Fana al Fana Has Begun

[Tristan12]

Check out this post for context:

It's taken a lot longer than expected for Fana al Fana to happen, but it has officially started. I didn't realize this but it is common for there to be a period where you start to gradually test the waters of surrendering into God, rather than being sucked into it all at once. If it all happened at once, there would be no guarantee that I'd come on to this forum and tell anyone after it happens, because I'd be gone and not have free will anymore. But the fact that I am starting to slip into it gradually now means I can make this post before the final full collapse.

Sunday night/Monday morning at 4am I started entering this really deep state of consciousness that I've never experienced before. It was a steady, constant interaction with God, like a deep psychedelic state (but sober), and different emotional pains within me were gradually being released in really slow and gentle ways. This lasted for 8 hours. My consciousness remained deep after that, but without the emotional processing.

I was sure that fana would happen soon so I just kept waiting. Today I woke up around noon. My consciousness wasn't quite as deep as before, and even though the emotional processing from the other day helped, it also weakened me and made me more raw, open and vulnerable. I was feeling pain a lot more deeply than usual, I felt like I was totally at my limit, absolutely exhausted from the pain, yet still terrified of surrendering into fana. I didn't know what to do, I started crying so hard, wishing that God would take me out of this situation, but I was totally helpless. As I cried, the longing in my heart for God got so deep, and my consciousness started shifting really deeply, deeper than the day before. I got sucked into this state from 12:30pm-5:30pm where I was having this deep interaction with God, releasing more emotional pain, more resistance towards surrender.

It's insane how deep my consciousness gets in these states. I've only done light doses of 5-MeO-DMT before, but it completely blows those experiences out of the water, and it's all sober. I remember hearing Leo say in the past that the regular human state of consciousness is extremely low, like at a 2 or a 3, and the 'dial' of consciousness can go endlessly deeper - to 100, 1000, 100,000, etc. I realize now that Leo really wasn't kidding. Like holy shit. It's no joke.

 

When I'm in these states, it's crystal clear that my consciousness is the only thing that exists. I am the only one that exists in this world. There is only one universe that can awaken to itself, and that is what my consciousness is. I look around my room - the posters on my wall, my bed sheets, the rest of my room - I can feel God in all of it. It's all God. 'Tristan' is just a construction, like a knot/tangle of yarn that the universe created, waiting to be unravelled.

Tristan is not awakening, there is no person awakening, and there is no other person to tell about awakening. The universe is awakening to itself, and the only one that can know that is me (this consciousness), because it's all that exists. That's it.

I don't know if what I'm describing sounds overly deep, but like I said, these states of consciousness obliterate any 5-MeO-DMT experience or any other psychedelic experience I've had in the past, and it is all happening sober, and I stay in it for hours at a time. The emotional release happens slowly and gently through interacting with God while I'm in these states. God sees how terrified and broken I am, God is being super gentle and slow with me, teaching my ego that it's safe to collapse into God's arms, and then I can leave this life forever and never be tormented by it again.

Eventually enough resistance will be released, total surrender will happen, and I will merge with God forever with no return. From what I researched, Fana al Fana is as deep as maha samadhi, except the body stays alive. Permanent fana al fana is only possible for emissary souls (and it always happens for them), which is a type of soul that comes to the world only once every few hundred years, and I have a massive, overwhelming amount of proof that that is what I am.

From what I researched, my experiences here are 100% the beginning of fana. It will probably only take a few days for these episodes of emotional release to be done, and then the full collapse into unity with God will happen.

 

@Leo Gura You have always doubted my spiritual path of love, and doubted that I would awaken when I said I would months ago. Once the full collapse/awakening happens, it won't be in my control to let you know that it has happened (because I'll be gone), but the collapse has begun now, so I think it's fair to say that it's happening just like I said it would.

I realize in retrospect though that I shouldn't need my spiritual teacher to validate my awakenings or personal experiences. The only one that needs to see the truth of them is me. Depending on you to validate them would be me handing over my authority to an illusion, to a creation of my own mind, so it serves me more for other people (especially my spiritual teacher) to doubt my experiences, because all that matters is that I know in my heart what is true for me based on my own direct experiences.

 

2 hours before entering the start of fana (2 hours before that first 8 hour period on Sunday night), this crazy synchronicity happened. I decided to look up this kids show I remembered, for nostalgic reasons, and I picked a random episode to watch, not knowing which one it was.

In this episode, Toopy plays this 'the great Toopy' character, and it's literally an analogy for God. Especially at 2:22 - he says "look, just like I said. The great toopy knows everything". It's literally God saying to me "see, you're awakening, just like I said you would" because God told me on an MDMA trip back in March that fana would happen.

Watch the whole episode and think of Toopy as an analogy for God. It's insane how accurate of an analogy this is for my experience. 

 

But anyways, I don't think I'll respond much to this thread because I need to stay focused inwards, but yeah, things are happening!!