Terell Kirby

How many of us are ACTUALLY interested in Awakening?

26 posts in this topic

1 hour ago, LoneWonderer said:

Fear, and absolute unwillingness to face that fear. It may be the case that I'll only do the work when the pain becomes too great but I thought I'd crossed that threshold many times yet here I am. Even 5 meo Malt and Mushrooms haven't helped. 

*Note fear in the domains of relationships. Spending all the money I make is an emotional crutch and response to a lack of self love or self respect something like that I'm not sure. I am also probably addicted to the high I get from buying something. I will be dealing with my bad money habits in the coming months/year, can't say I'll do the same about the relationships.

I think meditation it's just I haven't made it a priority and awakening via psychedelics I still hope to achieve in the near future.

What kinds of fears come up around relationships and why are you unwilling to face them?

Doing meditation doesn't help with relationships by the way. In 2021 I quit meditation before having relationships, because I realized it was my own form of escapism.

Books are escapism from working through inner issues around relationships. But meditation would be the same thing; only a different form of distraction.

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7 minutes ago, WonderSeeker said:

What kinds of fears come up around relationships and why are you unwilling to face them?

Rejection, bad experiences, the commitment I'd have to make to another human being also feels daunting. My lack of experience and the fear of rejection. I know the solution is to just go out and face it, realize that much of it is self imposed narratives and frankly lies I tell myself but the fear stops me completly from taking action.

11 minutes ago, WonderSeeker said:

Books are escapism from working through inner issues around relationships. But meditation would be the same thing; only a different form of distraction.

Yes, true

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For myself, I speak only from experiences - allowing whatever feeling I was trying to avoid and investigating it fully was the only way out. Most of my own pathology was rooted in either avoiding a feeling, or unclear value systems.

To address my issues I first back engineered: what am I feeling? Follow that on to 'what am I thinking?' As an origin to where that feeling arose from. This mostly tethered back to some belief I have (that may or may not be true). And when investigating that belief (which for me, was always a meaning taken from past experience) checking it over for truth. Usually I would realise something untrue or an assumption that was false. A wrong meaning derived.

Then I went out and engaged in relationships / social domains to test if my old meaning was indeed correct. Every time I was able to prove to myself I had made the wrong meaning of a past situation when younger - in my formative years. Overcoming the fear and having courage to confront and test this is another aspect entirely - but I did find that the FEAR never left me, only my own tolerance to it rose enough to sit with it.

Part of the issue with rejection fears are that they really harken back to basic survival: being 'rejected' or thrown out of a tribe or clan of people meant death during evolution. Humans looked after each other in groups. We have always had power and success via numbers in tribes. So rejection is rooted deep inside us, indeed making it feel like you will literally die. Because back then - you would.

The brain has survival mechanisms that really backfire AND run counter to spiritual work.

Anyway I digress - apologies!


Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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10 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

For myself, I speak only from experiences - allowing whatever feeling I was trying to avoid and investigating it fully was the only way out. Most of my own pathology was rooted in either avoiding a feeling, or unclear value systems.

To address my issues I first back engineered: what am I feeling? Follow that on to 'what am I thinking?' As an origin to where that feeling arose from. This mostly tethered back to some belief I have (that may or may not be true). And when investigating that belief (which for me, was always a meaning taken from past experience) checking it over for truth. Usually I would realise something untrue or an assumption that was false. A wrong meaning derived.

Then I went out and engaged in relationships / social domains to test if my old meaning was indeed correct. Every time I was able to prove to myself I had made the wrong meaning of a past situation when younger - in my formative years. Overcoming the fear and having courage to confront and test this is another aspect entirely - but I did find that the FEAR never left me, only my own tolerance to it rose enough to sit with it.

Part of the issue with rejection fears are that they really harken back to basic survival: being 'rejected' or thrown out of a tribe or clan of people meant death during evolution. Humans looked after each other in groups. We have always had power and success via numbers in tribes. So rejection is rooted deep inside us, indeed making it feel like you will literally die. Because back then - you would.

The brain has survival mechanisms that really backfire AND run counter to spiritual work.

Anyway I digress - apologies!

Thanks Natasha. Like you have in your blurb I'll have to deal with it on my own terms sooner or later or it will ruin my life. I probably weaponise truth and saying I'm afraid,  to not take action. I guess it's a whole mix of different things. I'll end this discussion here now 🙈

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@LoneWonderer None of us are gonna make it out of this alive! :P

Lets get back to UFO theories as a way to avoid troubles - we all got troubles to avoid hehe

But back on topic - I think it takes a particular intuitive type of person (those who look into the meaning behind things) that will gravitate to awakening/spirituality.

I have noticed also (in my experience) as we gain material wealth in life - the meaning behind this type of seeking falls away to reveal an emptiness.

Many older people I know begin to look to meaning as they age up.

But some flip the other way - and find that feeling of emptiness anathema to them - so fall to addiction & cope.

I think that fear of emptiness is partially fear of the unknown. There is no path to walk inside, like the path out of our houses, or down the street. No map.

Spiritual seekers are more willing to face that and dive in.


Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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On 10/6/2025 at 5:42 PM, Terell Kirby said:

It's abnormal for a human mind to want to 1.deconstruct their sense of self/identity 2. surrender it completely

I'm at a point in Consciousness work where i'm really asking why I wanted this to begin with.

The deeper I go, the more it feels beyond me. I don't know what's driving me here-i can't imagine self being driven to deconstruct its very existence.

This is complicated stuff

Awakening is more like a recognition than a deconstruction. It's not a denial.

Look closely at this "sense of self". 

What is it made of?

Write down all its characteristics.

Stay neutral and just examine it closely 👀 

❤️


“Everything is honoured, but nothing matters.” — Eckhart Tolle.

"I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside." -- Rumi

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