The Music Paradox: When Emotional Catharsis Becomes Toxic

[jimwell]

I love music and feel grateful for its existence. But I've noticed that many great songs often contain themes of emotional pain, such as heartbreak, tragedy, abandonment, loss, envy, regret, rejection, and sadness. They can initially make us feel good via resonance because we have experienced these emotions. It's especially impactful when we are experiencing these various forms of emotional pain.

But I've been skeptical about listening to these types of music for a few years, and in recent weeks, my skepticism has only grown. I've realized that prolonged listening to such painful music leads to negative consequences. We absorb these negative vibrations without us realizing it: lyrical themes of despair, betrayal, failure, or aggression, paired with heavy sonic textures. They act as affirmations, albeit negative ones. This is critical because repeated affirmations, even passively absorbed ones eventually shape identity. When we consistently expose our minds to narratives of suffering or conflict, we unconsciously internalize these patterns as truths about ourselves and the world.

Identity directs behavior and decisions. This toxic feedback loop inevitably leads to negative emotional experiences such as increased anxiety, chronic sadness, irritability, etc. which then manifest as negative life experiences. Motivation can dwindle, and a general sense of stagnation or unhappiness takes root. The music becomes less a temporary outlet and more a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, I have decided to reduce the time I spend listening to painful music. In the past, I used to listen to 90% negative-vibe music and 10% positive-vibe music. Now, I'll do the reverse: 90% positive music and only 10% negative music.

Here are examples of positive-vibe music I'm talking about:

vibration: romance, appreciation, mindfulness, fulfilment, joy, accomplishment, celebration, and gratitude

 

vibration: self-empowerment, self-discovery, resilience, confidence, success, and self-love

 

vibration: love, aspiration, wish, imagination, optimism, and faith

You know any positive-vibe music worth adding to this list? Share your recommendations. But no AI allowed.   

[Puer Aeternus]

I've had some struggle periods when sad music was my comforter. 

I think listening to positive music would've just felt like forcing it in those moments and rather inauthentic. Sometimes amplification is useful.

So I think it's difficult to say! To me it's very personal and very dependant on the situation. But I do think you have some points. I can see how it can cause unnecessary lingering. Something can definitely be said for using music to boost the mood too!

 

But yeah- If I want some endearing and cute music to lift the vibe, Mag Bay is my go to 

 

 

[jimwell]

That music is indeed, cute. 

 

12 minutes ago, Puer Aeternus said:

I've had some struggle periods when sad music was my comforter. 

I think listening to positive music would've just felt like forcing it in those moments and rather inauthentic. Sometimes amplification is useful.

Yes, because your present painful emotional experience resonates with the painful music so it feels cathartic. That's the only time when listening to painful music is beneficial. But when it becomes a habit or routine, it does more harm than good.

[aurum]

SD Green music is really good for this:

 

[Guest Nilsi]

Honestly, I’ve been thinking about this, and I realized I probably don’t listen to anything that could be described as straightforwardly “positive.” Most of the music I love - Bowie, Jockstrap, Sonic Youth - is emotionally intense, theatrical, layered. It’s never just one thing. Even when it’s joyful, there’s always ambiguity, performance, distortion - some crack in the image that keeps it real.

And maybe that’s the issue: I can’t deal with music that feels too emotionally clear, too resolved. That kind of blunt, feel-good tone - no tension, no irony - just doesn’t land for me. It feels like ad music. Like something made for a pitch deck.

But that said - here’s something:

It’s basically pop positivity at its most plastic. It’s so polished, so commercial, it almost loops back around into absurdity. It sounds like the soundtrack to a product launch. I genuinely don’t know if it’s ironic, or if my response to it is. It’s a guilty pleasure, sure, but maybe that’s what “positive” sounds like: something so genuine it starts to get weird again.

So maybe you’ll enjoy it. I kind of do - though I still don’t know why.

Edited June 21 by Nilsi

[Guest Nilsi]

7 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Honestly, I’ve been thinking about this, and I realized I probably don’t listen to anything that could be described as straightforwardly “positive.” Most of the music I love - Bowie, Jockstrap, Sonic Youth - is emotionally intense, theatrical, layered. It’s never just one thing. Even when it’s joyful, there’s always ambiguity, performance, distortion - some crack in the image that keeps it real.

