LPC: difficulty getting clear on my values

[Shakazulu]

@Judy2 haha even when you complete the value assessment, you’re gonna change your values again in 2 years, 4 years, 5 years. Don’t think too hard about it. Use ChatGPT if necessary 

[Judy2]

@Shakazuluok:) i'm starting to have fun looking at a thing i'm doing and thinking about how many boxes (values) it checks. maybe i should lean more into this attitude. 

writing the values down in the form of a list is confusing, though, because it artificially breaks down something abstract into sub-components. my brain works the other way around; if anything, i learn other people's models, but i don't typically create my own. 

[Joshe]

So the dominant signal here is you are strongly motivated to create and maintain inner and relational harmony.

Motivational profiles:

• Regulation – motivated to stabilize the self
• Connection / Care – motivated to stabilize others
• Understanding – epistemic motivation / making sense of things
• Building – instrumental motivation / making things work in reality
• Expression – symbolic or aesthetic motivation / giving form to experience

Every profile is willing to engage in friction, but each is willing to suffer different kinds of friction more than others:

• Regulation -> emotional instability, inner chaos
• Connection / Care -> relational strain, responsibility for others
• Understanding -> confusion, uncertainty, cognitive overload
• Building -> failure, iteration, constraint, inefficiency
• Expression -> vulnerability, exposure, ambiguity of reception

What matters enough to hurt for?

Which difficulties do you engage in that you don't regret?

Which of these frictions do you not resent over time?

What kinds of problems are you happy to keep showing up for?

Which difficulties don't feel like a waste of time?

These are powerful questions for understanding not only who you are, but what you truly value.

When you keep showing up for a certain class of problems, you are implicitly saying those problems are the most valuable ones, thus pointing to your actual values as opposed to the one's on paper.

Repeated behavior under friction tells all.

Edited Saturday at 12:28 AM by Joshe

[Judy2]

4 hours ago, Joshe said:

So the dominant signal here is you are strongly motivated to create and maintain inner and relational harmony.

Motivational profiles:

• Regulation – motivated to stabilize the self
• Connection / Care – motivated to stabilize others
• Understanding – epistemic motivation / making sense of things
• Building – instrumental motivation / making things work in reality
• Expression – symbolic or aesthetic motivation / giving form to experience

Every profile is willing to engage in friction, but each is willing to suffer different kinds of friction more than others:

• Regulation -> emotional instability, inner chaos
• Connection / Care -> relational strain, responsibility for others
• Understanding -> confusion, uncertainty, cognitive overload
• Building -> failure, iteration, constraint, inefficiency
• Expression -> vulnerability, exposure, ambiguity of reception

What matters enough to hurt for?

Which difficulties do you engage in that you don't regret?

Which of these frictions do you not resent over time?

What kinds of problems are you happy to keep showing up for?

Which difficulties don't feel like a waste of time?

These are powerful questions for understanding not only who you are, but what you truly value.

When you keep showing up for a certain class of problems, you are implicitly saying those problems are the most valuable ones, thus pointing to your actual values as opposed to the one's on paper.

Repeated behavior under friction tells all.

yes, that's an interesting way of looking at it. i think i sort of came up with some of the values this way.

especially trust, love, consciousness/awareness/presence, health and emotional regulation are values i chose because i've lived through their opposites. i don't value emotional regulation because i'm so good at it already, and i don't value trust because i'm already such a trusting person - but precisely because this is what i need more of, because i'm usually quite anxious, worried, and distrustful, and so i can see the tramsformative potential of becoming at least a tiny bit more leaned back (and emotionally regulated).

is this a legitimate motivation for choosing a value?

[Breathe]

27 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

is this a legitimate motivation for choosing a value?

I wouldn't frame it as something you choose. Values are revealed through life experience. They fit like a glove. Based on what you wrote, it's clear that yours were in fact revealed through experience so you are on target.

Also, values change and become more clear over time so don't fret over accuracy right away.

But, what is clear in your writing is that you value growth, health, integration.

Values simply dictate how you spend your time and make choices.

If it helps, I value kindness, truth, growth, creativity, wisdom, solitude, connection, and freedom. Something like that.

[Judy2]

14 minutes ago, Breathe said:

I wouldn't frame it as something you choose. Values are revealed through life experience. They fit like a glove. Based on what you wrote, it's clear that yours were in fact revealed through experience so you are on target.

Also, values change and become more clear over time so don't fret over accuracy right away.

But, what is clear in your writing is that you value growth, health, integration.

Values simply dictate how you spend your time and make choices.

If it helps, I value kindness, truth, growth, creativity, wisdom, solitude, connection, and freedom. Something like that.

okay, thank you:)

[Joshe]

19 hours ago, Judy2 said:

yes, that's an interesting way of looking at it. i think i sort of came up with some of the values this way.

especially trust, love, consciousness/awareness/presence, health and emotional regulation are values i chose because i've lived through their opposites. i don't value emotional regulation because i'm so good at it already, and i don't value trust because i'm already such a trusting person - but precisely because this is what i need more of, because i'm usually quite anxious, worried, and distrustful, and so i can see the tramsformative potential of becoming at least a tiny bit more leaned back (and emotionally regulated).

is this a legitimate motivation for choosing a value?

