LPC: difficulty getting clear on my values

[Shakazulu]

@Judy2 haha even when you complete the value assessment, you’re gonna change your values again in 2 years, 4 years, 5 years. Don’t think too hard about it. Use ChatGPT if necessary 

[Judy2]

@Shakazuluok:) i'm starting to have fun looking at a thing i'm doing and thinking about how many boxes (values) it checks. maybe i should lean more into this attitude. 

writing the values down in the form of a list is confusing, though, because it artificially breaks down something abstract into sub-components. my brain works the other way around; if anything, i learn other people's models, but i don't typically create my own. 

[Joshe]

So the dominant signal here is you are strongly motivated to create and maintain inner and relational harmony.

Motivational profiles:

• Regulation – motivated to stabilize the self
• Connection / Care – motivated to stabilize others
• Understanding – epistemic motivation / making sense of things
• Building – instrumental motivation / making things work in reality
• Expression – symbolic or aesthetic motivation / giving form to experience

Every profile is willing to engage in friction, but each is willing to suffer different kinds of friction more than others:

• Regulation -> emotional instability, inner chaos
• Connection / Care -> relational strain, responsibility for others
• Understanding -> confusion, uncertainty, cognitive overload
• Building -> failure, iteration, constraint, inefficiency
• Expression -> vulnerability, exposure, ambiguity of reception

What matters enough to hurt for?

Which difficulties do you engage in that you don't regret?

Which of these frictions do you not resent over time?

What kinds of problems are you happy to keep showing up for?

Which difficulties don't feel like a waste of time?

These are powerful questions for understanding not only who you are, but what you truly value.

When you keep showing up for a certain class of problems, you are implicitly saying those problems are the most valuable ones, thus pointing to your actual values as opposed to the one's on paper.

Repeated behavior under friction tells all.

Edited 20 hours ago by Joshe

[Judy2]

4 hours ago, Joshe said:

So the dominant signal here is you are strongly motivated to create and maintain inner and relational harmony.

Motivational profiles:

• Regulation – motivated to stabilize the self
• Connection / Care – motivated to stabilize others
• Understanding – epistemic motivation / making sense of things
• Building – instrumental motivation / making things work in reality
• Expression – symbolic or aesthetic motivation / giving form to experience

Every profile is willing to engage in friction, but each is willing to suffer different kinds of friction more than others:

• Regulation -> emotional instability, inner chaos
• Connection / Care -> relational strain, responsibility for others
• Understanding -> confusion, uncertainty, cognitive overload
• Building -> failure, iteration, constraint, inefficiency
• Expression -> vulnerability, exposure, ambiguity of reception

What matters enough to hurt for?

Which difficulties do you engage in that you don't regret?

Which of these frictions do you not resent over time?

What kinds of problems are you happy to keep showing up for?

Which difficulties don't feel like a waste of time?

These are powerful questions for understanding not only who you are, but what you truly value.

When you keep showing up for a certain class of problems, you are implicitly saying those problems are the most valuable ones, thus pointing to your actual values as opposed to the one's on paper.

Repeated behavior under friction tells all.

yes, that's an interesting way of looking at it. i think i sort of came up with some of the values this way.

especially trust, love, consciousness/awareness/presence, health and emotional regulation are values i chose because i've lived through their opposites. i don't value emotional regulation because i'm so good at it already, and i don't value trust because i'm already such a trusting person - but precisely because this is what i need more of, because i'm usually quite anxious, worried, and distrustful, and so i can see the tramsformative potential of becoming at least a tiny bit more leaned back (and emotionally regulated).

is this a legitimate motivation for choosing a value?

[Breathe]

27 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

is this a legitimate motivation for choosing a value?

I wouldn't frame it as something you choose. Values are revealed through life experience. They fit like a glove. Based on what you wrote, it's clear that yours were in fact revealed through experience so you are on target.

Also, values change and become more clear over time so don't fret over accuracy right away.

But, what is clear in your writing is that you value growth, health, integration.

Values simply dictate how you spend your time and make choices.

If it helps, I value kindness, truth, growth, creativity, wisdom, solitude, connection, and freedom. Something like that.

[Judy2]

14 minutes ago, Breathe said:

I wouldn't frame it as something you choose. Values are revealed through life experience. They fit like a glove. Based on what you wrote, it's clear that yours were in fact revealed through experience so you are on target.

Also, values change and become more clear over time so don't fret over accuracy right away.

But, what is clear in your writing is that you value growth, health, integration.

Values simply dictate how you spend your time and make choices.

If it helps, I value kindness, truth, growth, creativity, wisdom, solitude, connection, and freedom. Something like that.

okay, thank you:)