Should I Leave a Loving Relationship for Growth and Intellectual Compatibility?

[integral]

1 minute ago, Elliott said:

He's in a toxic abusive relationship with you. His girlfriend is not toxic, just not what he's looking for.

From your perspective what i said is toxic abuse? 

1 minute ago, Elliott said:

just not what he's looking for.

and what i said is he needs life experience to know what hes looking for.

[Elliott]

13 minutes ago, integral said:

From your perspective what i said is toxic abuse? 

Ya

13 minutes ago, integral said:

and what i said is he needs life experience to know what hes looking for.

You said that AND that what he will learn is that his current girlfriend is what he will wind up wanting.

[integral]

Just now, Elliott said:

that what he will learn is that his current girlfriend is what he will wind up wanting.

Why is that such a crazy thing to say?

[Elliott]

16 minutes ago, integral said:

Why is that such a crazy thing to say?

 

1 hour ago, integral said:

Let's assume someone does not have a scarcity mindset, they do have options and yet they're in a great relationship with a great woman who has one imperfection.

Now your whole post looks like someone has to chase perfection or else there settling, so the framing is everything is settling and that's weakness and therefore it's wrong. 

Do you "deserve a Lamborghini?" the answer: The question is a shallow value projection. 

Needing Perfection is the pathology.

Because these are children's games.

If you're in a great relationship and still not happy it's because you have to grow up. And there's nothing wrong with needing to grow up and if that growing up means you have to leave the relationship to experience life then that's what you got to do.

 

56 minutes ago, integral said:

I didn't say he had to settle. I said if he has a problem he needs more life experience and that means he has to leave the relationship and get that experience

 

You never said what's in bold, reread your middle comment I'm quoting here, go back and reread your comments, it was close, but the difference is important, you're explicit here in bold, now saying 'he definitely needs to break up'.

Edited 36 minutes ago by Elliott

[integral]

34 minutes ago, Elliott said:

You never said what's in bold, reread your middle comment I'm quoting here, go back and reread your comments, it was close, but the difference is important, you're explicit here in bold, now saying 'he definitely needs to break up'.

I read in the previous comment that people were interpreting what we were saying as that he should stay in the relationship.

When what we're talking about is he doesn't have any gratitude or appreciation or understanding what life is about.

and @LordFall will frame gratitude as weakness, settling, scarcity mindset, laziness and so on. and that's only true when they didn't do any self development work, when they didn't pursue all of that stuff and now they're actually coping.

This is his first relationship and he found something to be unhappy about, And that's fine that's how we are all built and now he has to go and date 600 more women to find that they're all basically the same.

Everyone you're going to date is going to have strengths and weaknesses.

@LordFall the MBTI point was good, point you to compatibility is important. 

Edited 6 minutes ago by integral

[Elliott]

21 minutes ago, integral said:

 

This is his first relationship and he found something to be unhappy about, And that's fine that's how he's built and now he has to go and date 600 more women to find that they're all basically the same.

Everyone you're going to date is going to have strengths and weaknesses

Amen

 

*Not 600 women, obviously hyperbole, hopefully just one more

By the way, my dating method is not dating a lot, what I suggest is being friends first, go make friends with women, you'll marry your next girlfriend.

Edited 7 minutes ago by Elliott

[integral]

13 minutes ago, Elliott said:

By the way, my dating method is not dating a lot, what I suggest is being friends first, go make friends with women, you'll marry your next girlfriend.

It's hard to know if you're compatible with someone if you don't live with them