Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

If I simply unsubscribe to all the Youtube channels I would block then I can use the Youtube site relatively normally, clicking from one channel to the next. I can just not watch the videos on Youtube. Hmm maybe there is even a way around that when I only block the main youtube page specifically and not individual links. Hmm ..

[Jannes]

I keep on having good ideas today. 

Just tested the epilator on my hand. I thought it would be painful but almost not at all and super fast. Its a neat look. 

Now I thought about lasering my red spots on my face. I dont have any acne anymore since years but the redness remains. I can laser that away, why the hell havent I thought about that. Will have to look at the cost, but its probably worthed. 

[Jannes]

Cut my front hair as well and picked out some hair directly above my upper lip. 

Did some calculation that this is probably worthy for the rest of my life. If it doesnt grow back as plentyful maybe some beards will be less doable but I dont think I want them and all the other ones will be much easier and will look cleaner. 

[Jannes]

Because my focus is so much more spread compared to other people I entertain things which other people would filter out. Even things which I dont entertain as my own opinion. This is just me expressing my self but it triggers other people. 

[Jannes]

I need a device blocker for tonight. 

My sleep routine is unworkable for living with mortals. 

[Jannes]

3 minutes ago, Jannes said:

I need a device blocker for tonight. 

My sleep routine is unworkable for living with mortals. 

Done!

From 1am to 6am. In that time frame my Laptop is completly unusable until I unblock it with a text which takes 1 - 3min. I can just go to an AudioBook if I need some distraction, but that will be less impactful then my laptop. 

[Jannes]

So somehow I can watch videos of the Youtubers I unblocked on Youtube, even though the video links dont imbed the Youtuber themselves. It seems so at least. 

Now I downloaded Unhook so I dont get video recommendations for videos that could distract me. 

I am still very unsure on how I want to use Youtube with all of these options from now on. That I can watch Vlad Vexlers videos now seems like progress. 

[Jannes]

Nice the midnight blocker worked as intended. When I came home after a midnight gym session my Laptop was blocked so I listened to an Audio book on my Smartphone which made it logistically possible to go to bed and turn down the light which made me sleepy naturally. 

The only thing which needs some overwork is that I literally cant unblock my block. I loose complete access to my Laptop, even the access to unblock the block during that time. I dont have a perfect solution to it yet, the best thing I came up with now is a two layer system. I duplicated the block but gave it 1min of allowance for the blocked time period and no password to block it. And the old block I gave a 10min allowance. So I could use the one minute to unblock the dublicated block and then go on to unblock the old block (which has a long password) in the 10min allowance. Lets see how that works.

[Jannes]

Yesterday I ended the Audio Book "The 5 Love Languages". Liked the book, but really there was only one main insight in the whole book, which is that people express and receive love differently. We need to understand each others love language to make each other feel loved. 

Those are the five. I am still contmplating what my main love language is:

Words of Affirmation: probably important
Acts of Service: no idea
Physical Touch: kind of important
Quality Time: kind of important to very important
Giving Gifts: probably not important

And I dont understand this part about Giving Gifts: It is said that being there for someone in a bad time seemingly fits that category. That would make it maybe the most important thing but I would put it to quality time.

[Jannes]

Yesterdays note as I couldnt access the forum:

I didn't write my old theatre club friend whom I appreciate very much and I don't know why exactly. 
Well for one he is connected to the old theatre club, a powerful force which overwhelms me. 
Second I generally have a lot of problems letting people close to me. 

Now I get the thought that our encounter was mostly about him seeing that he was not the problem for me leaving the old theatre club so he was good.

Not free love but a developed version of conditional love perhaps. 

[Jannes]

I feel no motivation whatsoever atm. Just want to sleep. 

[Jannes]

I think I need a job. 

It would likely make me MORE productive then I am right now, because I get up more. It would also give me a perspective of what I could do with my university degree. 

Atm I am soely focused on RV. If it works great. But even then I probably want some kind of balance. Some hard structure like a shitty job which is relatively chill and with relatively low responsibility is great to built around. 

[Jannes]

Whoa, I dont understand a word but whoa !!

 

[Nemra]

24 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Whoa, I don't understand a word but whoa !!

I know, right?

I found out that it's based on the following song called Italodisco:

However, I prefer the Georgian version. It feels mysterious.

Edited Sunday at 11:23 PM by Nemra

[Jannes]

12 hours ago, Nemra said:

I know, right?

I found out that it's based on the following song called Italodisco:

However, I prefer the Georgian version. It feels mysterious.

Yeah I like the other one more as well. 

[Jannes]

The midnight blocker works.

I still wake up late, but it was worse before.

I just need my 9 hours it seems like so its better to get to bed early.

I feel more composed. Stable-ish in a way.

[Jannes]

There is a level of distraction I never wanted to touch, which is the hardware itself. Even with all the blocks in the world, I can still squeeze out distraction from my Laptop and smartphone. Now that I had this hard block at midnight for my laptop I really felt how a lot of distraction was gone all of the sudden. My smartphone couldnt compensate for that. Maybe I should block my whole Laptop more. But then maybe I will just find ways to get more out of my smartphone more. Should I limit that as well then .. ? What will I do the whole day if that is all blocked .. OOoohh  thats the point!

[Jannes]

RV was never easy but I feel like I am going mad atm. Possibly because I refreshed my approach which made it uncomfortable. My head cant overtake, I have to be fully in the moment. 

I experimented a bit with drawing randomly as that was more stimulating then slowly drawing a line and I lost focus there. But this approach also doesnt really work. The candle also not that much today. 

I am not writing my insights down when doing RV but there are still so many loaded emotions going on inside me when I finally need to get in the present moment. Maybe I just need to get more comfortable with zero distraction.

 

Edited yesterday at 02:10 PM by Jannes

[Jannes]

I have got a meeting with my trainer tomorrow. I should prepare a few questions.

1) Are there focus techniques which are also stimulating?

2) I dont know what to do when I immediately get a picture in my head after viewing the essence when I should view something that asks for a picture like a form. So how do I seperate an authentic essence in picture form from my mind distracting me in his usual picture form?

[Jannes]

Impro acting didnt go well today, I had no drive. 

That I didnt have university before probably didnt help. 

..

Men I have the picture of a homeless person with a lot of snodder running down her nose in my mind. I saw this scene a week ago where a homeless person had thick snodder running down her nose while she was eating. Maybe it was mixing with her food. It was just too much for me. I dont know how to get red of that picture in my head, I tried to go through it but its like I am hitting a hard wall inside my mind which doesnt want to process it lol. 

Edited yesterday at 09:04 PM by Jannes