I (probably) have 2e (twice exceptional),how on earth do i find a girlfriend?

[Never_give_up]

I just learned I have 2e from some conversations I have with AI. I want to get a real diagnosis but everything seems to fit perfectly on what was and is happening in my life. It was like I was being discribed.

2e is something like you are extremely high intelligence in some areas and extremely low intelligence in other areas , probably cause of neurodivergence. (It's not exactly that, but I gave a quick summary.)

Now I know why out of let's say 200 people I was always the slowest one to understand things and function, still happening today. Why I struggle with memory, creativity, slow thinking. Also out of 200 people in informatics I was the best. Now I know why I was bullied, was called lazy by teachers, felt an outcast, why I like actualized cause I am rare in philosophy, why I had huge empathy crying as a kid when someone crashed ants (many times 2e individuals have huge sensitivity and empathy).

I go to traditional dancing and I am almost the slowest to understand the dance out of hundrends of people and I feel humiliated, especially knowing that some women I like can see my deficiency.

I struggle so much to daily life. I can see my giftness and my extreme deficiencies. I don't even know if in my country I can evaluate if I have 2e (even though i am sure i have it).

How on earth can I find a girlfriend being socially dumb, slow, struggling in life. They can't see my unique intelligence and probably my depth doesn't matter to them. :'( . I am almost 31 and I feel like I am in the ''Fight Club'' movie and I just saw a big revelation that's shocking about my life like in the movie.

 

I am feeling so low I want to cry. I feel humiliation with being so slow. I feel I won't ever find a girlfriend :'(.

 

[Lucasxp64]

Depth does matter, but you gotta know how to sell it, it becomes a niche that can separate you from boring dudes, but you have to develop a resistance towards rejection to find the kind of girl that you will resonate/vibe with. Be a 10 in your own game, not a 5/10 in someone else's game.

Secondly, this 2e is a good "umbrella term" which was able to communicate to me what you're probably like, but it's very low resolution, and the solution to your inner mental/emotional calibration problems is much more specific than this.

Here's how I see a 2e: You probably got good at some things because of hyper-fixation which happens through any condition that lowers your self-control, which is connected to high neuroticism/anxiety, which is connected to low acceptance of uncertainty as well.

You need to see yourself in higher resolution. Surely you are "socially dumb" right now. But, you can work at those things. Literally just check mentally how many hours total in your life you spent tried to develop the mental qualities that would improve your social game, and you will see you're spending a lot of time on hyper-fixating on things that don't overlap much with being hyper-social.

You must gradually shift that, use your powers of self-reflection for good, tap into that energy that you felt or you think you must feel when socializing, when talking to a woman for the sake of dating. Like remember every single good interaction you had with women and what you felt like and the energy you gave.

You should get off from your logical mind and embody more your emotions and intuition, this is why your mind is so tilted towards some directions and you're not well-rounded in others.

Try to trace the actual emotional/mental state causation that leads you to be "bad" at all of that stuff you wanna improve, and you will see that you are actually able to fabricate at will those things, or at least practice even if takes months or years to get those states more reliably, it starts inside that change.

You can progressively increase your challenges.

For example I used to be very shy and awkward when I was younger, but in those last years I've been more in touch with my emotions and when I'm vibing to some great music I started trying to do some dancing to it by just letting go, and I get impressed how natural it feels to me to be doing such movements, all alone, and I never watched a single video talking about "how to dance".

Leo Gura wrote in his blog about this, and I was intuitively doing that unprompted.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/teach-yourself-how-to-dance

Quote

... The most important thing is to shut off your mind, don’t think about how you look, don’t try to look cool, don’t try to copy others’ moves, but just FEEL and move to your feelings. Pure Dance is about surrender to your feelings, to your body.

YOUR MAJOR PROBLEM IS NOT EVEN GETTING A GIRLFRIEND.

IT'S THAT YOU HAVE POOR INNER EMOTIONAL UNDERSTANDING = POOR ABILITY TO FABRICATE THE PROPER EMOTIONAL STATES, and the RIGHT EXPECTATIONS of what it takes and how to feel good about it.

You're already even coming up with the fallacies of "I'm 31. I have been bullied. I've been called this or that by people. I'm so this or that", which is good in the context of this forum so we know more about you, but don't let that become a ghost that hunts you down inside of you, that's the first step. I'm not saying just the labels, I'm saying even the hard cold factual truths that you're badly developed in many ways. But this, again, don't let that past karma decide your future, and fall for the fallacy that you haven no agency, and that cause and effect doesn't exist. You're the by-product of how you lived your life, what your mind clings to, what your mind is driven towards, and you're inside of it, awareness itself is curative. IMPROVE YOUR INNER VOCABULARY, drop the social bullshit labels you give yourself, it will drag you down. You have VERY VERY SPECIFIC ISSUES, nothing you said here clones close to the level of awareness you will need, it ain't the social labels, it ain't "she will think I'm a loser" level that will grow you, that is the social conditioning interpersonal communication, inside of you it's 1000x more nuanced, connect with that depth. If you don't think you have it, develop it then.

Are you even journaling, bro?

This is the stuff you will learn through meditation, what you should aim from mediation/journaling/visualisation sessions.

Also a technical tip on getting a girlfriend... Just lower your standards so you can at least feel what is the dynamic of a woman liking you back, I did that, and I'm glad, even though on the long-run I'd move on to someone better.

