I haven't used the forum in over a year and am looking for advice

[toasty7718]

Hey,

 

This is gonna be some ranting, so here goes. Basically, I'm just asking for some practical life advice that would bring me closer to self-actualization for where I'm at right now. 

 

This is basically what my journal entries would look life if they're made public. 

 

Where I'm at:

I am no stranger to Leo's content. Having been exposed to his ideas from an early age and having delved (only briefly) into the work of Ken Wilber and Daniel Schmachtenberger has made me think that I am an intellectual beyond my years---where in actuality, I think on some level that I am a pseudo-intellectual. 

 

As such, I'm looking for some practical life advice. I have acquired so much theory over the years that applying it often falls short. I have a commonplace book with thousands of entries and I barely go back and read them. I have Daniel Schmachtenberger's entire book list downloaded on my kindle yet I'm only halfway through A Brief History of Everything. I am still aggorant about religion and have a bit of an athiestic-superioirity complex while also realizing that I am god (from psychedelics). 

 

Where I was:

All in all, my life hasn't really been as full of life as I would want it to be. Throughout highschool I struggled to make friends because everybody just seemed so distant from me on some level. Sometimes it was intellectual, other times emotional, a lot of it was cultural (growing up in the bible belt), but nearing the end of highschool I completely stopped giving a shit. I internalized my Uncle's advice of "Who gives a shit?" and stopped caring what any of these clowns thought of me. Graduating was an incredibly freeing experience because I was never going to see any of these people ever again. Afterall, isn't INFJ the rarest personality type?

 

I recently started at a college that's two hours away from home & it's great, but not all that prestigious (it's R2 university in the state of NC). I'm planning on transferring to an engineering college in my state (R1 university) next year because this school does not offer any engineering programs whatsoever. My plan is to become a civil engineer and work on sustainable, walkable infrastructure and study Synergetics by Buckminster Fuller (a 2,000 page systems-thinking geometrical book that Daniel Schmachtenberger read when he was 5) and eventually reach a stage-yellow understanding of life, universe, and humanity by the time I'm 30. The salary for licensed PEs here in the states can oftentimes exceed $150,000 if you count bonuses & stay in the same company. 

 

Romantically:

Also, romantically, things have been interesting. Having never had a girlfriend up until this point in my life, having a girl reach out to me on a college social-media app was surprising. She asked me "wait, you're also an INFJ?" because it said so in my profile and we just kicked off. This girl was absolutely beautiful too, and I was questioning why she was talking to someone like me in the first place.  

 

I ask for her actual number after a while and we start talking on telegram, and this is where we start to get really close. She confides her past & emotions & experiences to me and I hold presence like I have never before. I start to become her emotionally-supportive boy friend and she starts to get attached to me emotionally. 

 

Eventually, when we both go to college like 1 month later, we meet up and of course it's a little awkward at first. She's socially anxious & shy and doesn't really open up to people. But for some reason, because I listen to her unlike anyone else ever has for her, and understand her emotions (or at least try to), and see her as this beautiful, amazing human being--a verb instead of a noun, a process of becoming--I start to fall in love with her, and she does the same for me. 

 

I hold her for hours on some days and tell her 

how beautiful she is
how amazing of a human being she is
how i’ve never met someone like her
how she’s irreplacable
how i’ve never met someone with her heart
how I love her
how I love her so much
how I care about her
how I never want to violate her boundaries or make her uncomfortable
how I want to be here for her on this journey she’s on
how I only want for her what’s beautiful & enriching
how I care so deeply about her
how I’m so lucky to have her as my friend
how I couldn’t have asked for a better friend than her
how she makes me a better person
how I love every part of her, including her emotions, her wounded heart, her hair, her eyes, her artistic taste, her love of pink—but most importantly, just her being herself, and her being open and vulnerable with me.
etc.

 

and right now we're in a good place, but the "falling in love" has worn off and we're just best friends, who are still exploring being romantically involved with each other. 

 

My biggest struggle is balancing her along with my studies. I'm talking Calc 3, Analytical Physics 1 (calc-based physics), Environmental Ethics (philosophy class), and Introduction to Research (honors college seminar, because I was invited to join the honors college), and the courseload is no joke. It's doable, it's just time consuming. 

 

I don't really have a social life at this college because I know I'm never going to see these people ever again after next year because I'm transferring. Also, it's in the middle of Appalachia, and Christianity is ubiquitous wherever you look. It's my least favorite part about this university by far. Organized religion just viscerally disgusts me. 