And maybe that’s the issue: I can’t deal with music that feels too emotionally clear, too resolved. That kind of blunt, feel-good tone - no tension, no irony - just doesn’t land for me. It feels like ad music. Like something made for a pitch deck.

But that said - here’s something:

It’s basically pop positivity at its most plastic. It’s so polished, so commercial, it almost loops back around into absurdity. It sounds like the soundtrack to a product launch. I genuinely don’t know if it’s ironic, or if my response to it is. It’s a guilty pleasure, sure, but maybe that’s what “positive” sounds like: something so genuine it starts to get weird again.

So maybe you’ll enjoy it. I kind of do - though I still don’t know why.

It’s actually really interesting, because nowadays that ambiguity I mentioned is already built into pop music. Just look at the biggest stars - Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo, Chappell Roan, etc. - they’re already channeling this post-ironic, metamodern emotional sensibility. The self-awareness, the layers of performance, the winks - it’s all there, and it’s fully absorbed into the machinery of major-label A&R.

And because that’s become the new normal, a song like the Paramore track becomes almost impossible to process retroactively. Your mind wants to locate the irony - but it’s not there, at least not in any obvious way. So you end up hallucinating irony on an even subtler level, as if the absence of irony itself becomes the site of irony. And in that move - by virtue of what feels like a missing layer - the song suddenly starts to glow with a kind of accidental genius.

[saif2]

@jimwell I agree with you, and there is also another variable, the space within in which you listen to music. If you listen to it intently with mindfulness the result can be very different.

certain types of music i think are high vibration, you need to listen mindfully to feel the energy, its quite amazing.
Here are some examples of what i think is high vibration music:

 

 

 

[jimwell]

2 hours ago, aurum said:

SD Green music is really good for this:

 

I felt the positivity in that song. I like SD Green people because they tend to be good-hearted. I love intelligence but goodness eclipses intelligence. I'd rather be with good-hearted people than intelligent ones.

 

 

[aurum]

6 minutes ago, jimwell said:

I felt the positivity in that song. I like SD Green people because they tend to be good-hearted. I love intelligence but goodness eclipses intelligence. I'd rather be with good-hearted people than intelligent ones.

Be careful though, because vibes can be misleading.

These people are often delusional and not always as good as they seem.

[jimwell]

57 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

And maybe that’s the issue: I can’t deal with music that feels too emotionally clear, too resolved. That kind of blunt, feel-good tone - no tension, no irony - just doesn’t land for me. It feels like ad music. Like something made for a pitch deck.

I grasp it. This is why most great songs belong to the negative-vibe category. But this isn’t surprising. Pain and sorrow possess a beauty and depth that joy and peace often don’t. That’s one reason I won’t completely eliminate painful music. I love beauty and depth, so I’m willing to experience pain and misery from time to time.

 

1 hour ago, Nilsi said:

It’s basically pop positivity at its most plastic. It’s so polished, so commercial, it almost loops back around into absurdity. It sounds like the soundtrack to a product launch. I genuinely don’t know if it’s ironic, or if my response to it is.

It's a fun song and I enjoyed it. 

 

45 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

And because that’s become the new normal, a song like the Paramore track becomes almost impossible to process retroactively. Your mind wants to locate the irony - but it’s not there, at least not in any obvious way. So you end up hallucinating irony on an even subtler level, as if the absence of irony itself becomes the site of irony. And in that move - by virtue of what feels like a missing layer - the song suddenly starts to glow with a kind of accidental genius.

I don't comprehend.

[jimwell]

1 minute ago, aurum said:

Be careful though, because vibes can be misleading.

These people are often delusional and not always as good as they seem.

Correct. But I stand by what I said. SD Green is generally more good-hearted than SD-Orange and other stages. And I'll repeat it:  I'd rather be with good-hearted people than intelligent ones.

[jimwell]

49 minutes ago, saif2 said:

certain types of music i think are high vibration, you need to listen mindfully to feel the energy, its quite amazing.
Here are some examples of what i think is high vibration music:

 

Classical music isn't usually my thing, but I can appreciate it from time to time.

