A testimony about Truth, resentment, falsehood and conspiracies

[gengar]

The following is a testimony about my personal experience with male resentment, extreme ideologies, bad epistemology, and how the love for Truth can save you from it.

It started out as a reply to Leo in another thread about male resentment.

I want to add before I begin, if you are 30+, you have no idea how bad the ideological and epistemological nature is of young people.
It's breaking down rates you wouldn't believe. People younger than 20 are even worse, I've heard. (im 25) virtually none of them subscribe to the vanilla liberal worldview anymore. You're a loser if you do. all the "cool kids" basically believe in anti-institutional, radical rhetoric, which often has a more far-right flair to it than far-left. All the kids are listening and watching Adin Ross and the like, who are a direct pipeline to Trumpism and other forms of hate.

This is all in part thanks to a true failure of the liberal hegemony, with their lies, propaganda, capitalism, zionism and hyper competitive society, without any forms of shared epistemology or spirituality. They as the elites have failed the masses. And the masses, dumb, selfish and rat-like as they are still, do recognize when the elites have failed them, subconsciously. They recognize that the level of bullshit of the liberals has reached a critical point and they're no longer capable or worthy of ruling. And they are correct in that regard; just look at the Democrat party in the US; They're not even fighting Trump, who is literally doing all kinds of fascist things and takeovers as we speak. The liberals are so cucked to capital and their own nepotism, they have ENTIRELY lost the connection to the masses.

But of course they are not solely to blame. The rise of radical falsehood, the breaking down of epistemology through the internet and its bad actors. So much of our collective mental structure is being destroyed. Again, if you're above a certain age, you have no idea whats coming. People of my age are already fucked in the head and like I said, the people who are like 10 years younger than me, I.E. generation Alpha, are completely batshit insane. Not all of them of course, but a lot more than you think.

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@Leo Gura said, in response to my question about whether his stance is that women have it easier than men in life:
 

Quote

In some ways women have life easier.

But in some ways harder.

In general, young men -- this like thread -- do not understand how hard life is for women. Just because it is easy for a woman get random sex does not mean what young men think it means. It's not as good as it seems to a man. So being resentful over it is silly.

Counter-intuitively the easy life can involve more suffering as it breeds weakness.

 

Yeah, I agree, from my experience. I thought your post implicitly agreed with OPs sentiment that men have it harder in absolute terms.

Even though I went through a lot of resentment, I realized that sex for women is not their challenge. Their challenge is being more dependent than men are on other people, always being at risk of danger, being more emotionally volatile, and being at risk of the men they are dependant on leaving them.

In hindsight I wonder how I could have been so juvenile to think so selfishly. I think it's the sheer cope with the pain of being unloved, and having to accept a lonely and sexless life, that in combination of being confronted with sick and extreme ideologies that are readily found and normalized on the regular internet nowadays, spread by people who want to rile you up and exploit you for fame and cash, can send you spiraling in very dark ways and twist your mind into ways you'd never seen yourself in before.

What saved me was in part my curiosity and love for truth. Even though I went far in some rabbitholes like incel, far right, and even jihadi ideologies, I was always still curious about other points of view and other ideologies. I started studying other worldviews like leftism, communism, liberalism, world history, and how all these worldviews collide and/or differ at points.

Also, no matter how deep I went in the maelstrom of hate and resentment, the core of my being was yet always aware that what I was doing was not right, and more importantly not true. I always had my deepest intuition telling me that any ideology, any thought system or worldview that was based on bias and emotion is blatantly not true. It may sound juvenile to you, but when you're on the verge of suicide, ridden with resentment and hate for yourself but also the world, it's a lot harder to fight the devil and his ideologies. Sometimes it felt like, "okay, I'm going to kill myself", and I would feel the deepest sense in my bones that I would go to hell afterwards. Especially this thought is what drew me to the jihadi ideology in the latter part of my "dark arc" , since it confirms my intuition that suicide would mean hell, but provides the alternative of fighting for the state and religion, and if you die for it it's a VIP ticket to heaven, with all of the women you'd ever want.

Again, I know it sounds juvenile as fuck, but I was actively fighting my suicidal ideation with it. It was demonic ideals vs demonic ideals.

