7.85g Shroom Trip Report

[LifeEnjoyer]

Yes, Leo recommended me to stop taking psychedelics' for a few years.

But recently I got addicted to an obscure pill (phenibut), lost all my friends, quit all my healthy habits and thought this was my last shot of quitting the addiction and getting my life back on track.

Here's the report:

The tripping effects took place soon after consumption. I did a round of Wim Hof when I could really start to feel the effects. I put on some cyberpunk ambience playing and when the thunder + rain sound effects started happening it was almost as if they were happening in real life. So soon after the breathing though I had some trembling effects in my body and I just thought to sit back, fully surrender and open my body. The feelings and sensations overtook me so quick it felt like I was blasting off. At some point when I had connected the dots that God created my ego, I had a glimpse into God-realization. All of the sudden the entire world was in my hands and I had the power to drastically change the course of the future. 

I just kept saying to myself "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God." At this point the movement in my body was almost uncontrollable as I felt this deep deep desire to get up and start making change NOW. I can start loving others more, right now, was what I was thinking. I had to remain calm though as my parents were downstairs while I was in my bed, and I decided to stay put.

When thinking of how to love more, visions of my parents, girlfriends, and my siblings all came up and all I wanted to do was share my presence with them, which at the current moment, my presence was overflowing with love. This is where some delusion came into play as I started thinking that this feeling would last forever, spoiler alert: they didn't. There were also visions I had of me doing stand up comedy at bar I usually go to (which is my LP, to open people's minds to spirituality through laughter) where I wasn't saying anything specific I was just filling the room up with my love, and the crowd loved it back.

So this deep feeling of wanting to change the world came over me because, well, I am the world! Nothing has ever lit a fire like this within me before so I knew I had to something get off my ass, which previous trips had failed to do. So now back to the original realization, ego + God are both equally God. I was just getting lost in thoughts of "OMG THIS IS SO PROFOUND" as I was literally drooling all over my bed. Then there's a lot of details I'm forgetting because, to be honest it was very hard to remain, present throughout throughout this trip? It was just so much, perhaps a little too much. At time I was literally writhing around my bed in ecstacy.

Eventually, to "test" my awakening, I thought, I'll let go of this awakening as my ultimate final move but nothing really happened and I ended up whipping out Leo's tutorial on how to recognize I am God, to make sure I had all the boxes checked off (so much for letting it go, LOL). I was just amazed at how lucky I was to have this God-tier setup with a fully functioning laptop, a comfy full-sized bed, and yeah I just felt very grateful.

After 30 minutes of watching Leo's video I was probably peaking during this time of the trip (I have no clue, I lost all recognition of time within this trip) it was really hard for me to even pay attention so I just shut my laptop down because I thought I had the realization already. 

This is when I started contemplating on how my life situation is, my dad had blessed me with $50 and I immediately splurged on buying shrooms with it, knowing full well I was running out of these pills soon, nor would my dad have approved of this purchase. Then Japanese class came up and about how I've been lying to my parents about how I stayed in it, when the truth is I dropped it a month ago. It was like all my lies and dirty deeds were coming to face me and this really brought me out of my "God-realization". I just started feeling really disgusted with myself, as if all these decisions were actually mine I was making, and that I wasn't some puppet on a string.

As the tripping effects came to a close, 6 hours later (I was actually able to check the time now) reality started settling back in and I was back to square one, no God-realization, just Owen. 

So while my decision to impulsively take a heroic dose of shrooms within 24 hours may have not been the best idea, I'm still feeling fired up, yet a bit sad which I think are just withdrawal effects from the pills I was taking (which I have completely stopped, btw). In the future, I'd like to plan out these trips more in advance, as it was heavily impromptu, as well as follow my gut feeling more, as from the drive home with the shrooms, my gut was telling me not take them and listen to it.

I'm very grateful for the experience and for now, I'm just focusing on the fundamentals again, going to the gym, eating well, sleeping well, and just overall living a more holistic lifestyle. Like @CARDOZZO said, "Keep a meditation practice while mastering survival." 

Thank you, I know this whole post is a crime against actualized.org, and I am deeply sorry, mainly to myself but also to Leo, all his work on making sure people treat psychedelics' with respect and I just shit all over it. Sorry @Leo Gura! I'm 100% committed to remaining off psychadelics for a few years (or longer) while I master survival. Thank you!

[RendHeaven]

nooo not japanese class 😭

[LifeEnjoyer]

3 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

nooo not japanese class 😭

Was I being a bit dramatic? LOL

[Mohammad]

Take care and survive, so you can do more shrooms bro!

[RendHeaven]

22 hours ago, LifeEnjoyer said:

Was I being a bit dramatic? LOL

Other way around; I'm actually sad that you stopped taking japanese haha

now that its been a few days, has anything shifted for you? Or is life still messed up

[LifeEnjoyer]

9 hours ago, Mohammad said:

Take care and survive, so you can do more shrooms bro!

Thanks you too!

7 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Other way around; I'm actually sad that you stopped taking japanese haha

now that its been a few days, has anything shifted for you? Or is life still messed up

My bad, I never know how to interpret those emojis so I interpreted them as you joking, LOL. Yeah I was bummed to drop it too, but I'll have the opportunity to take it again next year!

No shifts or anything. Just an increased level in mindfulness and a greater desire to fulfill my LP