Random thoughts

[Schizophonia]

25 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Aww that’s sweet of you . I can’t imagine your perspective either 

It's normal. 

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

It's normal. 

Your pov is normal exactly 

[Schizophonia]

2 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Your pov is normal exactly 

Ahah no i responded to the first sentence.

But yeah my pov is "normal", it seems like now your POV is more like a camera sitting in a void, stuck in the perception stage. 

If it means something. 

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Ahah no i responded to the first sentence.

But yeah my pov is "normal", it seems like now your POV is more like a camera sitting in a void, stuck in the perception stage. 

If it means something. 

I know you responded to first sentence I was just messing with you.

dont know what you mean by perception stage but it doesn’t matter

 

[Sugarcoat]

54:

A banger

 

[Schizophonia]

 

14 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

54:

A banger

 

So this is what the dance sessions between cousins after the meditation are like 🧐

[Schizophonia]

15 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I know you responded to first sentence I was just messing with you.

dont know what you mean by perception stage but it doesn’t matter

 

Ok dac.

[Sugarcoat]

54 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

 

So this is what the dance sessions between cousins after the meditation are like 🧐

I was joking😹

[Schizophonia]

5 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I was joking😹

pov: you insisted on buying her that last cocktail

 

- "..."

 

-"shaking that ass ! (👉ﾟヮﾟ)👉 " (with Swedish accent*)

 

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

pov: you insisted on buying her that last cocktail

 

- "..."

 

-"shaking that ass ! (👉ﾟヮﾟ)👉 " (with Swedish accent*)

 

I swear

[Schizophonia]

@Sugarcoat I went to supermarket and felt on this.

It’s clearly a sign of god to say you to buy it, for extra dopamine and kg of sweetness for the visual pleasure of a certain french wizard.

100% guaranteed.

Edited January 8 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

@Sugarcoat I went to supermarket and felt on this.

It’s clearly a sign of god to say you to buy it, for extra dopamine and kg of sweetness.

100% guaranteed.

I’ve seen that but it seems unhealthy 

[Schizophonia]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

I’ve seen that but it seems unhealthy 

It's just any spread.

Then joke aside it is incorporated here and there into a balanced diet.

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

It's just any spread.

Then joke aside it is incorporated here and there into a balanced diet.

I will see if I ever try it

[Schizophonia]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

I will see if I ever try it

Do what you want 😉 I just wanted to tease you a bit.

 

I never eat spread myself. 

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Schizophonia said:

Do what you want 😉 I just wanted to tease you a bit.

 

I never eat spread myself. 

Thanks I see you’re trying to cheer me up. Or not. 

[Schizophonia]

7 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Thanks I see you’re trying to cheer me up. 

For the pleasure of heavy flirting as usual.

Btw i can stop that and keep it in pm if it's a problem.
It doesn't matter.

Edited January 8 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

55:

What keeps people going through adversity? Maintaining a strong mindset.

Something I think about sometimes is what keeps people going through adversity. And about maintaining a strong mindset.

This past year has been the worst in my life, and I have been having regular suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it’s so bad I’ll have suicidal thoughts from the morning I wake up until I go to sleep pretty much. 
 

I have like two sides of me. One that has some strength to keep pushing forward, and another that is “weak” , has no strength and wants to end my life. I don’t even wanna call it weak, I see it more as a reasonable reaction to the circumstances I’m in which I won’t go into here because it’s too weird even for this forum. 
 

Maintaining a “strong” mindset is so hard and I feel it doesn’t last long until it crumbles. What I mean by a strong mindset is a mindset that makes you  persevere through adversity. The opposite would be a mindset that wants to end your life instead of persevering through the adversity. I manage to maintain this “strong” mindset for a little while, then it always crumbles and I’m back in suicidal thinking. And so it goes, oscillating between the two.

I have wondered to myself what keeps other people going through adversity instead of ending it or at least thinking of ending it. I hear of cases worse than what I’m currently in wondering how those people keep going while I can barely stand my own situation right now. 
 

I have some theories.

1. Attachments. I feel peoples attachments could keep them going. For example being attached to their own family, and not wanting them to suffer if they die. This is something I lack, I’m not attached to anyone so no person is a reason for me to keep going.

2. Other attachments. I wonder if people have a kind of attachment to life itself. Or to themselves. They are attached to living, to being a person that is a part of the world, being a part of society. They have a “life” in the conventional sense, having friends, hobbies, partners, interests and they are attached to experiencing these things. I don’t really have this that much, because most of the time I’m severely disconnected from myself so it’s like I almost don’t exist at all.

3. Good mental health. When people are dealing with physical pain but have good mental health then their good mental health is like a good foundation they stand on and the physical pain is something that bothers this good foundation but not enough so it crumbles and as long as they are able to maintain good mental health it’s a good enough foundation that gives them a reason to keep living. I don’t really have this because of a reason I described before.

3. Having a reason to go through the pain. Sometimes great pain comes from something great. So for example if a woman is giving birth and is in great pain, her reason for keeping going is that she will have a wonderful baby out of it. Also if someone has had a surgery and are in great pain their reason is that they are in the healing process.

4. Attachment to self image. Im going to use David Goggins as an example here. He has this desire to be “the baddest motherfucker” that is a self image he desires to have, and having this self image entails he preserves through adversity and in his extreme case ever PUTS HIMSELF through adversity (the extreme training) . So he needs to do those things to maintain this self image he has created for himself that he is attached to. He is even afraid of not achieving this greatness, of being old and not having reached his full potential. His case is extreme, but I’ve seen some cases of people having this self image of being “tough” and being attached to this image so this keeping them persevering through adversity. I don’t have this as I don’t have a desire to be “tough”.