---

I recommend the classic leo gura episodes, you gotta start from the start.

 

Edited Saturday at 09:05 PM by Lucasxp64

[Never_give_up]

@Lucasxp64thanks a lot for the answer. You took time to write this, I am thankful for you. It's good that someone cares even if they don't know me personally. 

[Lucasxp64]

1 hour ago, Never_give_up said:

@Lucasxp64thanks a lot for the answer. You took time to write this, I am thankful for you. It's good that someone cares even if they don't know me personally. 

You're welcomed! 

I kinda wrote it because I feel like I'm in a similar situation and I've fallen for the same mental traps. I think that our minds are very predictable, time and time again I see in me the same mental mechanisms playing out in others.

Here is a system prompt I like using with ChatGPT/Gemini 2.5 PRO inside of Google AI Studio:

It helps me deconstruct everything and it questions even what I say to find flaws in my thinking.

 

Edited Saturday at 11:13 PM by Lucasxp64

[Vercingetorix]

@Never_give_up Maybe it's not so bad. Remember that you only need to be good at one thing to be successful. So one way to go about things is to focus on your strengths. Instead of trying to improve your deficiency, focus on what you're good at and max it out - that's how you can create massive value, and that will ultimately bring you a girlfriend.

[Lucasxp64]

16 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

@Never_give_up focus on what you're good at and max it out - that's how you can create massive value

What I also see is that... When I focus on the core most important things such as my emotional regulation, self-control and clarity of strategic decision-making and I'm able to act on it. It improves my self-esteem even if the results didn't come yet, it makes my mind shaper and more well-rounded because it's not so much of the specific skills, but how it puts me on a better mental state as well, and that transfers.

I definitely right now should focus more on getting stuff done than grinding out trying to find a girlfriend considering I don't have yet that fulfilment from the financial freedom I need.

That will allow me to free my mind up from all the stupid petty survival concerns

(i.e. that makes us feel like a loser, because we are actually handicapped financially to have high quality free time and money for logistics, for going out, for free up our mind to think of high quality strategies to find the women we want, etc)

That "loser" mental state that we are in is very real, and it improves with first "believe it until you make it" kind of attitude, we got have high conviction that focusing on our most important things and work, etc, will get us in a better situation and trusting that we will figure it out over time.

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The source, an excerpt from a YouTube video transcript by HealthyGamerGG, examines the psychological barriers people face when considering a "restart" or major life change. The speaker suggests that the word "restart" often implies starting over from zero, which can be highly demotivating because the brain perceives it as an enormous, multi-year effort with no guarantee of happiness. The discussion highlights that a reluctance to change is often rooted in neurological differences, such as a hyperactive amygdala perceiving greater threat and an altered reward prediction system minimizing perceived benefits. Ultimately, the speaker argues that the core issue is intolerance to uncertainty, a transdiagnostic factor that leads people to avoid taking risks and exploring the unknown, which is ironically where true fulfillment and better life outcomes are found.

 

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The provided text, an excerpt from an Alex Hormozi video, offers counter-intuitive advice on achieving elite focus and productivity. Hormozi stresses that success is often attained by simplifying life and concentrating energy, arguing that focusing on one key task drastically outweighs spreading effort across multiple initiatives. He advises listeners to ruthlessly eliminate people and habits that do not directly increase the likelihood of achieving their goals, maintaining that a better future version of oneself will have more, not fewer, opportunities. Ultimately, the speaker emphasizes that internal accountability is essential, suggesting that needing outside validation or oversight is a failure of personal integrity.

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The provided text is a transcript from a YouTube video featuring entrepreneur Alex Hormozi, where he discusses a pivotal, chaotic period in his life that forced him to aggressively consolidate his focus. Hormozi recounts how, while managing multiple gym partnerships and agency work, he was stressed and unfocused, culminating in a serious DUI-related car accident that served as a profound catalyst for change. Following this near-fatal event, he made a rapid series of difficult decisions to exit nine businesses and three partnerships, which he credits with freeing up his mental bandwidth and allowing him to concentrate fully on his successful venture, Gym Launch. He concludes by emphasizing that attention, not time, is the most valuable asset for entrepreneurs, and that accumulating "unmade decisions" dramatically drains one's cognitive power.

 

[Basman]

On 11/1/2025 at 1:48 AM, Never_give_up said:

I go to traditional dancing and I am almost the slowest to understand the dance out of hundrends of people and I feel humiliated, especially knowing that some women I like can see my deficiency.

I didn't know how to swim till I was a teenager in high-school in a country where it is common to swim from a young age. One semester my class had swim lessons and I was literally the only one who couldn't swim. I was splashing in the kiddie pool while the rest of the class where doing exercises in the deep pool. However, I could remember one lesson from when I was very little that swimming is just doing the same motion as a frog. So I started practicing trying to float and swimming like a frog and I eventually figured out how to swim. At the end of the class I told the teacher that I can swim now so he told me to swim to the other end of the deep pool. So I dove down and swam towards the other end. The girls who sat and watched along the edge audibly "wowed", including the girl I had a crush on at the time. The teacher later that day complimented me for pushing through despite it being embarrassing to be the only one splashing in the kiddie pool for a high-schooler. He noted I could've just skipped class if I wanted to. 

It's actually a proven fact, no cap, that people will like you more for overcoming a deficiency than if you are perfect from the get go. They will at least respect you for it. What will make people, women especially, dislike you is cowardice, not trying, etc.