 

51 minutes ago, saif2 said:

 

 

If I'm on a meditation retreat or in specific spiritual settings, I'd listen to this music.

 

52 minutes ago, saif2 said:

 

 

I like the melody and the peaceful vibe.

 

55 minutes ago, saif2 said:

I agree with you, and there is also another variable, the space within in which you listen to music. If you listen to it intently with mindfulness the result can be very different.

I grasp it and I agree.

[Guest Nilsi]

20 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

It’s actually really interesting, because nowadays that ambiguity I mentioned is already built into pop music. Just look at the biggest stars - Sabrina Carpenter, Olivia Rodrigo, Chappell Roan, etc. - they’re already channeling this post-ironic, metamodern emotional sensibility. The self-awareness, the layers of performance, the winks - it’s all there, and it’s fully absorbed into the machinery of major-label A&R.

And because that’s become the new normal, a song like the Paramore track becomes almost impossible to process retroactively. Your mind wants to locate the irony - but it’s not there, at least not in any obvious way. So you end up hallucinating irony on an even subtler level, as if the absence of irony itself becomes the site of irony. And in that move - by virtue of what feels like a missing layer - the song suddenly starts to glow with a kind of accidental genius.

Sorry for hijacking this thread, but I think this is such an interesting line to develop.

What we’re seeing today - in music, in marketing, in politics - is something that goes beyond postmodernism, but not in the way so-called “sensemaking” or “metamodernist” thinkers usually claim. They often say we’ve gone beyond deconstruction and irony, toward a synthesis where critique and sincerity coexist. But I think the reality is darker - and slipperier.

In postmodernism, as described by Fredric Jameson, you still had a clear structure: irony, parody, simulation - but always of something. There was still a sense of what was being faked, deconstructed, critiqued. Baudrillard’s idea of hyperreality begins to dissolve that boundary: signs that no longer point to anything real, but only to other signs. A simulation of a simulation, without origin. That was already disturbing.

But what we’re seeing now - and I say this as someone working in marketing, talking to clients and executives all the time - is something worse. In Sloterdijk’s “cynical reason,” the subject knows what they’re doing is bullshit, but does it anyway. There’s still a kind of knowing. A wink. You knew Madonna was performing. You were supposed to know. The label knew. The marketing execs knew. That’s cynical reason. It lets critique survive, because the performance is visible as a mask.

Today, we don’t have that. We’re in a post-cynical condition - where nobody knows anymore. The pop star doesn’t know if they’re playing a role. The audience doesn’t know if it’s irony. The label doesn’t know how to pitch it. Everything is plausible deniability. You can’t say it’s fake - because it never claimed to be real. You can’t say it’s sincere - because any sincerity might be a performance. It’s all reversible.

Take a recent Sabrina Carpenter album cover. Is it feminist? Is it anti-feminist? Is it ironic? Sincere? Subversive? Complicit? Nobody knows - and that’s the point. It’s perfect hyperreality. It collapses all distinctions between role and self, critique and complicity. And the brilliance (or horror) is: it works. It circulates.

This is why today’s cultural logic feels like late-late capitalism, or even post-human capitalism. The decisions are no longer made by cynical capitalists behind closed doors, but by algorithms, metrics, and emergent feedback loops. Split-testing, AI-driven ad targeting - all of it dissolves intent. Things go viral not because someone meant them to, but because they click with some unknowable, liquid logic of the system.

And this isn’t just theory. When I’m in sales calls, pitching to execs, nobody even knows anymore what the “message” is supposed to be. We’re all improvising, hedging, running on vibes and dashboards. The medium is more real than the message. The campaign runs itself - and we all just follow, retroactively constructing a rationale.

So if this is “metamodernism,” it’s not some grand synthesis of irony and sincerity. It’s something far more disorienting. A regime where meaning is liquified, where sincerity and irony no longer even mean anything, and where the system - not people - is the only subject left.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

This whole topic is fascinating, and I have very much attempted to attend to perceiving how sound and music effects my inner state. 

I am not sure it is so cut & dry regarding its effects. So I will as users a question: 

1) do you listen to music, and walk away sad/happy/peaceful/joyous/angry? IE does the music you listen to effect your mood?