Right, you derived the values from deficit. Not that that's wrong or anything - it's only natural - but deficit-derived values are about fixing what hurts, not about what you're actually pulled to.

They describe what would reduce suffering or restore balance, not what actually pulls you forward when you're stable and regulated. If you use deficit-derived values as an identity or a compass, the direction they initially provide disappears as soon as the deficit is addressed. 

If suffering gives you purpose, then relief takes it away. I've lived through this. If your purpose is derived from suffering, your motivation will get wiped out when your suffering ceases and then you'll be back at zero asking "what do I really want to do?" But by that time, your identity is thoroughly woven into the purpose. Untangling that mess can take years.

This is why I think it's best to figure out what actually motivates you beyond survival and regulation - because it's too easy to value the opposite of what hurts us, and those values don't say much at all about who we truly are.

I'm no life coach or anything - just sharing a trap I see with "values as a compass". 

Edited Sunday at 12:44 AM by Joshe

[Judy2]

@Joshe  how else am i supposed to know then? it took me a really long time to start figuring this out and now it's all wrong...

Edited Sunday at 04:30 AM by Judy2

[DreamBound]

People are saying similar things but yeah don't overthink this. The main thing when doing this and the other exercises in the LPC is to have fun. You'll get to the practical, drudgerous parts of your LP later on as you put your dreams and aspirations to work. However, for right now, with exercises like the values assessment -- look to the questions Leo mentioned in this thread, as they are a means to point you to what excites you, what makes you deeply happy bringing to mind and heart, and ultimately what you love most in life.

It's like eating an ice cream. You don't have to overthink how or the best way to eat it. Let your imagination run wild and write about the most meaningful things in life to you and you alone!

Enjoy I love and appreciate the LPC so much.

[Joshe]

17 hours ago, Judy2 said:

@Joshe  how else am i supposed to know then? it took me a really long time to start figuring this out and now it's all wrong...

It's not wrong at all - it's a necessary step in knowing who you are and why you are that way. I'm sure you do actually value those things.

I guess all I'm trying to say is: Imposed meaning is only effective if it's compatible with your motivational structure. You can’t commit your life to something your nervous system won’t power. I mean, you can, but it will almost certainly fail. 

My outlook is a bit unorthodox and not entirely compatible with actualized.org, so sorry if this threw a wrench into your LPC work. 

Edited Sunday at 09:42 PM by Joshe

[Judy2]

@Joshe the course makes the distinction between positive vs negative motivation, too. 

[SimpleGuy]

@Judy2 When Leo will come here and see that your number 1 value is not truth and starts yelling at you and throwing grenades, don`t be too scared. This is fine if at this point of your development truth is not your number 1 value. Also I recommend to watch his episode why truth is the highest value. It could help you to be more clear on your values. I highly suggest this episode.

Edited 19 hours ago by SimpleGuy

[SimpleGuy]

Also go through MBTI test. This picture could help you figuring out yourself too

[Judy2]

@SimpleGuy infj.

[Judy2]

57 minutes ago, SimpleGuy said:

@Judy2 When Leo will come here and see that your number 1 value is not truth and starts yelling at you and throwing grenades, don`t be too scared. This is fine if at this point of your development truth is not your number 1 value. Also I recommend to watch his episode why truth is the highest value. It could help you to be more clear on your values. I highly suggest this episode.

thank you, @SimpleGuy

i've watched the episode, but i don't think Leo will be mad:) he'll probably think it's good that i came up with something on my own, rather than copying from his videos. 

the words chosen for the values list have to make sense to me personally, and i find truth almost too abstract, like i don't even know what's meant by that. besides, there's not much use in making it all look good on paper if it's not helping me navigate my lived experience, which is what ultimately matters. being a good person "on paper" and "in theory" doesn't really do much for anyone. 

 

Edited 18 hours ago by Judy2

[Joshe]

14 hours ago, Judy2 said:

@Joshe the course makes the distinction between positive vs negative motivation, too. 

Yeah, conversing with you here has prompted me to dive deep into motivation. I've learned a ton about motivation in the past few days. It's such an interesting and fruitful domain of inquiry. 

Some ideas:

Motivation: Energy released to restore or expand control at the currently engaged layer.

We unconsciously shift between the layers, thus making motivation inconsistent. 

Your nervous system is made of stacked control loops, running at different layers of reality.

A control loop is the opposite of being at the mercy of things.

Motivation is the fuel released when a control loop is active and solvable. 

We are not driven by one goal, one value set, or one motive.

We are driven by multiple feedback systems, layered on top of each other, each trying to regulate something different.

Motivation depends on which loop is active.

We don't "lose" motivation - we shift loops.

So much to explore here.

Edited 6 hours ago by Joshe