Is “Women only want the top 10 - 20%” actually true offline?

[BlessedLion]

16 hours ago, Consept said:

I was thinking about this the other day, I think a big problem in the western world is we dont have that many environments where we're just around people regularly and have to get to know them. Traditionally a people would mostly meet romantic partners at school/college, work or friend of a friend. Once out of education that option dissappears and is even hindered more because young people spend more time online and less socialising irl. Remote work or work from home is more prominent and if your friend network isn't great then you wont meet friends of friends. 

As youve said attraction (esp for women) grows the more they get to know someone but its really difficult if theres no where to do that. Personally as im single I had to make a real effort to increase my community and network and even now I dont think its that good but has improved. Before it was almost automatic in society because there wasn't that much of an alternative, but I think now with porn, OF, basically everything online, there are easy ways to avoid the hard work (maybe not as satisfying) 

100%

I've noticed when i don't actively make the effort, there is no chance i am going to meet women. One thing that helped me a lot was finding a yoga community school but that was a rare and lucky find. 

It's getting harder and harder to just meet people in general, everyone is burried in their phones, ordering food online, etc. I think like the mass majority of people do their dating online now which is depressing.

[Emerald]

38 minutes ago, BlessedLion said:

that's so interesting, you'd think it be the opposite (because using male psychology) most guys would have no problem with and even be totally stoked to date a girl way more attractive than them and do everything to keep her. That's so wild that women actually want the opposite, but in terms of polarity it makes sense.

Women tend to be slightly hypergamous in terms of age, height, strength, status... preferring a man who is older, taller, stronger, and higher status than her.

But women tend to be slightly hypogamous in terms of physical attractiveness. 

The reverse is true of men. Women date up in terms of power... and slightly down in terms of looks. Men date up in terms of looks as high as they can... and down in terms of power.

It's also why it drives me nuts when men complain about women being hypergamous in one breath, then clamoring for a perfect 10 in the next. They just don't recognize how hypergamous they are. But that's a side note.

The reality is that it's much easier to feel like the hot and desirable woman when the guy feels like he's batting above his weight and is really into you. Like, he has to feel like he's done well and exited that he's landed a woman who's at the upper end of his usual range of options or slightly out of it.

And I find it difficult to even get turned on if I can't feel like the peacock in the relationship as I just can't feel Feminine when the guy is the peacock.

Like, if I imagine myself with some hot guy that looks like Brad Pitt in the 90s, it's super awkward and I feel undesirable... like all the Femininity is being sucked right out of me. My imagination can't even imagine a hot and steamy interaction with such a guy. It would just be weird and tense. And I wouldn't even be able to open up sexually.

I would just start feeling like Michael Cera's characters in the awkward roles that he plays... with a total loss of grace and ease.

But if I imagine a guy who's like 10 years older than me and of a similar level of attractiveness to me but less peacocky because of having more mature features, I can feel very Feminine and desirable by contrast... as I'm the pretty one in the dynamic.

So, I can only really feel desire for a guy that I feel like I have the looks advantage over... usually through partnering with an older man.

And I doubt that that's just a me thing. I think most women probably feel similarly about being the peacock, even if they don't go for older men specifically to do so.

[Emerald]

57 minutes ago, BlessedLion said:

Yeah, i've always wondered how people just stay stuck in those types of relationships where they are both disatisfied and nothing is changing. But i can understand the intertwining and fear of pain from ripping that off.

Regarding the super excitement of new relationships or turbulent relationships you mentioned - do you think that feeling dissatisfied, bored, or "unsparked" in a relationship is more about the relationship/woman or this addiction to excitement and novelty? 

Anyway, appreciate your takes on this.

It might be about the desire for excitement and novelty... and the sense that one who seeks it may be looking for other psychological needs from sex and relationship beyond what relationship can provide.

For example, if there's a guy who wants validation, and he sees sexual connection with women as a means of getting that validation. And then, he gets into a relationship with one of those women. But he feels restless because he wants to seek more validation from other women, as he already got the validation from the woman he's in a relationship with.

It can take some work to actually get to the point of desiring an actual relationship when we are transferring and projecting other dynamics and psychological needs onto the concept of sexuality, dating, relationship, etc.

Also, young people tend to need a time where they're just learning about themselves by dating around... and may not be ready to put the roots down deep.

But for someone who's really ready for a relationship and isn't seeking other psychological needs through relationship, there is a kind of addictive bonding where things aren't exciting... but the bonds go really deep. It's like that saying, "Still waters run deep."

And in healthy relationships where there is mutual love, there's a deepening of intimacy and connection that comes through living a life together. And it's very mundane but very profound at the same time.... and the profundity grows over years and decades.

This brings up another reason why someone might feel dissatisfied in a relationship... and that's if they or their partner is not knowledgable about how to connect deeper or willing to find ways to make the relationship go deeper. This will tend to lead to desires for a new relationship.

And men and women both have certain relationship needs. And if they don't feel like they can get them, there can be a desire for escape through breakup and cheating.

[Tenebroso]

It's true. I would say top 5%. Society is uncomfortable with this truth so persistently gaslights men as you see in this thread. If it wasn't true you wouldn't see such a vast gap in the experiences between men. Some of men literally end up having tens of thousands of partners while many men get literally nothing. Almost all women will have some man be be attracted to them regardless of background, size, personality, style, looks etc the same is not true for men, many men are no woman's type.