Ever since I've accepted and commited to that i'll never again sacrifice truth for anything, even if it means killing myself, I feel like I've been freed from ideology and ideological hate. I still feel the remnants of it, and sometimes I still say vile things online out of impulse, which I am ashamed to say. But knowing I have love for Truth, and refrain from falling into obvious bullshit, I feel a lot better about myself I guess. Even though I'm stlil a completely broken man, even if I die, at least I will die having said, "God is Truth".

I remember during my most tumultuous times, not knowing what God is, but knowing that Consciousness is eternal, being so afraid and so fed up, thinking about death, hell and the afterlife, and pain throughout my entire day, almost going insane, I said to myself at a point, "Truth is my God because Truth is God. No matter my fears, Truth is my God and I place all my faith in that, no matter what happens to me or what I will do." Because even when I don't know God, or know the Truth, I know that God is Truth, because that is the only thing it can be. Even if you know nothing, the Truth is there, and falsehood is bound to vanish, and the Truth remains. Ironically, that is a quote from the Quran.

It filled me with delight that after all this, Leo started sharing quotes about Truth and the love for Truth, confirming my intuitions. Not that it would have mattered, since I already made my commitment, and realized how deep something like committing to Truth really is. It literally means the death of all your bullshit and ego games if you truly commit to it, and might even mean physical death. But it still was soothing seeing an epic seeker like Leo basically coming to the same conclusions.

The last thing that I'd say is that, ironically, my delving into radical ideologies did have a self-redeeming quality to it, because I went so deep into it that I so to say, "came out of the other end". What I mean by that is actually something quite profound. I will elaborate:

I was so deep into it that I was basically ready to kill people. If you rile yourself up this bad, you basically come to a point where you either do that stuff, or don't, realize the horrible nature of yourself, let it all go, knowing it's all bullshit and morally abhorrent.

Contrast this with what I have seen a friend of me, one of my best friends that I have known since elementary, going through. He is truly stuck in far-right ideology, but not in the furthest ends of the kind. He follows people like Sam Hyde, extremely sneaky figures who sneak in their antisemitism and radical, hateful thought, in a cynical comical fashion. They somehow rationalize their views with being capable with morals, because they don't outright advocate for the holocaust, yet still dogwhistle all the time and basically change your worldview into thinking jews run the world and all that stuff.  Candace owens comes to mind, a sneaky rat who isn't a blatant outspoken nazi, but still spouts the same rhetoric.

The hate is very much there in those figures, but shrouded under veils of normalcy; fooling the follower into rationalizing the hate, internalizing it, and never coming to the conclusion that you've become a horrible person.

Looking at my friend and hearing what he often shares with me and my friends it's obvious he really believes in Jewish world domination and the like. It makes my stomach turn, and makes me ashamed of myself, since I also shared those memes and jokes with him in a time we were both vulnerable. But because I'm just a more extreme person, both in my evilness and goodness, that I came out of the other end, I realized how evil I was and also how Good real truth and real epistemology is. I saw through that I never really believed in all the crap with my real mind, but only because I was in so much turmoil I was basically taken over by the hate and bullshit.

It hurts to see my friend, who is very high-iq, being turned in a far-right ideologue, even though we both came from liberal, well off parents, he even more than I. I don't know what kind of trauma he went through to have to latch onto this hate for the West, and to do so not in a far-leftist way but in a far-right way. I used to envy him in elementary school, because he got with the girl that I was in love with but rejected me. I always thought that I was special, that I was rightful to be hateful, more than other people. Now I see my delusion.

I don't know what to do honestly. I'm thinking of, for the love of Truth and him, just aggressively try to wake him up by calling out his bullshit, giving evidence why Sam Hyde is a nazi and that it's not just liberal propaganda that he is (he literally believes that, it's honestly baffling how such a high iq person can have such a bad epistemology). Even though it might end our friendship, it's the best thing I can do.

TL:DR; Falsehood is everywhere, the ego loves falsehood because of pain and emotions, God is Truth, and the love for Truth should be held onto, no matter what it means for your ego and your life.

Edited April 26 by gengar

[Yimpa]

Thank you for sharing 👍🏼 

[Breakingthewall]

Great reading, I enjoyed every word. That's the attitude, sharp as a knife 

[Yimpa]

13 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Great reading, I enjoyed every word. That's the attitude, sharp as a knife 

Feeling the knife... now that's a different story