Changa sent me to the void

[PolyPeter]

Hi everyone, Yesterday I had the strongest trip of my life. I’m still stunned, processing, integrating.

Context: Three years ago I grew my own mushrooms and ate 4 dry grams alone. Six hours of brutal ego death fighting pointy “death mandalas” curled up on the floor under a blanket. I learned what real panic feels like. Forty minutes before the big one I took a 25 mg test hit of changa. Smooth, euphoric, felt like the best weed + clean MDMA ever. Got fully comfortable with the pipe and the feeling. Classic trap.

The Fatal Hit: 100 mg in one deep, clean toke. Held 15 seconds. Before I even exhaled I knew I was gone forever. Laid flat on my back.

Instant Blindness: Ten seconds after exhaling the same death mandalas from the mushroom trip detonated a thousand times stronger. Ceremonial, aggressive, blinding. No time to calm down. Pure hardcore panic.

Fighting for Survival: For what felt like eternity I fought the visuals. Discovered that staying perfectly still made them unbearable, but if I followed strange intuitive body movements (rolling, sitting up, face-down, feet planted on the bed) the mandalas morphed into chrome-neon metallic square hyperspace structures I had never seen before. Kept saying out loud “oh my god… wtf… omg…”.

Dying Like My Father: Terror peaked. Suddenly I felt I was dying the same horrible death as my dad eight years ago (alcohol addiction, agony). Deep existential grief and guilt crushed me. Cried inside “I didn’t sign up for this.”

The Click of Surrender: Something shifted. The more I let go, the faster the personal self dissolved. Panic melted. Pure consciousness began expanding, the human body was no longer the center of concern.

Rocket Launch: Blasted vertically out of my body and house through a tunnel of consciousness. Left Earth’s atmosphere. Brief glimpse of two colossal fractal guardians floating in hyperspace (only fragments of their mandalic structure remain in memory). Saw Earth shrink, then the Moon, then nothing.

The Image of the Universe Shrinks to Nothing: Faster than any thought, the entire cosmos I was watching collapsed into a tiny point and simply vanished. One split (human) second of pure, absolute nothingness. No galaxies, no light, no container, no reference.

The Absolute Last Void: That nothingness was it. No time. No space. No witness. Just the final, sourceless silence behind everything. The strongest, most undeniable sense of reality I have ever known. And there I was, conscious of it. Completely impossible.

Details: Total clock time from exhale to first coherent human thought: 5 minutes and 30 seconds. I used a propper scale to measure the amount of changa precisely.

This is absolutely nuts. I know I need to keep exploring this territory, I feel there's more to it, but first I have to fully integrate this hell of a trip. I never expercienced so much Awe, terror, panic, beauty, insanity, and this MASSIVE cosmic view. this experience showed me the power of the universe, how small earth is, the scope of what is possible, the infinite imagination required to give rise to all this, wtf, how is this even possible that I can even write about this !!!! 

I made a drawing of what I could do with the memories of the mandalas, as they got obliterated by the void, it's not so pro, but I'll share it.
 

Edited 4 hours ago by PolyPeter

[Leo Gura]

[Hojo]

[PolyPeter]

@Leo Gura I'm starting to understand what "Awakenings orders of magnitude bigger than the previous ones" actually mean

[PolyPeter]

@Hojo Wawww nice image, reminds me of an lsd trip

[Leo Gura]

8 minutes ago, PolyPeter said:

@Leo Gura I'm starting to understand what "Awakenings orders of magnitude bigger than the previous ones" actually mean

[Hojo]

@PolyPeterIts the man in the mirror. Your true self. You emptied the mirror and saw yourself in the reflection and you cant look away from it. That same void is behind everything you see right now.

Edited 3 hours ago by Hojo

[PolyPeter]

@Leo Gura

[PolyPeter]

@Hojo cannot be unseen

[Ramasta9]

And there I was  The drawing is good explanation  Integrate well, take time to yourself, rest and ground for the next few days or weeks.

 

[PolyPeter]

@Ramasta9  Thanks!! yes, good advice, will rest.