Finally back in the game

[TheGod]

Ever since, I quit spirituality. I don’t do anything related to it anymore. I don’t watch Leo’s videos, I don’t contemplate, I don’t read spiritual books. I thought I would feel bad but I feel amazing. My psyche finally stabilized and I don’t experience anxiety attacks, negativity, loneliness or depression. I’m hitting the gym, pursuing my hobbies, exploring new dating opportunities and planning on moving to a new country this year.

I had been pursuing spiritual development for the last 5 years. I’d been on 100+ trips and I had experienced at least dozens of profound and complete awakenings (although complete awakening is a delusion because it’s infinity withing infinity forever).

During my most profound awakenings I would always reach god state and as God I would always choose to come back. It would give me a lot of frustration and it would leave me puzzled because I had been brainwashed by fools convincing me that God wants to wake up and if it doesn’t it’s ego. Which is why I would keep pushing myself over and over again but results were always the same. I was also denying my human needs, thinking that I transcended most of it and I didn’t need anything. It led to my frustration, covered-up loneliness and self deception. It made me depressed, negative and cornered. I was getting very close to committing suicide so I am happy that I stopped.

I’m happy to be back and I don’t know if I ever go back to spirituality, I highly doubt it. It's just been 2 months and every day I feel more grounded and stable. The idea of spending infinity in my dreams seems to be very transcendently romantic because that’s what God wants. It wants romance, sex, human connection, friendship, travelling and drama of life. So I’m letting it be. 

[theleelajoker]

Happy for you. 

I can't really understand why people call one thing "spirituality" and another thing "not spiritual stuff" though. Don't know your experiences, but for me it's a ridiculous statement.  It sounds like the front side of the coin saying "I'm the only, the best, just look at me, only I exist" and the back side of the coin smirking and thinking "OK, I let it believe that..for a while" 

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The idea of spending infinity in my dreams seems to be very transcendently romantic because that’s what God wants. It wants romance, sex, human connection, friendship, travelling and drama of life. So I’m letting it be. 

So before you "knew" what god wants (waking up), and now you "know" it's the opposite?

I am very careful to believe I know what this is about. Maybe it's not the one or the other, but both? Becoming more conscious, to live life more fully? Or infinite other reasons? 

 

[Breakingthewall]

On 4/1/2026 at 6:47 AM, TheGod said:

During my most profound awakenings I would always reach god state and as God I would always choose to come back. It would give me a lot of frustration and it would leave me puzzled because I had been brainwashed by fools convincing me that God wants to wake up and if it doesn’t it’s ego

Perhaps after the 100 psychedelic trips you said to have had, you've realized that the "divine" state and the "human" state are simply two different subjective perceptions, both limited. They are attempts to trick your energy system into operating in a "mystical" rather than a "mundane" way. Both are perceptions with edges and a bottom.

Enlightenment is the absence of edges and a bottom, and no substance will take you there because if your system needs edges and a bottom, when its pushed by the substance, it will create other, broader edges, but they will still be borders

 

 

 

Edited Monday at 12:04 PM by Breakingthewall

[Ramasta9]

That's cause Awakening cannot evolve into Enlightenment until everything is dropped and The Truth becomes grounded and stabilized in ones being.

See, many often focus on 'ascending' and 'accelerating', not realizing they are in a endless cycle of the mind giving itself new fancy pictures, tricking itself that there's more, but really, it just keeps one further away from truly surrendering and resting in being, and there you are, as you were.

The mind is the one who is afraid of surrendering and resting, thus always seeks to go higher, not realizing true height is depth.

The Buddha's Middle Way ~ is right here, on earth, living our human lives, fully embodied and present.

 

[Opulence]

53 minutes ago, Ramasta9 said:

That's cause Awakening cannot evolve into Enlightenment until everything is dropped and The Truth becomes grounded and stabilized in ones being.

See, many often focus on 'ascending' and 'accelerating', not realizing they are in a endless cycle of the mind giving itself new fancy pictures, tricking itself that there's more, but really, it just keeps one further away from truly surrendering and resting in being, and there you are, as you were.

The mind is the one who is afraid of surrendering and resting, thus always seeks to go higher, not realizing true height is depth.

