How Do I Get Over My Fear Of Conflict And Being Too Close-minded?

[WaterfallMachine]

Well, I gotta confess here.

I get way too afraid with disagreeing with people at times. I tend to be afraid that someone will get angry at me or accuse me of being closeminded. And I can say I'm pretty openminded — too much maybe to the point of indecisiveness.

Strangely not much in real life. Probably because I tend to have this idea of safety that it's alright to disagree with people I'm close with. Why I'm ironically more blunt when I'm closer to people, mostly because ideally, I find acting towards the truth and honesty in relationships as important. And my friends are alright with that. 

But outside that — nah. Mostly in the internet. And you might be asking — but why care about disagreements from the internet? Isn't it more important to value what people closer to you think because they genuinely like you than strangers on the internet? Well, I mean, it's for the intellectual and personal development benefits. I can disagree so I can hear feedback on important issues in my life and others. I can disagree so I can share in a civil discussion somewhere. And another thing is that on the sidelines, I write articles on the internet as a way to help people gain access to infomartion but I tend to be afraid of sharing controversial content. Or content I'm not at least 90% sure of. I've actually done some progress with the last part with actually sharing some things like that online these last couple of days, but it still feels like I keep hesitating and getting anxious about it. Obviously not a good thing.

And I tend to be slightly anxious at the idea of people disagreeing angrily at something I didn't notice, accusing me of being irrational, close minded or immoral in some form of name calling. It tends to keep me away from asking questions on the internet that can help me. 

I guess maybe it might be fear of what other people think or it might be the fear of offending someone. Or it may be some Green stage thing of wanting everyone to be heard. Wanting everyone to feel good in a group. . . that tends to get itself to indesiciveness. Or some Orange stage thing of wanting some sort of praise and status. Because recently, I've been noticing a Green transition for the last couple months and I've been getting less and less of the Orange motivations and behaviors and more of the Green ones. My more Orange praise for science and rationality self would think this kind of idealism of harmony and peace with people as pretty stupid, but well,  now I'm in it. And I have some respect for that than compared to before, but it seems rather unhelpful at times, really. 

Eh, I'm not sure. What do you think? Maybe there's another possible cause here. Another way of thinking. Another way of acting. 

What else?

Thank you in advance. 

 

Edited May 11, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[Nahm]

@WaterfallMachine Reality is everything that collapses into specifics when you observe it. So, knowledge is what you need if you want to change the product of the collapse. Read.

[WaterfallMachine]

11 hours ago, Nahm said:

@WaterfallMachine Reality is everything that collapses into specifics when you observe it. So, knowledge is what you need if you want to change the product of the collapse. Read.

Thank you, but not very specfic. Read on what? I already knew knowledge was the answer and I would look for it without this. Though, I was hoping people would give me advice or possible resources for research on this topic that I haven't known. What I google on the internet or what popular books I see on Amazon to read may not be necesarrily the best places for research and people have the difference of being able to notice information of quality out of all those different things and understand things in their specfic contexts.

Edited May 12, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[Nahm]

@WaterfallMachine Stop discounting it and start learning about it. Maybe I can help recommend the right book. What books have you read about this so far?

Edited May 13, 2017 by Nahm

[SOUL]

The way you are thinking and feeling about it is understandable.

People close to you in real life, they are more likely to hear things they don't agree with and still be respectful with you.

On the internet the electronic separation and relative anonymity allows people to be less respectful with others and it seems they have less ability to stomach a differing opinion gracefully.

In this technological environment the attacks some will launch are vicious and the escalating outrage over insignificant words is the norm.

So it's understandable if someone would want to avoid attracting the ire of people who find words so intolerable they cannot restrain themselves.

Some people thrive in this climate, they enjoy the hostility, welcome the attention even if it's negative and seek out the controversial topics to empower themselves in self aggrandizement by it.

Although, it seems you are more empathetic of others and don't wish to instigate harsh feelings from just words so self censor.

Nobody else can decide for you what you can bear or what topics are suitable for you to express yourself on.

Find your peace and joy in doing whatever it is you choose to do.

[eskwire]

How correct and inclusive do you need to be before you can speak with confidence?  Your ego's just getting the best of you.  You either want a bunch of praise for being right and good, which is absurd and egoic, or you want to be in control of making everyone feel good, which is absurd and egoic.  You let it go by allowing the thoughts/opinions/feelings to exist within "your" mind, the same way you allow them (and even try to accommodate) in others. You are the others.  They are you.  Give yourself the same openness and acceptance so you won't have this unnecessary sense of conflict about *how things are supposed to be*.

[WaterfallMachine]

17 hours ago, Nahm said:

@WaterfallMachine Stop discounting it and start learning about it. Maybe I can help recommend the right book. What books have you read about this so far?

Well, currently I've been trying a more kind of exposure therapy approach to this. Try really small actions towards this over time. As well as figuring it out with cognitive behavioral therapy in questioning limiting beliefs. I remember reading a book on it long ago but Ive known this information for so long I've forgotten where I first read it. It's how I've gotten over my depression and anxiety long ago so I've grown familiar with it.

Another thing is an Enneagram perspective which if you don't know is a categorization of people's core motivations and core fears. That's a simplification but let's say my situation is included in there and I've read books on it by Beatrice Chestnut and Riso Hudson.

I've also explored mindfulness on acceptance and self esteem problems not from a book, but a payed program.

Both seems to have helped a lot really. But is there something more?

@SOUL

@eskwire

Actually, eskwire. I think it's a mix of both.

I wrote this plea to help and left after being anxious for hours. Then came back to hear you guys and for some reason I'm calmer. So I figured I'd try working on a potentially and possibly controversial article of mine for a larger audience. I'm not famous or anything but usually some areas on the internet have more views than others and I've been avoiding those for these kinds of things. So maybe I'll try this and see what happens. 

Oh boy.

Edit : Holy shit. I did it.

Edit : Thinking of doing it again. Haha. Nope. Not going to do that twice a day.

Edited May 14, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[Truth Seekah]

Quote

“Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.” ― Alan W. Watts