If you're struggling with pick up...

[Artsy]

Here's a reframe that's helped me. 

Simply enjoy socialising with EVERYONE. Forget about pick up.

One of the biggest blocks I've had with the frame is the state of neediness I've had come up from trying to/having an expectation for "more to happen," whether a number or sex or whatever. 

I've found pickup has also conditioned this distinction of hot girl / everyone else, and there's programmed behaviours that come with that perception for me ~ hot girl, i choke, everyone else I've learned to vibe hard

Especially if you don't have a basic social foundation of regular socialising/social flow, this will help A LOT. 

You're just starting from a way better fucking state than whatever blocks you're coming from that you believe you have so you came to learn pick up in the first place.

Learning to just fucking enjoy socialising, is a massive win ~ not only does it take pressure of this chasing sex game/frame. But socialising in of itself becomes the win ~ which means you'll do it more, and WANT to do the process of mad approaches, because you're there to vibe and see what happens NOT to get anything. 

Free is becomes my mind instead of being caught up in a percieved zero sum win/lose game of, oh I did/didn't get laid tonight ~ I'm great/I suck. 

Too volatile. Learn to enjoy the ride, this time can also be used to become conscious of your social ticks as you do it ~ am I comfortable holding eye contact? Being the center of attention? Leading group dynamics? Being vulnerable or honest with strangers? 

What do I/how can I most enjoy socialising with everyone?

Practically in bar settings for example, if you know you're going to talk to everyone anyway, you also know you'll open whatever girl you noticed but feel too intimated to go and talk straight up to.

If you can get fascinated in the whole picture of inner work with socialising, your patterns with women become part of the mission ~ not the whole mission. Takes the pressure off. You have fun. You come off as more attractive, very social/lots of friends/learning deeply about yourself... you get the picture. 

 

TL;DR: relax bro.

[aurum]

Good stuff.

The next level is coming back to learning how to be strategic with your time and selective with your attention. But now, not from a place of intimidation or heavy neediness.

[something_else]

I got laid more when I went out to have fun than when I went out to get laid

Once you know how to relax and have a good time when you go out then you can focus a bit more on getting laid and it comes across as much more authentic.

“I’m a fun guy who just wants to get laid tonight” is fairly attractive mindset once you have the “fun” part down