 

My diet has still been plant based, but it's processed dining hall food that's of questionable health benefit. I go to the gym two or three times a week and do a brief 30-40 minute exercise, along with walking to all my classes. Health wise I can definitely see some improvements.

 

But with this girl...I think I have grown distant from the initial love, and now I tease her jokingly as my best friend but still show intimacy...but should I show more true intimacy like we had before?

 

Now with understanding where I'm at, what would you say I should do in my life?

[Spiritual Warrior]

What do you enjoy most about life right now? 

[WonderSeeker]

On 10/4/2025 at 0:39 AM, toasty7718 said:

Now with understanding where I'm at, what would you say I should do in my life?

Seems like the relationship dimension is most important to you since you spent 50% of your post talking about it.

Do you think intimacy with this woman is recoverable? If not, just move on but keep her as a friend/wing-girl if you want.

Also for Godsakes, get the hell outta Appalachia! Travel and take on new challenges. You need to get your feet wet and your hands dirty more (maybe literally). All that integral theory will make so much more sense the more diverse your experience is. 

I was theory-heavy like you after 6 years of uni and 3 years of reading books nonstop. So I moved far away from family, across America to Phoenix. Every opportunity that came up I jumped on. (Cuz that's what you do when you swing the pendulum from theory to practice.)

Tried sales jobs, corporate jobs, and online business. I dated sour and sweet people. Had a health crash. Traveled all over the U.S., to Alaska, and Asia.

You're talking about managing college classes and I'm like 7 years removed from that, sitting here laughing.

You haven't begun yet. Real life starts after college.

Go on some wild adventures and all that theory will light up! You got this

Edited October 6 by WonderSeeker

[toasty7718]

23 hours ago, WonderSeeker said:

I was theory-heavy like you after 6 years of uni and 3 years of reading books nonstop. So I moved far away from family, across America to Phoenix. Every opportunity that came up I jumped on. (Cuz that's what you do when you swing the pendulum from theory to practice.)

I remember one of Leo's videos talked about balancing theory vs. practice. How do you personally balance the two?

[WonderSeeker]

1 hour ago, toasty7718 said:

I remember one of Leo's videos talked about balancing theory vs. practice. How do you personally balance the two?

It happens naturally. Sometimes painfully. No need to worry about doing the balancing using willpower. 

For example, I studied all the dating theory in the world for years. Then I realized I hadn't gotten the results I wanted. So, I went out and actually started approaching and dating girls. Met hundreds of girls and learned about how relationships actually work by... cultivating various unique relationships organically.

What also helps is understanding the value is deriving theory from scratch. The value of throwing yourself into intense practice and discovering what's true for yourself. Or by fucking up at something to the point of saying "Okay maybe I don't know this area as well as I thought." Then reading new books on the matter.

Over time you'll know the right balance. If you actually watched that Theory v. Practice video, just put it to practice for a few years  Leo's insights take time to grock and put into action. 

Edited October 7 by WonderSeeker

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@WonderSeeker Great advice!

Testing out and looking from direct feedback from action in reality is always the key for integration for me. When the insight really 'clicks' into place and becomes a knowing & true understanding, not just information. You can understand all the theory - but deriving from scratch, as you coin - is where the gold to be mined from experience lies

 

[AION]

If you are overly intellectual, it means you have lost touch with your emotions and body. You need to do more sports. Find a sport you like and as an addition do yoga. Also stop listening to people who glorify the intellect and teach by giving a lot of theory but no practice. The intellect has its time and place but you need to learn to use the other modes of your being. 

[toasty7718]

Update: I decided to end my relationship with her.

 

She wants marriage. I don't.

She wants kids. I don't.

She wants marriage before sex. I don't.

 

Now I can really go out into the world & focus on practice instead of theory. 

[enchanted]

Nothing needs to change, realize free will is an illusion and by literally doing nothing different you will have achieved more than billions of poor people around the world. 

Realizing this takes the pressure off and allows you to unlock your full potential. 

Everyone dies, not everyone lives. Try to live a full life whatever that means to you. 

[WonderSeeker]

8 hours ago, toasty7718 said:

Update: I decided to end my relationship with her.

 

She wants marriage. I don't.

She wants kids. I don't.

She wants marriage before sex. I don't.

 

Now I can really go out into the world & focus on practice instead of theory. 

Niiiiiice!

[toasty7718]

What are some ways to "live life" while in college?