to their past and prior experience and prior boyfriends/partners, sure. Wanting a certain type of experience with a woman is valid, perhaps you have a want to feel intimate because you believe you and your partner are on the same page and share a similar background when you have similar experiences. Maybe you want to feel nice that you get to show your partner something new they haven't experienced before. Keep in mind reality sometimes does not align with our preferences though and often times our expectations are not met the more expectations we hold. But having a preference for a woman with a certain background can be fine to hold or pursue. 

Where you go wrong is tying in your worth. You care what other men think. You define your value based on who you are with. This is where you doubt your value and cut yourself off from the Tao. You hurt yourself here and you cloud your reasoning and ability to act in flow on your authentic preferences when you care what others think or define your worth on your partner. 

Lastly I would say is really observe life, observe dating, gain experience, see what it is like where you are and do not draw conclusions. Are your expectations realistic? Would you look for a virgin in a nightclub? Would you look for a hook up in a mosque? Make sure you are not clouding your senses with how you think reality should be vs how it actually is. 

Thanks I will contemplate this. But how not to get cut off from the Tao though?

[Valach]

1 minute ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

Dude, how in the living fuck are you in a spirituality forum speaking like this 😂

 

Then we wonder why we have no woman engaging here.

[AION]

1 minute ago, LordFall said:

Have you tried polyamory before? I think it's worth exploring to unlock deeper dating paradigms and also push your comfort zone especially if you do enjoy spending time with her but want to continue dating other women or expanding your game skills and social capital without trapping yourself in a monogamous relationship prematurely.

The concept of not sowing enough seeds and reaping too soon is very common on this forum. Be careful of that trap, I've seen countless men fall into it. 

That is what I’m trying. I’m trying to love multiple women and not be fixated on one. It is such a liberating state to not be tied to one source of love. 

[AION]

1 minute ago, Valach said:

Then we wonder why we have no woman engaging here.

And white knighting again. Your thristiness just drips from your messages. 😭

[Valach]

Just now, AION said:

And white knighting again. Your thristiness just drips from your messages. 😭

Yes, everyone who views woman as humans is a whiteknight from your paradigm.

[LordFall]

3 minutes ago, AION said:

That is what I’m trying. I’m trying to love multiple women and not be fixated on one. It is such a liberating state to not be tied to one source of love. 

Absolutely. It's important to understand that dating in our society is based on paradigms enforced on us by hundreds and really thousands of years of group think. To let go of those shackles is very scary but beautiful.

Everyone on this forum is coming at it from a different frame so they will disgaree with you vehemently. You should take the advice I wrote about earlier and write a full page at least if not 3-4 on your dating goals and needs and if anything in the universe was possible, what would your life overall and dating life look like in 5-10 years and not let anybody gaslight you out of achieving it. 

Edited 18 minutes ago by LordFall

[AION]

That is so true. Love is kind. But at the same time you have to limit love to make it meaningful and give it form. 

[AION]

1 minute ago, LordFall said:

Absolutely. It's important that dating in our society is based on paradigms enforced on us by hundreds and really thousands of years of group think. To let go of those shackles is very scary but beautiful. Everyone on this forum is coming at it from a different frame so they will disgaree with you vehemently. You should take the advice I wrote about earlier and write a full page at least if not 3-4 on your dating goals and needs and if anything in the universe was possible, what would your life overall and dating life look like in 5-10 years and not let anybody gaslight you out of achieving it. 

I don’t have crazy goals though. I just want one wife and child. But I want to develop myself so much that if our relationship ends I will be able to find a new gf the next month. So now I’m just training myself in various social and emotional skills. I have codependency. That is my biggest obstacle to overcome. 

[AION]

4 minutes ago, Valach said:

Yes, everyone who views woman as humans is a whiteknight from your paradigm.

You don’t get any pussy. That is for sure.