being social feeling empty

[Olaf]

I would say, I am an introvert, this means I enjoy spending time alone. Besides being introverted, I do challenge myself probably more than any introvert to go out and meet people and honestly, I don't know why extroverted people enjoy talking so much. I talk and talk and talk, I run out of energy and then I would like to either go deeper, talking about deeper stuff then "look at what that guy is wearing, he looks like superman" or some random ass conversation that leads nowhere. Not only that, I feel I am wasting energy as somehow I have found that people rarely contribute energy to a conversation, maybe it's just me, but I rarely speak to people who actively contribute energy to the conversation. It's all my energy down the drain, basically a quick way to lose energy, that is why when I decide to socialise, I take breaks in between, because I need to gain back energy and reciprocate when no one reciprocates back.

That doesn't MEAN that I never have fun conversations or that there is not allot of fun to be had, surely it's funny to socialise, but also it's not really fulfilling to me, I really do it mainly for the skillset, for becoming more charismatic and to learn, then for the enjoyment of it. Also, it might be that people are more antisocial than ever, always on their phone in the club or wherever, which makes people lack basic empathy and connection, just some empty-headed chicken I am talking to, so even when I seek depth it probably isn't even there. People just use you and take from you if they can, I feel that in a more conscious society we would have more empathy and in fact I would say that during covid we have gone downwards, maybe the vaccine has activated the demon lord hahaha.

The isolation let to people no longer know how to connect or something, a viral post is more important then human decency, if someone would get into a fight no one would help everyone would film and post on tiktok. Anyways enough ranting for today, I am still glad I go out there as I learn allot and now and then I meet amazing people so it is great to see that there are some rare diamonds out there. Deeper fulfillment for me is found alone not with random strangers, I rather spend a day in nature or on the beach then socialising in a club or anywhere else. Don't know where this rant is going, but I guess it's better to express yourself then to depress yourself. Enough yapping for today. 

[caspex]

Same here. Naturally introverted too.

Although I have noticed that when my heart is open, the point of the conversation shifts from thinking into feeling. I.e. meaningful discussion into having fun.

From the perspective of the mind, which is the usual for introverts I'd say, a meaningful conversation triumphs a fun one. This is because after a fun conversation you come out feeling empty of meaning, as if you wasted your time. 

I felt this all the time. But now after practice I get that for extroverts the fun is the meaning. They are more heart centric. When my heart is very open and active, I can naturally flow into any conversation, have fun with anyone, I become naturally more energetic.

I have come to love such 'meaningless' conversations because now I know it's a practice for my heart's openness and not meaningless. 

 

When your heart is active, you become naturally extroverted. A gifted extroverted person can easily have you open up your heart too, like a guru. This level of extroversion is very rare though.

I still prefer the mind state though. One of my friends is naturally an extrovert. He knows so little of the world, how to do stuff and be efficient. He doesn't have any skills and nothing that sets him apart. This is because he spent all his time socializing rather than building knowledge or skill. He really needs to develop his mind instead of being in the heart all the time.

Edited 18 hours ago by caspex

[Olaf]

@caspex interesting take, I never looked at it that way, I will think about it

[something_else]

If you consistently feel people aren't contributing energy to the conversation then it is worth bearing in mind that you are the common denominator there. It could be that you are either coming across too intense (when you're in the "I'm trying to make myself more interesting" state of an introvert learning to be more extroverted) or too quiet (when you're in full introvert mode)

The key to quality connection and conversation with energy is that both parties have to be comfortable and relaxed. If you want people to contribute more energy, counter-intuitively you have to help them feel relaxed and comfortable around you. Casual humour, genuine compliments, and shared activities are some of the best ways to do this. 

Gifted extroverts do it quite naturally, but for us introverts it requires more practice. We tend to either come across as too intense/serious or too quiet, finding the balance is hard.

[LordFall]

Your issue is the method of socializing. Introverts enjoy depth. Extroverts enjoy letting loose after a week of work. Use your brain to put yourself in more intellectual environments and create your own through social circle game. 

Have you ever hosted your own party before? That's where I'd start. You also change the center of gravity to yourself as opposed to you having to cold approach people to hook them. Meaning that other people will be the ones approaching you to hook you instead! 

I wrote a post on social circle game here. I filmed a vlog at the photoshoot I hosted last weekend, will be editing it and posting it soon.

 

[Olaf]

@LordFall sounds awesome, where do you host these?

[Olaf]

@something_else never heard of this before, sounds interesting

[LordFall]

59 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@LordFall sounds awesome, where do you host these?

Best place to start is if you have a nice big place. If not then you have to be a bit more creative.

You can:

- Make friends with a richer dude and you team up and do more the promoting and he does the hosting. That's what I did with Jeff of the Velvet Network.

- Partner up with a venue like a small bar/restaurant and bring people for events regularly. It's win-win for them as most small establishments are totally down to host you for free as they'll make money on the food/drinks and sometimes you can negotiate a % of bar tab if you're consistent.

- Rent a studio. There are platforms like peerspace that let you rent various types of venues from like $30-200 an hour. That's how I hosted my first few photoshoots. You can fund it yourself or partner up with other people interested in that type of stuff and split the costs. 

Socialization because fun IMO when you treat it like a video game. You level up the more you do it and you have to figure out how the system works and once you do you basically rank up and you feel the difference when you hangout with people that have no idea what they're doing. It's also very cool when people start thanking you for hosting stuff and when you say "I'm an introvert, I don't socialize that often" and they go "No way I don't believe you, you know so many people and host the coolest events!"