2) do you listen to music and feel no change, or an elevation, to your mood? IE you feel angry, so you put on angry music. This acts to offload the emotion and ease pain. Effectively purging the feeling. 

For myself, music does little to effect my mood. It will slightly. But I choose music according to my mood, and it acts to enhance good feelings, or ease bad ones. I do not take on the 'state' of the music genre. 

I've spent a lot of time on this, and asked others many questions. It usually comes down to one of the 2 above (but there is always some crossover).

[Puer Aeternus]

1 hour ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

I am not sure it is so cut & dry regarding its effects. So I will as users a question: 

1) do you listen to music, and walk away sad/happy/peaceful/joyous/angry? IE does the music you listen to effect your mood?

2) do you listen to music and feel no change, or an elevation, to your mood? IE you feel angry, so you put on angry music. This acts to offload the emotion and ease pain. Effectively purging the feeling. 

For myself, music does little to effect my mood. It will slightly. But I choose music according to my mood, and it acts to enhance good feelings, or ease bad ones. I do not take on the 'state' of the music genre. 

Mostly similar to yours. Don't really use music to switch my mood, for me it's an amplifier I put on when I'm already in a certain mood! When I'm neutral and listening to music, it rarely affects me. Even if it's emotionally provocative, it'll just ping off me. 

I do have a few exceptions where I use music to alter my mood though.

1. Am going to the gym and want to swap from neutral to caveman hype brain.

2. I'm processing hard things, am sitting deeply in my body, and want relaxing music as an extra layer of stability. Though I haven't felt the need to do this one in awhile.

3. When I'm feeling neutral but suddenly have a craving to listen to one of my favorites. It'll send me from 0-100 real quick.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Puer Aeternus yep similar to myself on all counts.

I used to think everyone was like this until looking at how we each process music on a deeper level

[Puer Aeternus]

7 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Puer Aeternus yep similar to myself on all counts.

I used to think everyone was like this until looking at how we each process music on a deeper level

Dude I used to think everyone was like me period until I realized I was one crazy bitch! 

Ways people are different is very interesting to me and I'm still sooo bad at even grasping it.

[Basman]

It so boring and dry to worry about how music affects your health. There so much bigger fish when it comes to the mental health than worrying about whether or not you should be listening to Slipknot. Not that I necessarily buy this stuff about vibrations and shit. 

It's kinda silly to try and maintain this "positive vibe" 24/7. That is just not how humans work. It's natural to feel negative feelings something. Like, why is it such a problem if you feel sad or angry throughout your day? It strikes me as this New Age dogma of "positive vibes only".

Edited June 22 by Basman

[Natasha Tori Maru]

2 hours ago, Basman said:

It so boring and dry to worry about how music affects your health.

Damn man, have a look at the history of humans and music.

It is deep. Sound has a profound effect on people.

I think OP's journey of interoception & sound couldn't be LESS boring.

[jimwell]

9 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

1) do you listen to music, and walk away sad/happy/peaceful/joyous/angry? IE does the music you listen to effect your mood?

2) do you listen to music and feel no change, or an elevation, to your mood? IE you feel angry, so you put on angry music. This acts to offload the emotion and ease pain. Effectively purging the feeling. 

Music has an immediate and significant impact on me.

1. When I'm in an emotionally neutral state and listen to angry music, my mood changes to "Don't touch me, otherwise I'll destroy your face.". 

This is probably because I experienced severe mental-emotional abuse and even some physical abuse during childhood and early adulthood. Now that I've learned to stand up for myself and have gained the capability to punish and inflict fear on bad-hearted people, angry music awakens that spirit in me. 

2. When I'm already feeling an intense emotion such as anger, the angry I music I listen to provides some form of catharsis, making me feel better.

3. When I try to create something beautiful and creative but my mood is plain and neutral, I listen to positive-vibe and mellow music to elevate it.

 

4. When I engage in my Qigong routine, I play calming music to enhance the experience.

 

5. When I listen to average or low-quality music, I feel annoyed and agitated. 

6. When I feel bored, I play my favorite songs to bring some life and excitement.