Changa sent me to the void

[PolyPeter]

Hi everyone, Yesterday I had the strongest trip of my life. I’m still stunned, processing, integrating.

Context: Three years ago I grew my own mushrooms and ate 4 dry grams alone. Six hours of brutal ego death fighting pointy “death mandalas” curled up on the floor under a blanket. I learned what real panic feels like. Forty minutes before the big one I took a 25 mg test hit of changa. Smooth, euphoric, felt like the best weed + clean MDMA ever. Got fully comfortable with the pipe and the feeling. Classic trap.

The Fatal Hit: 100 mg in one deep, clean toke. Held 15 seconds. Before I even exhaled I knew I was gone forever. Laid flat on my back.

Instant Blindness: Ten seconds after exhaling the same death mandalas from the mushroom trip detonated a thousand times stronger. Ceremonial, aggressive, blinding. No time to calm down. Pure hardcore panic.

Fighting for Survival: For what felt like eternity I fought the visuals. Discovered that staying perfectly still made them unbearable, but if I followed strange intuitive body movements (rolling, sitting up, face-down, feet planted on the bed) the mandalas morphed into chrome-neon metallic square hyperspace structures I had never seen before. Kept saying out loud “oh my god… wtf… omg…”.

Dying Like My Father: Terror peaked. Suddenly I felt I was dying the same horrible death as my dad eight years ago (alcohol addiction, agony). Deep existential grief and guilt crushed me. Cried inside “I didn’t sign up for this.”

The Click of Surrender: Something shifted. The more I let go, the faster the personal self dissolved. Panic melted. Pure consciousness began expanding, the human body was no longer the center of concern.

Rocket Launch: Blasted vertically out of my body and house through a tunnel of consciousness. Left Earth’s atmosphere. Brief glimpse of two colossal fractal guardians floating in hyperspace (only fragments of their mandalic structure remain in memory). Saw Earth shrink, then the Moon, then nothing.

The Image of the Universe Shrinks to Nothing: Faster than any thought, the entire cosmos I was watching collapsed into a tiny point and simply vanished. One split (human) second of pure, absolute nothingness. No galaxies, no light, no container, no reference.

The Absolute Last Void: That nothingness was it. No time. No space. No witness. Just the final, sourceless silence behind everything. The strongest, most undeniable sense of reality I have ever known. And there I was, conscious of it. Completely impossible.

Details: Total clock time from exhale to first coherent human thought: 5 minutes and 30 seconds. I used a propper scale to measure the amount of changa precisely.

This is absolutely nuts. I know I need to keep exploring this territory, I feel there's more to it, but first I have to fully integrate this hell of a trip. I never expercienced so much Awe, terror, panic, beauty, insanity, and this MASSIVE cosmic view. this experience showed me the power of the universe, how small earth is, the scope of what is possible, the infinite imagination required to give rise to all this, wtf, how is this even possible that I can even write about this !!!! 

I made a drawing of what I could do with the memories of the mandalas, as they got obliterated by the void, it's not so pro, but I'll share it.
 

Edited 12 hours ago by PolyPeter

[Leo Gura]

[Hojo]

[PolyPeter]

@Leo Gura I'm starting to understand what "Awakenings orders of magnitude bigger than the previous ones" actually mean

[PolyPeter]

@Hojo Wawww nice image, reminds me of an lsd trip

[Leo Gura]

8 minutes ago, PolyPeter said:

@Leo Gura I'm starting to understand what "Awakenings orders of magnitude bigger than the previous ones" actually mean

[Hojo]

@PolyPeterIts the man in the mirror. Your true self. You emptied the mirror and saw yourself in the reflection and you cant look away from it. That same void is behind everything you see right now.

Edited 12 hours ago by Hojo

[PolyPeter]

@Leo Gura

[PolyPeter]

@Hojo cannot be unseen

[Ramasta9]

And there I was  The drawing is good explanation  Integrate well, take time to yourself, rest and ground for the next few days or weeks.

