How to cope with getting older

[Ryan M]

I’m 33 and ever since I reached my 30s the thought of getting any older haunts me every day. Something about reaching 40 specifically sounds so depressing. There’s not one good thing about getting older, I’d actually be happy if life ended at 40 just so I didn’t have to see an old version of myself and have an older partner, not to mention my health declining. Is it normal to feel this way?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

You have to move through a phase of deep allowance and acceptance.

Your looks will fade. This is just how it is. That is not to say you cannot remain attractive in later years - but the attractiveness of youth fades.

I always put immense investments in other areas of my life. When I was younger my grandmother told me 'pretty women die twice'. Wise words, even if I did not understand the full ramifications at the time. 'Every dog has his day' is another idiom quite related. Are you attached to your looks, body? Health is the only thing I care about now. Looks are secondary. I want to remain vital for as long as possible and that is all. I welcome aging now - it is a privilege  turning 40 this year & I am lucky to look decent still.

[Ulax]

I heard book: Staring At The Sun: Being at peace with your own mortality: Overcoming the Dread of Death by Irvin Yalom is helpful.

[LastThursday]

I think about this sort of thing constantly. I've just turned 53, so, you know.

Except, people are consistently surprised when I tell them my age. I was talking to a woman I play badminton with who works in a theatre, and she said "we need more young people like you in our theatre, everyone there's over 50". I didn't have the heart to tell her. I'm surprised myself when people think I'm younger.

My point is, is that "being old" is largely a state of mind, and your state of mind reflects in how you feel about yourself, and how others perceive you.

We are living in the 21st century, and people can and do keep their health well into their seventies. I have a friend who's 57 and regularly runs half marathons and longer. 

It's undeniable that you have less energy with age, and your looks can go down hill, and you'll start having aches and pains. But it's not a given. Life isn't just about "being youthful", there's lots of other more exciting things to compensate. You know yourself better, you're wiser, more intelligent, understand people better, make better decisions, take control, stand up for yourself, financially more stable. In other words lots and lots of things just keep improving and never stop. 

Do I wish was twenty again? Of course, but only if I can take my current knowledge and experience.

Getting old is just a change of emphasis, not an excuse to give up.