How can a person become very independent?

[Never_give_up]

I am old but for various reasons I am dependent on other people. Some of this reasons are that I have asperger and that I had psychological problems that made me not able to become independent.

I want to change that.

I study japanese on the internet to go to Japan in some years and I also learn art with a teacher. 

But I am so scared of becoming independent, I don't think I can do it but I also I prefer to risk it all to do it than be dependent all my life and also what happens when the people I am dependent to, leave this world?

So... how do I become independent. How do I become social and not shy and outgoing (important skills), how do i know who to call and how to fix things in life in daily activities and in my house, how do I know how to navigate life ? I am so confused and scared.

I know it's shameful, humiliating and embarassing that I am dependent at old age but this is my situation and hiding it won't do me any good. Please don't shame me, I am already in deep shaming myself. 

The plan is 1)study japan 2)take Visa to japan for studying at university 3)getting Visa to work after finishing university.

I won't stay in my country forever, I don't change that desicion.

So...

How to make it? How a person with difficulties becomes independent? How to be able to be an adult if you find it difficult cause of personal issues? Thanks in advance. I really want to do this, I am so scared but also will try very very hard to make it, cause I want it really badly.

[Someone here]

@Never_give_up do you have a father(I mean is he around ofc) or older brother or any older male relatives? 

[Never_give_up]

@Someone hereI have and he helps me become independent but my whole life he was an abusive person. Beatings, punishments, emotional abuse and other horrible stuff. Add to that my autism and other mental problems no wonder I am on welfare, but I need to change. But he is more relaxed now, he is not abusive, at least not to that horrible level. So whenever I tell him to show me something he shows me. It's mostly my mother that helps me and give responsibilities.

I never had a good father model, never will, but that's life, I was unlucky to have these people as parents. I love them but after all that abuse I also hate them.

Anyway, this is about responsibilities and independence not about my abuse and parents. Thank you so much for the reply.

[Someone here]

@Never_give_up no problem brother ♡. 

I would suggest two things :

1-hire a life coach. Or talk to a counsel or psychologist. You can work with them and express all your dreams..goals ..insecurities..and they can give you proper life advice and help you to improve your life step by step .

2-just DO IT . Don't overthink .stop thinking and start doing . 10% planning and theorising and 90% taking massive action in whatever areas you want to improve in your life .if you keep overthinking without taking action you will not arrive anywhere . Just throw yourself in the middle of something:  Work ..studying..exercise..meditation ..journaling etc.

Good luck 🤞. 

[Never_give_up]

@Someone hereso I should just take action. True , but I am so scared and shy to do it, but I have to.

So I have a problem, I ask people, I search on internet, I take precautions, I try things. In the end I just do it. 

 

So hard cause I am scared and embarassed , but it seems that's the solution. Thank you, I will do it! 

[Someone here]

11 minutes ago, Never_give_up said:

@Someone hereso I should just take action. True , but I am so scared and shy to do it, but I have to.

So I have a problem, I ask people, I search on internet, I take precautions, I try things. In the end I just do it. 

 

So hard cause I am scared and embarassed , but it seems that's the solution. Thank you, I will do it! 

You seem disappointed by my advice . Let's think together: if you have a math exam ..you can't just listen to the tutor and watch equations being solved ..you have to solve equations yourself ..Hands on .how are you going to solve the equations in the exam If you didn't train on solving them beforehand? 

Another example..a surgeon must actually DO an open heart surgery in real time to be called a surgeon .all the studying in university and reading and researching amounts to nothing if you don't do the thing itself .

So what I'm saying "just do it " is shut off your mind and do things even if you fail once or twice or 100 times . There is no short-cut to gaining experience in life . You just go out there and experience life and do things .

I hope this makes sense . 

Edited 1 hour ago by Someone here

[Schizophonia]

Maintain good mental hygiene; otherwise, you'll become/remain cynical, dysthymic, and unwilling to work.
Joe Dispenza recommends meditating every morning.

Edited 1 hour ago by Schizophonia