being social feeling empty

[Olaf]

I would say, I am an introvert, this means I enjoy spending time alone. Besides being introverted, I do challenge myself probably more than any introvert to go out and meet people and honestly, I don't know why extroverted people enjoy talking so much. I talk and talk and talk, I run out of energy and then I would like to either go deeper, talking about deeper stuff then "look at what that guy is wearing, he looks like superman" or some random ass conversation that leads nowhere. Not only that, I feel I am wasting energy as somehow I have found that people rarely contribute energy to a conversation, maybe it's just me, but I rarely speak to people who actively contribute energy to the conversation. It's all my energy down the drain, basically a quick way to lose energy, that is why when I decide to socialise, I take breaks in between, because I need to gain back energy and reciprocate when no one reciprocates back.

That doesn't MEAN that I never have fun conversations or that there is not allot of fun to be had, surely it's funny to socialise, but also it's not really fulfilling to me, I really do it mainly for the skillset, for becoming more charismatic and to learn, then for the enjoyment of it. Also, it might be that people are more antisocial than ever, always on their phone in the club or wherever, which makes people lack basic empathy and connection, just some empty-headed chicken I am talking to, so even when I seek depth it probably isn't even there. People just use you and take from you if they can, I feel that in a more conscious society we would have more empathy and in fact I would say that during covid we have gone downwards, maybe the vaccine has activated the demon lord hahaha.

The isolation let to people no longer know how to connect or something, a viral post is more important then human decency, if someone would get into a fight no one would help everyone would film and post on tiktok. Anyways enough ranting for today, I am still glad I go out there as I learn allot and now and then I meet amazing people so it is great to see that there are some rare diamonds out there. Deeper fulfillment for me is found alone not with random strangers, I rather spend a day in nature or on the beach then socialising in a club or anywhere else. Don't know where this rant is going, but I guess it's better to express yourself then to depress yourself. Enough yapping for today.