Report: First 5 Day Solo Retreat

[cle103]

I wanted to do this retreat mainly for life purpose and creativity. Also, healing and emotional work. Not really after an awakening. So my plan was to do 5-6 days at home. The first 3 would be full on spiritual practices, leaving the latter half open for thinking, planning and maybe some art.

 

Schedule was basically the same all retreat:

• Wakeup
• Short workout
• 1h breathwork
• First meal
• Meditation
• 1h walk
• TRE, Bioenergetics
• Meditation
• Second meal
• Meditation
• Journaling, stretching
• Being bored
• Bed

 

➡️ Day 1 & 2

Pretty straightforward. I hadn't meditated the last couple of months while moving apartments and hadn't returned to the habit (mainly as I wasn't feeling any benefit). It was refreshing to resume and I realized how much I missed it. I'm always plugged in - podcasts, videos, Discord - never giving myself space to be present with emotions. Breaking this pattern felt great, though the addiction to constant stimulation made itself felt.

Wouldn't this moment (eating a meal) be better if I was watching a video at the same time? Actually, no! 

 

➡️ Day 3

I had a decision coming up: shift to creative work or continue spiritual practices? Not feeling more creative than usual, I opted to dive deeper into meditation, breathwork and trauma release. I realized even more how much meditation was missing from my life. I envisioned restructuring my day, putting creative work earlier and creating space for 30-90 minutes each evening for meditation.

Also, my shoulder began hurting during longer sits until I found a better posture. And I had trouble sleeping because I felt so wide awake. 

 

➡️ Day 4

Cruise control until dinner. At this point my body felt almost like during the onset of a mushroom trip. Sort of janky, slow but wide awake. Not super pleasant. Looking at a jam jar, my consciousness seemed to merge with it. Everything moved like molasses though I felt hyper-aware. Snapped out of that state and decided on some more meditation. 

First session went well, but during the second session my mind cracked. The boredom became unbearable - if I had to label another arising object I would've jumped off my balcony. Even recognizing this as a trick of the mind, I couldn't continue. I decided on one final breathwork session the next morning before calling it quits.

 

➡️ Day 5

Last day! Did holotropic breathwork, ate breakfast, then distracted myself cleaning my apartment. Planning to get online, a thought hit me: "This won't make you feel better, it's all the same in the end."

With a sigh I sat down and got back into meditation. During my second session I had another thought come up: “Whether you sit here, whether you make a great life purpose, it doesn’t matter. It’s all gonna feel the same. Nothing really matters in the end.” That was kinda depressing. I worked through the emotion, was able to release it and the timer rang.

Planning to get groceries, I stepped outside and then it just hit me…

The sun was shining right onto me, the birds were chirping:

This is just so fucking beautiful! This is what it’s all about in the end! 

This whole ordeal was worth it for just that moment. After errands, I returned home thinking it was over, when my body suddenly became completely loose, unable to hold tension. Everything tingled while my mind remained sharp. Some spontaneous sounds emerged. Very interesting state. Felt high as a kite to be frank. Eventually I got up and did some more thinking about my life purpose. 

 

Overall...

Pretty sure his was one of the hardest things I've done. Boredom so thick you could cut it with a knife. It could have been more productive with consistent mindfulness, which happened naturally by days 4-5.

For artistic creativity, the retreat wasn't ideal, probably needed more time, sigh. But for emotional growth, trauma release, and life purpose, it was a amazing!

I have a renewed vision for my life. In the past my art was mostly about me, which is kinda par for the course, but I really want to be “useful”. That’s a phrase that came to me multiple times, “being of use”. This also deepened my love for nature which I plan to weave into my life purpose. Focussing on regenerating nature, rather than activism. Just don’t know how to combine art with that yet, not really a scienc-y guy myself. Hmm... 

 

There were some practices that really jived with me during this retreat, maybe they’re useful for someone reading: 

• Rebirthing breathwork (great pacing, just the right amount of guidance, no new age talk)
• Emotional experiencing (I combined that with Leo’s “mindfulness with labeling” which worked great for me). 
• TRE (trauma release) 

 

Cheers! 

[Davino]

@cle103 Thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work!

Even if you don't get much feedback this is the grinding that will get you far. Glad to read your experience. Take care brother!

[Yimpa]

On 4/25/2025 at 5:49 PM, cle103 said:

• Being bored

Love that this is on your schedule 

[UnbornTao]

Good to hear! 

[Davino]

2 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Love that this is on your schedule 

My father used to tell me when I was a kid that being bored is very healthy.