5. Knowing it’s temporary. This one is a bit difficult for me to swallow. Some things for me are to unbearable to go through even if they are only temporary. So I’m having a hard time seeing how someone could have this as a reason to keep persevering. Because when something is horrible time slows down and it feels like forever. That is a very strong mindset to have, this mindset of it only being temporary. 

In my case I feel the only reason I’m alive today is that my situation hasn’t become “bad enough”. I don’t have a reason to live, there is nothing that I love, there’s no self image I’m attached to , nor a person, or other things. I don’t know if I would wanna switch places with someone with a “stronger” mindset, or who has attachments, because I hear about these horrible things people go through and I know myself enough to know I would much rather die than go through that.  For example there’s this disease called trigeminal neuralgia which causes horrific pain regularly. Many people with that disease commit suicide apparently, and I know myself enough to know I’d be one of them. I don’t really understand those who persevere through that, but I can imagine that some of the reason I highlighted above could explain it a little. 
 

Hope you enjoyed reading. Thanks

Edited January 8 by Sugarcoat

[Schizophonia]

19 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

55:

What keeps people going through adversity? Maintaining a strong mindset.

Something I think about sometimes is what keeps people going through adversity. And about maintaining a strong mindset.

This past year has been the worst in my life, and I have been having regular suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it’s so bad I’ll have suicidal thoughts from the morning I wake up until I go to sleep pretty much. 
 

I have like two sides of me. One that has some strength to keep pushing forward, and another that is “weak” , has no strength and wants to end my life. I don’t even wanna call it weak, I see it more as a reasonable reaction to the circumstances I’m in which I won’t go into here because it’s too weird even for this forum. 
 

Maintaining a “strong” mindset is so hard and I feel it doesn’t last long until it crumbles. What I mean by a strong mindset is a mindset that makes you  persevere through adversity. The opposite would be a mindset that wants to end your life instead of persevering through the adversity. I manage to maintain this “strong” mindset for a little while, then it always crumbles and I’m back in suicidal thinking. And so it goes, oscillating between the two.

I have wondered to myself what keeps other people going through adversity instead of ending it or at least thinking of ending it. I hear of cases worse than what I’m currently in wondering how those people keep going while I can barely stand my own situation right now. 
 

I have some theories.

1. Attachments. I feel peoples attachments could keep them going. For example being attached to their own family, and not wanting them to suffer if they die. This is something I lack, I’m not attached to anyone so no person is a reason for me to keep going.

2. Other attachments. I wonder if people have a kind of attachment to life itself. Or to themselves. They are attached to living, to being a person that is a part of the world, being a part of society. They have a “life” in the conventional sense, having friends, hobbies, partners, interests and they are attached to experiencing these things. I don’t really have this that much, because most of the time I’m severely disconnected from myself so it’s like I almost don’t exist at all.

3. Good mental health. When people are dealing with physical pain but have good mental health then their good mental health is like a good foundation they stand on and the physical pain is something that bothers this good foundation but not enough so it crumbles and as long as they are able to maintain good mental health it’s a good enough foundation that gives them a reason to keep living. I don’t really have this because of a reason I described before.

3. Having a reason to go through the pain. Sometimes great pain comes from something great. So for example if a woman is giving birth and is in great pain, her reason for keeping going is that she will have a wonderful baby out of it. Also if someone has had a surgery and are in great pain their reason is that they are in the healing process.

4. Attachment to self image. Im going to use David Goggins as an example here. He has this desire to be “the baddest motherfucker” that is a self image he desires to have, and having this self image entails he preserves through adversity and in his extreme case ever PUTS HIMSELF through adversity (the extreme training) . So he needs to do those things to maintain this self image he has created for himself that he is attached to. He is even afraid of not achieving this greatness, of being old and not having reached his full potential. His case is extreme, but I’ve seen some cases of people having this self image of being “tough” and being attached to this image so this keeping them persevering through adversity. I don’t have this as I don’t have a desire to be “tough”.

5. Knowing it’s temporary. This one is a bit difficult for me to swallow. Some things for me are to unbearable to go through even if they are only temporary. So I’m having a hard time seeing how someone could have this as a reason to keep persevering. Because when something is horrible time slows down and it feels like forever. That is a very strong mindset to have, this mindset of it only being temporary. 

In my case I feel the only reason I’m alive today is that my situation hasn’t become “bad enough”. I don’t have a reason to live, there is nothing that I love, there’s no self image I’m attached to , nor a person, or other things. I don’t know if I would wanna switch places with someone with a “stronger” mindset, or who has attachments, because I hear about these horrible things people go through and I know myself enough to know I would much rather die than go through that.  For example there’s this disease called trigeminal neuralgia which causes horrific pain regularly. Many people with that disease commit suicide apparently, and I know myself enough to know I’d be one of them. I don’t really understand those who persevere through that, but I can imagine that some of the reason I highlighted above could explain it a little. 
 

Hope you enjoyed reading. Thanks

I have way to much ego for serious suicidal thoughts, whatever the suffering.

It's like : "After everything i've been through, i can't just die like this."

This narcissistic rage is enough on its own and even more than all the points clarified, even if it is technically the shadow, i guess.

Edited January 8 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Schizophonia said:

I have way to much ego for serious suicidal thoughts, whatever the suffering.

It's like : "After everything i've been through, i can't just die like this."

This narcissistic rage is enough on its own and even more than all the points clarified, even if it is technically the shadow, i guess.

What do you mean by having way too much ego ?