A wound

[theleelajoker]

Thanks!

[Sugarcoat]

20 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

The point isn't to disintegrate the self, but to open it. Disintegrating the self is the Buddhist way; it implies reaching emptiness. In emptiness, there is no suffering, and nothing matters. But there is a trap: who is dissolving the self? Another self, the Buddhist self that believes in emptiness, reincarnation and nirvana.

All I am familiar with is the process of disintegration of the self and it ended up with me feeling like I was approaching nothingness.

I guess I haven’t done the opening aspect so its hard to grapple what that is- maybe it’s only obvious when it actually happens

20 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Opening means perceiving yourself as the living flow of the reality without limits. I mean, you perceive yourself as the form , but also as the flow, the movement, the becoming, then you can shift the focus to the unlimited perspective putting the structure in background. To do that you have to make the structure equalized with the flow, so similar thats almost one, without closures, transparent. Then in some moments you can perceive the real flow so direct than you get open to it's ultimate nature. That's the mystical thing, look in the face to the totality and be one with it, be that. Not the flow or the becoming, the absolute, the nature of reality, the reality itself. Then it closes but the flow is permeated of its life, it's clarity, it's beauty. So you see clearly that everything is pale, black and white, if your perception is opaque. It's not defining the reality as infinite, god or anything, is be open to it's nature as much as is possible, then the self can be burned by the fire of the real thing.

 

Yea I would need the direct experience to make sense of this. Sometimes I don’t even know what state of consciousness I am in. Because I’ve been through profound permanent shifts but I barely even know what they were about.

20 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

It's not that the self is false, it's that it's like a interface. It's impossible being without self unless you equalize the interface so much that the absolute or call it whatever is transparent, then you have like mystic experiences then you think... maybe the self is dissapearing, it's just the totality flowing, there is no difference in some moments. Maybe in some point it's so transparent that there is no "self", just a minimalist structure that almost doesn't occupy place and the totality that you are is totally open all the time. But little by little because there are opaque points , it's a natural process that moves in its rhythm, like anything else. It's impossible to force it, just perceive as clear as you can, without lies, ideas, traps, etc

For me it definitely seems almost impossible to dissolve the self 😂 It’s like you need to do something significant to the brain to achieve it

Edited 14 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Breakingthewall]

37 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I am familiar with is the process of disintegration of the self and it ended up with me feeling like I was approaching nothingness.

Imo the problem is that disintegration seems like disappearing, becoming nothing, and that doesn't make sense. The idea is to dissolve the separation between you and reality and be reality. "Nothingness" is an idea of the self; it remains in separation. Dissolution is equivalent to there no longer being self and there is reality, or the self no longer being limited and embracing reality. It would be the same thing. It's a question of limits, not of disappearing.

[James123]

48 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

For me it definitely seems almost impossible to dissolve the self 😂 It’s like you need to do something significant to the brain to achieve it

İt is possible, but without you or brain. Every moment you die and born again. 

 

 

[James123]

7 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Imo the problem is that disintegration seems like disappearing, becoming nothing, and that doesn't make sense. The idea is to dissolve the separation between you and reality and be reality. "Nothingness" is an idea of the self; it remains in separation. Dissolution is equivalent to there no longer being self and there is reality, or the self no longer being limited and embracing reality. It would be the same thing. It's a question of limits, not of disappearing.

it is the leaving in the world as nothing as before, as absolute. 

Why do you still suffer, I do not understand it.

[James123]

@Breakingthewall you are dedicated brother and have the potential. 

Just let go.

[Breakingthewall]

32 minutes ago, James123 said:

Why do you still suffer, I do not understand it.

 All your post have the smell of contraction, like you need to convince yourself about your enlightenment. Your vibration is anxious, even you talk all time about love 

Edited 13 hours ago by Breakingthewall

[Sugarcoat]

23 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Imo the problem is that disintegration seems like disappearing, becoming nothing, and that doesn't make sense. The idea is to dissolve the separation between you and reality and be reality. "Nothingness" is an idea of the self; it remains in separation. Dissolution is equivalent to there no longer being self and there is reality, or the self no longer being limited and embracing reality. It would be the same thing. It's a question of limits, not of disappearing.

I feel 5 Meo dmt does that erasing of the border. At least when I tried it; but I did low dose so it was still a little ego left. I imagine higher dose is full erasing of border. Do you feel the openness on 5 Meo is different than the one you can achieve naturally or not?

[James123]

5 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Who said I'm suffering? All your post have the smell of contraction, like you need to convince yourself about your enlightenment. Your vibration is anxious, even you talk all time about love 

😊 Okay my brother. Good luck to you 💋 

[Breakingthewall]

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I feel 5 Meo dmt does that erasing of the border. At least when I tried it; but I did low dose so it was still a little ego left. I imagine higher dose is full erasing of border. Do you feel the openness on 5 Meo is different than the one you can achieve naturally or not?

5meo was a meditative tool for me because it breaks the structure of the psyche, and then it reforms. You see what it is like, not conceptually, but as something real that happens. Then you begin to understand it. It's like understanding that if you drop an object, it falls to the ground. You understand it not conceptually, but directly. The same with the psyche.  total openness with 5 meo, maybe sometimes. But it's very violent and strange, and after 5 minutes, you forget about it because your psychic structure can't capture it because it's too asymmetric

[Breakingthewall]

5 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

feel 5 Meo dmt does that erasing of the border. At least when I tried it; but I did low dose so it was still a little ego left. I imagine higher dose is full erasing of border. Do you feel the openness on 5 Meo is different than the one you can achieve naturally or not?

I just remembered a experience with 5 meo. 

I've had many negative experiences, nihilistic, extremely depressing. So, once, I decided to take 5 meo for 4 days straight. It was extremely terrifying to me. The first day, horribly empty nihilism. The second day, I do it again, and again: reality is dead, infinite emptiness. Horrible, but well, now I know what it is. I think, well, this was what I had to see today. You have to be patient. After 5 seconds, I thought, no, i have to break. So, I put a lot of 5 meo in the pipe without weighing it and vaporized it. And I thought, show me the truth or kill me (I know it sounds like a silly heroic novel, but I thought those exact words). Then, reality broke, and life flowed into it, the inexhaustible source of absolute plenitude, infinitely alive infinity, its infinite depth, so absolutely alive that you disappear. There is only a bottomless abyss of absolute life. It is infinite glory. "More" is impossible; you have it all. Infinitely more than your wildest dreams. More than infinite universes, more than God, it's simply total. Then, in your mind, an idea arises: Yeeeeeeeessssss, hallelujah, hallelujah. The gap has been broken, the glass has been filled, something irreversible has happened. I've broken through the doors of heaven. After 5 minutes, it closes, but you already know where to aim. That first glimpse is absolutely essential.