The Buddha's Middle Way ~ is right here, on earth, living our human lives, fully embodied and present.

 

Well said and I absolutely agree. Even the identity of “one who has awakened” must eventually fall away. Otherwise, spirituality becomes just another costume the mind wears to avoid disappearing.

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Ramasta9 said:

That's cause Awakening cannot evolve into Enlightenment until everything is dropped and The Truth becomes grounded and stabilized in ones being.

See, many often focus on 'ascending' and 'accelerating', not realizing they are in a endless cycle of the mind giving itself new fancy pictures, tricking itself that there's more, but really, it just keeps one further away from truly surrendering and resting in being, and there you are, as you were.

The mind is the one who is afraid of surrendering and resting, thus always seeks to go higher, not realizing true height is depth.

The Buddha's Middle Way ~ is right here, on earth, living our human lives, fully embodied and present.

 

I agree with @Opulence - well said.

With one exception. Where I slowly tend towards a different direction:

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The mind is the one who is afraid of surrendering and resting, thus always seeks to go higher, not realizing true height is depth.

Is that really so? I see tiredness as well. My mind more and more enjoys its rest. It wants its proper role in life, too. Not being the "bad guy" whose fault it is that we are unhappy. It it could speak, I am sure it would be quite pissed about how we treat it, how we perceive it, how we talk about it. Not the tool is the problem, its how we use it. 

The key is realizing - on whatever level you experience (emotions,intellect, deep knowing) -  that it quite exhausting to fight yourself all the time. To plan ALL THE TIME and to build identity that needs defense ALL THE TIME. Seriously, who wants to do this? And who wants to fight his own mind all the time?

Why and by whom has this idea been created that the mind resists, and is afraid, and needs surrender etc etc. WTF?  I believe it's simply a) wrong conditioning b) Ignorance.  I highly question that it needs to be a fight instead of a cooperation. It's just attitude and respect for that wonderful thing we have been given. 

The way we use the mind on the west is as if you use a beautiful high-end quality knife to cut down a tree. Yeah, you can do it but it's not effective, it's exhausting and it's almost an insult to this incredible tool. 

What is the alternative?

Talk to the mind as a friend, create win-win situations where you don't have inner conflict. Set the mind to use where it's most suited. Use it to cut food, to save lifes, to build shelter etc etc. Or to cut flowers to give a nice gift  

[Ramasta9]

8 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

I agree with @Opulence - well said.

With one exception. Where I slowly tend towards a different direction:

Is that really so? I see tiredness as well. My mind more and more enjoys its rest. It wants its proper role in life, too. Not being the "bad guy" whose fault it is that we are unhappy. It it could speak, I am sure it would be quite pissed about how we treat it, how we perceive it, how we talk about it. Not the tool is the problem, its how we use it. 

The key is realizing - on whatever level you experience (emotions,intellect, deep knowing) -  that it quite exhausting to fight yourself all the time. To plan ALL THE TIME and to build identity that needs defense ALL THE TIME. Seriously, who wants to do this? And who wants to fight his own mind all the time?

Why and by whom has this idea been created that the mind resists, and is afraid, and needs surrender etc etc. WTF?  I believe it's simply a) wrong conditioning b) Ignorance.  I highly question that it needs to be a fight instead of a cooperation. It's just attitude and respect for that wonderful thing we have been given. 

The way we use the mind on the west is as if you use a beautiful high-end quality knife to cut down a tree. Yeah, you can do it but it's not effective, it's exhausting and it's almost an insult to this incredible tool. 

What is the alternative?

Talk to the mind as a friend, create win-win situations where you don't have inner conflict. Set the mind to use where it's most suited. Use it to cut food, to save lifes, to build shelter etc etc. Or to cut flowers to give a nice gift  

The mind is very nature is activity / engagement, without it, it feels pointless/useless.

There is a useful mind and there is a disturbed / overstimulated mind, or nervous system, what have you.

