My father makes me angry

[Alex_R]

Unfortunatelly i got the same issue and the only way to solve it was to get angry and move out, then after 2 Years compassion for my father arised

[Hojo]

You dont have to figure out why you dont like him. You just have to forgive him in your own mind.

[Nick_98]

3 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

It's an activity you are actively generating, not a curse. You want it (unconsciously) because it is serving a function for you.

Maybe start by allowing yourself to feel the anger completely. No need to act it out, just feel it. Then you'll be in a better position to ask what anger is and why you are feeling it in this case.

Investigate your experience of the anger as it occurs. What is it? Find out what it is for real. What makes up the emotion? For example, it seems to me that it exists in relation to a past time. It's about something that has passed, even if only a millisecond ago.

I have found in the past that letting my emotions rise and investigating it is a tough experience and affects my psychological well being negatively.however, I will still try to do that, guess there is only one way out. Thanks for the advice.

[Nick_98]

2 hours ago, Alex_R said:

I feel that there is something on Him that is present on You and you dont like it subconcoiusly so you repress it and got anger by that repression

I don’t know. But nice guess.

[Nick_98]

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

You dont have to figure out why you dont like him. You just have to forgive him in your own mind.

Hmmm thanks.

[UnbornTao]

Just now, Nick_98 said:

I have found in the past that letting my emotions rise and investigating it is a tough experience and affects my psychological well being negatively.however, I will still try to do that, guess there is only one way out. Thanks for the advice.

Yes, it can feel that way. To be clear, there's a difference between letting the anger arise on the one hand, and acting out it on the other. Feeling it without suppressing it nor acting it out is what I'm talking about here.

[Nick_98]

I guess that’s what I’ve actively let myself do for the past two years but did yield small improvements

 

10 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Yes, it can feel that way. To be clear, there's a difference between letting the anger arise on the one hand, and acting out it on the other. Feeling it without suppressing it nor acting it out is what I'm talking about here.

 

Edited 2 hours ago by Nick_98

[Nick_98]

9 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Yes, it can feel that way. To be clear, there's a difference between letting the anger arise on the one hand, and acting out it on the other. Feeling it without suppressing it nor acting it out is what I'm talking about here.

I’ve done that in the past and still do. I let these thoughts arise without acting on it.

When I said he makes me angry I didn’t mean I express this anger out I just meant the emotion of anger arises

Edited 2 hours ago by Nick_98

[Hojo]

@Nick_98 you have a universe inside you and there is a universe outside you. When this universe effects the universe inside of you anger comes.

Edited 2 hours ago by Hojo

[Nick_98]

30 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

14 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Nick_98 you have a universe inside you and there is a universe outside you. When this universe effects the universe inside of you anger comes

 

 

Nice Nice. Also I want to add that whenever he speaks I feel uncomfortable. It’s like my brain or I am wired to think of him as an enemy. Lol.  I never experience that with other people even if they talk shit. 
i think the Quraan knew about this.. that is why it was mentioned in Islam to treat your parents nicely. Maybe they have seen this event coming as a challenge for each individual , that their parents could be a challenge. 
i don’t know. i’m just bluffing !

but if I just treat every situation like the people advised, to move out to leave the house etc.. that wouldn’t be a life that would just be me trying to escape reality and my own demons! And I know they will chase me somehow somewhere else, in the workplace , with my partner, my children etc.. so I’m trying to overcome this inner demon not run away from it. I believe so far I am doing a great job. just the fact that till this day we maintain a relationship that is OK is a success for me. I’m very proud about myself. That really is boosting my self esteem.

but yall have been great! Thanks for your advices. I hope you have a wonderful year  
 

Edited 2 hours ago by Nick_98

[UnbornTao]

22 minutes ago, Nick_98 said:

I’ve done that in the past and still do. I let these thoughts arise without acting on it.

Maybe. But it keeps bugging you, so there's likely still more to be grasped about the emotion.

Let the thoughts arise but more importantly, let the anger arise. See what you can uncover about it.

Quote

When I said he makes me angry I didn’t mean I express this anger out I just meant the emotion of anger arises

It looks like the anger just arises on its own. This is convincing, and it's what we tend to assume. But it might not be true. Try to pay attention to what you do prior to feeling anger. Maybe it is you who generates it, and the circumstances merely help you create it.

Anyway, the theory is easy on paper. In practice, it can be more challenging. Good luck.

[Nick_98]

37 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Yes, it can feel that way. To be clear, there's a difference between letting the anger arise on the one hand, and acting out it on the other. Feeling it without suppressing it nor acting it out is what I'm talking about

I guess that’s what I’ve actively  myself to do for the past two years but did yield small improvements

.

 

thank you. Before the anger arises I feel un comfort especially when he shows up or start speaking. When I focus on that un confort I realise that just the fact that he is speaking is for me irritating, the words that come outside his mouth immediately initiate that feeling of discomfort. 
The problem is I tried to focus on what happened before that discomfort arise and the problem is. I can’t be more aware than that. I take my breaths and follow my body but still do not unravel anything deeper. My awareness is trapped on the fact that all I remember is that his words and presence make me suddenly uncomfortable. Then after that the anger starts to show up. Lol ! 

[Joshe]

Some ideas:

[UnbornTao]

41 minutes ago, Nick_98 said:

thank you. Before the anger arises I feel un comfort especially when he shows up or start speaking. When I focus on that un confort I realise that just the fact that he is speaking is for me irritating, the words that come outside his mouth immediately initiate that feeling of discomfort. 
The problem is I tried to focus on what happened before that discomfort arise and the problem is. I can’t be more aware than that. I take my breaths and follow my body but still do not unravel anything deeper. My awareness is trapped on the fact that all I remember is that his words and presence make me suddenly uncomfortable. Then after that the anger starts to show up. Lol ! 

Keep at it. And remember to do it experientially, not just think about it.