 

[PolyPeter]

@Ramasta9  Thanks!! yes, good advice, will rest.

[Leo Gura]

[PolyPeter]

@Leo Gura

Exactly like that. Eyes wide open even.

I’m on day 2 post trip and the memory is still burning. Every detail is crystal clear.

The shift is permanent. I wake up and the first thing that hits me is the memory of getting closer and closer to The Void, and then being it, and coming back into my body. and during the day, multiple times, I have flashbacks of the entire event. Normal life feels like a lucid dream I’m choosing to keep dreaming. I feel I've entered "manual" mode.

I felt a literal cosmic responsibility: “I have to tell everyone.”

but then, another idea hit: no, this is not for everyone. Most people are not ready and many never will be. Some truths are too corrosive for ordinary mind. This is why I thought that sharing the story here would be cool.

Questions:

This weekend a close friend is going to smoke the exact same 100 mg single hit. I’ll be tripsitting. He says he “wants to go where I went” and intellectually accepts that consciousness is all there is… but I can already smell the ego armor from here. He has no idea how brutal the extraction is when you get dragged instead of walking gently.

Any tips for sitting someone who thinks he’s ready for the Last Void but probably isn’t? I’m planning zero talking, dark room, good playlist on low volume just in case, and a blanket ready for the fetal position phase.

Edited 5 hours ago by PolyPeter

[Leo Gura]

29 minutes ago, PolyPeter said:

Any tips for sitting someone who thinks he’s ready for the Last Void but probably isn’t?

Obviously the tip is to lower his dose. Don't try to do it all in one trip. He needs to work his way up there. Tell him to start with a half dose.

Tell him that he could seriously traumatize himself and this will slow this overall progress.

Less is more in this case. Trying to go faster ends up slowing you down due to the trauma.

Edited 5 hours ago by Leo Gura

[PolyPeter]

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Obviously the tip is to lower his dose. Don't try to do it all in one trip. He needs to work his way up there. Tell him to start with a half dose.

Tell him that he could seriously traumatize himself and this will slow this overall progress.

Less is more in this case.

Roger that! makes all sense actually.

Now, for a "low" dose, what would you reccomend? 

This changa batch is very strong. For reference, the same dose, with a different technique, produces entirely different results.

25mg, in one hit, would get me really stoned and "sober".

One single hit of the 100mg dose will obliterate anyone, but this same dose, in three smaller hits, takes you to DMT-Land, fractals and maybe entities, which is not The Void.

I'm thinking that a good choice would be 50mg, in two hits. Or even this might be too much?

Edited 5 hours ago by PolyPeter

[Leo Gura]

@PolyPeter Don't assume that your friend will react the same way to the same dose as you. It could hit him very differently.

Starting low is always the wise option. Especially since you can easily smoke more later.

I would go as low as his ego is willing to accept.

Edited 4 hours ago by Leo Gura

[PolyPeter]

@Leo Gura Hmm, thats true, I shouldn't take my experience as a measure device for someone else's trips. My friend told me that he wants to go where I went, in a way that led me to think that he thinks this is somehow exciting and fun. This is not for fun and I don't do it for fun. Later today I will try to explain this to him and talk about that the dose should be low first.
Thanks for the advice!

[Leo Gura]

Tell him that where you went would seriously traumatize most people and that this experience is no joke and not entertainment.

You don't send a newbie skiier down a double black diamond slope just because he thinks it sounds cool. If he wants to ski that slope, he should work his way up to it.

Edited 4 hours ago by Leo Gura

[PolyPeter]

@Leo Gura Got it! no massive dose for complete newbies. There is always more time to try later on (after integration).

hahaha, the skiing analogy cracked me up 

Edited 4 hours ago by PolyPeter

[Aaron p]

During peak experiences the chair becomes a throne, the blanket becomes a gown. It's like everything becomes ordered perfectly.