The mind resists surrendering itself because it fears loss of control, yet if the body is strong, mind rests and becomes one with the body, so to speak, and goes hand in hand, harmony in the mind/body/spirit, that even though its all one, the separateness or disagreement or misalignment... is what needs harmonization. Modern humans are scattered because we don't live naturally, we live mostly artificially, on screens, junk foods, not moving our bodies, not hiking mountains gathering food, not creating hands-on service ect... thus imbalance is a side-effect of an artificial living.

I agree that harmony and corporation is needed and not a fight or battle of and with the mind, you only feed it more cookies. In my experience when the body is healthy and strong, the mind feels safe to rest and surrender into being. This is often why yogis are so active in body.

You will find when you move your whole body and become of use in the world, ones mind becomes far more anchored and balanced. Yet, when we spend all day on screens then cant shut down our mind from thinking afterwards, its due to the over-stimulation / inflammation of nervous system.

The mind is like a tool, we use it when we engage, but if we are resting and its running wild, there is an imbalance and instability.

If you find you cannot rest or meditate, try go for a run or dance or bust a sweat, then notice how meditative and zen you feel  

Thanks for your words, you made some useful points. Hopefully that makes sense.

[theleelajoker]

@Ramasta9

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Thanks for your words, you made some useful points. Hopefully that makes sense.

Thanks for your words, too. You made useful points as well  And your description correlates with many of my experiences. 

BTW, I like quite a few of your perspectives, also in previous points. 

The one thing I really want to emphasize again, is this assumption:

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The mind resists surrendering itself because it fears loss of control

I say: the mind is happy to have some rest - if it had it's "proper time" before. 

My sister has a dog, its super mega active. Every time I take the leash in my hand, he jumps around like a madman and is super duper happy to go on a walk and move. Once, in the morning,  I took him with me in the mountains. It's a small dog, with short legs but he had the time of his life and happily held the pace and more.  In the evening I wanted to go with him outside, but first time ever he did not jump. He was happy to rest. 

As soon as the mind realizes, that loss of control is WORSE then letting go, then it becomes much much more peaceful. See the mind as sth like a transparent medium that takes on any form it encounters—like a crystal that assumes the color of the object lying beside it. Before, we as humans are culturally programmed to be afraid of death, of loss of control etc. Before, it is afraid to rest. BUT IT IS NOT ITS NATURAL STATE. IT'S A PROGRAM, IT'S CONDITIONED.

So instead if "mind is afraid of surrender - you just say "mind is happy to rest". Step by step, day by day, you will notice change...

 

[Ramasta9]

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

@Ramasta9

Thanks for your words, too. You made useful points as well  And your description correlates with many of my experiences. 

BTW, I like quite a few of your perspectives, also in previous points. 

The one thing I really want to emphasize again, is this assumption:

I say: the mind is happy to have some rest - if it had it's "proper time" before. 

My sister has a dog, its super mega active. Every time I take the leash in my hand, he jumps around like a madman and is super duper happy to go on a walk and move. Once, in the morning,  I took him with me in the mountains. It's a small dog, with short legs but he had the time of his life and happily held the pace and more.  In the evening I wanted to go with him outside, but first time ever he did not jump. He was happy to rest. 

As soon as the mind realizes, that loss of control is WORSE then letting go, then it becomes much much more peaceful. See the mind as sth like a transparent medium that takes on any form it encounters—like a crystal that assumes the color of the object lying beside it. Before, we as humans are culturally programmed to be afraid of death, of loss of control etc. Before, it is afraid to rest. BUT IT IS NOT ITS NATURAL STATE. IT'S A PROGRAM, IT'S CONDITIONED.

So instead if "mind is afraid of surrender - you just say "mind is happy to rest". Step by step, day by day, you will notice change...

 

I see what you mean, thanks for your wisdom and reminder 🙏

[Dazgwny]

On 04/01/2026 at 5:47 AM, TheGod said:

It wants romance, sex, human connection, friendship, travelling and drama of life. So I’m letting it be

No it doesn’t. You want that. Have you not learned from your ‘complete awakenings’ that God wants for nothing. No bias toward anything, and certainly not those things. God is as happy to be a cockroach as it is to be you. And a cockroach is not arsed about human connection or the drama of life. But of course, let it be, because that is what you want, and there’s absolutely no problem with that. I’d just refrain from deluding yourself