Fear when meditating

[TheGod]

My ability to start entering non-dual states when meditating terrifies me. 

I used to meditate for 30 minutes straight but since I didn't have any reference experience for being I was basically wasting my time calling it meditation. 

After having been on 100+ trips I recently decided to get back at meditation but it scares me because I can literally start tuning into being in 5 minutes. 

It brings about terror that I usually have on psychedelics when experiencing ego-death. On psychedelics ego-death is enforced on me so I do enter non-dual states shortly after. When I meditate I just can't surrender because on psychedelics I know it's temporary but when I do it sober it freaks me out because I am afraid to never return. 

How do I manage this fear of disappearing while meditating? 

[Sugarcoat]

Wow that’s so cool you’re able to do that. Could you describe more closely how it feels when you start to “dissapear” ? Are you sure that fear is linked to when it starts happening, or are you having fear about the mere IDEA of it happening? Like is it a mental fear about how you imagine it’s gonna be, or is it more a fear that arises in that exact experience directly? I don’t have good advice rather than just sit with it….

[TheGod]

4 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Wow that’s so cool you’re able to do that. Could you describe more closely how it feels when you start to “dissapear” ? Are you sure that fear is linked to when it starts happening, or are you having fear about the mere IDEA of it happening? Like is it a mental fear about how you imagine it’s gonna be, or is it more a fear that arises in that exact experience directly? I don’t have good advice rather than just sit with it….

It's very difficult to describe. It's just the sensation. The sensation of entering being or rather recognizing it (because it's always being) brings about huge resistance to the point where I want to go back as soon as possible and not to go deeper. It's like I am merging with the present moment. It's not a thought or idea it is just happening. This happening scares me directly. 

[Jowblob]

Yes, recently i also started getting more into energetic unity states that feel like ego death. I wouldn't call it non dual but more of energetic unity state where breathing seem to stop as the breath becomes energetic unity field itself. 

What you have to understand is that there is no death, there is always only a change in consciousness and you do not have to fear it. Why? Because you're the deciding factor how far you're gonna go, eventually when you get bored of your life you will loosen the blockage and go further. So if you fear it then simply don't go further, you're eternal remember this you have all the time

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, TheGod said:

It's very difficult to describe. It's just the sensation. The sensation of entering being or rather recognizing it (because it's always being) brings about huge resistance to the point where I want to go back as soon as possible and not to go deeper. It's like I am merging with the present moment. It's not a thought or idea it is just happening. This happening scares me directly. 

The only thing I can draw similarity to my experience is when I tried 5 Meo dmt it was like that. It’s like the border between you and world melts and it can feel directly scary

Idk but if you feel like “I really wanna explore it” then maybe you just have to go through the fear and hopefully it will subside 

[TheGod]

5 minutes ago, Jowblob said:

Yes, recently i also started getting more into energetic unity states that feel like ego death. I wouldn't call it non dual but more of energetic unity state where breathing seem to stop as the breath becomes energetic unity field itself. 

What you have to understand is that there is no death, there is always only a change in consciousness and you do not have to fear it. Why? Because you're the deciding factor how far you're gonna go, eventually when you get bored of your life you will loosen the blockage and go further. So if you fear it then simply don't go further, you're eternal remember this you have all the time

I just don't like God's design. 

When I am in my normal human state I am constantly looking for more or craving something or someone.

When I am my true self it scares me as well because God has no control over its own infinitude and it's just too much and super overwhelming.

I don't even know what is better constant ego cravigns or God's unlimited extasy that drives me nuts. 

[Jowblob]

2 minutes ago, TheGod said:

I just don't like God's design. 

When I am in my normal human state I am constantly looking for more or craving something or someone.

When I am my true self it scares me as well because God has no control over its own infinitude and it's just too much and super overwhelming.

I don't even know what is better constant ego cravigns or God's unlimited extasy that drives me nuts. 

I don't know if you know this but you can be in a state inbetween, be a human and have abundance in sex/food etc. the unlimited human cravings.

[Sugarcoat]

I personally have transcended the seeking of pleasure as a human, but not the avoidance/aversion to suffering. Seems to me you need a total self wipeout for that latter part…. Let me know if you ever transcend that

[Dodo]

11 minutes ago, Jowblob said:

I don't know if you know this but you can be in a state inbetween, be a human and have abundance in sex/food etc. the unlimited human cravings.

You mean the love of money and hedonism? Is that your God? 

Oh dear! With that username, i feel dirty even replying 😔 🤧 

Anyway, good luck on your journey, you sound like you are young.

