approaching was a bit rough today

[Valach]

13 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Some year ago I met a guy who was in the game for 10 years, and he asked me for advice. His level was basically of a total newbie. I was shocked. Still had approach anxiety.

I would argue that some level of approach anxiety is healthy and warranted even after years and after having success. I still get anxious when approaching a woman I like,

A lot of guys who have no fear simply dissociated from their own emotions, not good.

Edited August 5 by Valach

[AION]

Women teach you to love the process instead of the result. That is probably also the cure to get rid of your depression and at the same time the solution to get girls. If you just talk to them to have fun in the process things will work itself out. This also counts for life in general. Just have fun and enjoy the process. It is not an intellectual thing. And it is not easy.

Edited August 5 by AION

[Olaf]

Today went better, I watched some things on Owen about decision, persona and self judgement fatigue, I think that set things in perspective I realised that I am acting like an introvert as I am introverted lol, but that when I am doing this social stuff I should act more like an extrovert, aka get energy from conversations by removing the fatigues, the energy leakages. That is why going crazy in a club would work, because you just talk with everyone and you spend very little time in between sets, not out of rushing to talk to people quickly, but to just let yourself take action fully without holding back or judging yourself. Something I am still figuring out to navigate, but something I wanted to share. @LifeEnjoyer thank you for your answer.

Also the idea of introverted people is that they get energy from taking breaks and being alone and I think what Owen is trying to explain is what extroverts naturally feel and that is that you can get more energy from being social. It comes down to energy. 

Edited August 5 by Olaf

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, Valach said:

I would argue that some level of approach anxiety is healthy and warranted even after years and after having success. I still get anxious when approaching a woman I like,

A lot of guys who have no fear simply dissociated from their own emotions, not good.

It wasn’t a healthy kind of anxiety.

[Valach]

4 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

It wasn’t a healthy kind of anxiety.

Not disputing that;)

[Joseph Maynor]

On 8/4/2026 at 3:07 PM, Miguel1 said:

For you, focus on becoming good at opening sets. It’s the most awkward phase of the interaction. Once you get good at that, the rest will be easy.

This is analogous to music where when you take a solo it is the first part of the solo that draws the listener in and is the most important.  You can stretch out in the rest of the solo.  It is the same principle in all artistry.  

[Olaf]

Okay this is exactly what was happening, holy shit he describes it so well. 

You get tense, because you are trying harder, that is also what I felt at the end of that bad day. Like my muscles were more tight. This is starting to make sense, his advice says: become 10% less tense, act like you're stoned lol or become aware of the tension, but just don't use it, like with singing. I have had singing lessons so I exactly know what he means when he talks about the tension when you are trying to force a note. I think Owen calls it tension versus release muscles.