 

Edited August 25 by Dodo

[TheGod]

7 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I personally have transcended the seeking of pleasure as a human, but not the avoidance/aversion to suffering. Seems to me you need a total self wipeout for that latter part…. Let me know if you ever transcend that

When I transcend that I will also trancend you and everyone else so there will be no point in telling anything

[Sugarcoat]

5 minutes ago, TheGod said:

When I transcend that I will also trancend you and everyone else so there will be no point in telling anything

You mean because transcending avoidance of suffering would entail ending the self so that also ends the other?

You have to tell me because I need to know how 😭

Edited August 25 by Sugarcoat

[Jowblob]

13 minutes ago, Dodo said:

You mean the love of money and hedonism? Is that your God? 

Oh dear! With that username, i feel dirty even replying 😔 🤧 

Anyway, good luck on your journey, you sound like you are young.

 

And you sound like you still have a lot of growing to do, judging souls and their paths and their decisions how they want to spend their time or their godly will. I think it's coming from jealousy   What about my name?

Edited August 25 by Jowblob

[Dodo]

50 minutes ago, TheGod said:

My ability to start entering non-dual states when meditating terrifies me. 

I used to meditate for 30 minutes straight but since I didn't have any reference experience for being I was basically wasting my time calling it meditation. 

After having been on 100+ trips I recently decided to get back at meditation but it scares me because I can literally start tuning into being in 5 minutes. 

It brings about terror that I usually have on psychedelics when experiencing ego-death. On psychedelics ego-death is enforced on me so I do enter non-dual states shortly after. When I meditate I just can't surrender because on psychedelics I know it's temporary but when I do it sober it freaks me out because I am afraid to never return. 

How do I manage this fear of disappearing while meditating? 

As someone who's never done psychedellics but have had sober nondual experiences i know what terrror you are talking about. Writing from hospital bed after latest one.

Anyway, one time I talked to a guy on the street... early in the morning, a black guy... he looked like a thug, carrying something... i walked past him, he followed me, i said stop following me thank you - he said he wouldnt hurt me, just self defense. Then i went up to him later, this crazy guy and I asked him "Bro, are you me?" And he suddenly snapped out of his crazy persona and became extremely intelligent and asked me what I could teach him.  But before he did that he said "its just about being" and "i am addicted to learning". 

Crazy experiences one can have. I find that street spirituality can be proper real. We like to meditate and close ourselves from the world, when perhaps the world can be the meditation! The body doesnt have to go if its an illusion, so who disappears? Who is alone? Who am I? I know, I'm a slow learner.

Edited August 25 by Dodo

[TheGod]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

You mean because transcending avoidance of suffering would entail ending the self so that also ends the other?

 

Yes, when suffering ends the other also ends but then boredom begins and here we go again 

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, TheGod said:

Yes, when suffering ends the other also ends but then boredom begins and here we go again 

What do you mean boredom

[Dodo]

8 minutes ago, Jowblob said:

And you sound like you still have a lot of growing to do, judging souls and their paths and their decisions how they want to spend their time or their godly will. I think it's coming from jealousy

We are entering the infinite judgmenet spiral, be careful young padawan🧐 

Take it easy and leave some for the rest

Joking aside, what happens if your ability to have such pleasures gets taken from you? What then? You will start to look into spirituality then?

Edited August 25 by Dodo

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, Jowblob said:

What about my name?

Edited just now by Jowblob

Should we tell him….

[TheGod]

6 minutes ago, Dodo said:

As someone who's never done psychedellics but have had sober nondual experiences i know what terrror you are talking about. Writing from hospital bed after latest one.

Anyway, one time I talked to a guy on the street... early in the morning, a black guy... he looked like a thug, carrying something... i walked past him, he followed me, i said stop following me thank you - he said he wouldnt hurt me, just self defense. Then i went up to him later, this crazy guy and I asked him "Bro, are you me?" And he suddenly snapped out of his crazy persona and became extremely intelligent and asked me what I could teach him.  But before he did that he said "its just about being" and "i am addicted to learning". 

Crazy experiences one can have. I find that street spirituality can be proper real. We like to meditate and close ourselves from the world, when perhaps the world can be the meditation! 

I once gave my 5MeO-DMT vape to a guy in a park who asked me what I was vaping. 

He ended up throwing his wallet with all his things in it saying it all was just an illusion and why I created him. He also tried to climb on me (I was siting on a park banch).

He returned very quickly though like in 2 minutes. Completely confused and walked away. 

Edited August 25 by TheGod

[Jowblob]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

Should we tell him….

A lot of people have sand between their eyes and read it as blowjob, i think that's why he made the remark

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Jowblob said:

A lot of people have sand between their eyes and read it as blowjob, i think that's why he made the remark

Yea. But it’s probably an outdated joke for you.