I’m Done With This Dating Game

[r0ckyreed]

Thanks everyone for your responses so far! I have read them all and am still going to try to implement each of them. 

My plans are to go out this coming Friday to karaoke night. I consider myself really good at singing and dancing. I was thinking of using this to my advantage and going to karaoke and then going to a country dancing bar. I will try to just learn how to enjoy myself alone in a crowd of people and then approach women to dance and then talk to them at karaoke.

When I was first writing this post, I was very emotional but am now thinking more logically. I am reframing it as people are too afraid to approach me because of my great looks and personality rather than because I am a worthless human. I just have to realize that people are too afraid to initiate with me and I can grow my courage by initiating. I realize that initiating will help me with my confidence, and I can still feel valued by women depending on how they respond to my initiation.

Any other suggestions?

[r0ckyreed]

9 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I have been out solo probably 300 nights at least. There's nothing weird about it. If someone asks, own it.

''Who are you here with?''

''Im here alone. I love meeting new people and my friends didn't wanna come out tonight. So I thought I'd rather come out to socialize than cry myself to sleep ''

Other than that, start just chatting people, small-talk with people, you don't have to keep the conversations very long. You can keep them brief. Then wish them a fun night and you'll see them around. And move on to the next people. As you gain more social momentum and feel more comfortable in the venue, you can do more bold stuff like flirting and approaching hotter girls.

Key is not judging who you approach. At least not in the beginning of the night when you are getting yourself into the mood of the night.

Thanks man! Any suggestions on how to start this small-talk stuff with people who are already engaging in conversations?

Maybe I could approach a few women talking and saying "Excuse me, am I interrupting something? How is your night so far? What do you call a Cow who is afraid to talk? Cow-Word (Coward)."

[Princess Arabia]

6 hours ago, Yousif said:

men feel the same way when approaching women though, this doesn’t say that men SHOULD be the one’s initiating, they also don’t want to ring up the girls phone to try and sell her things she don’t want.

I respect all that you had to say and I understand your pov. I still stick to what I'm saying, keeping in mind there are always exceptions to any rule. Not saying this is a rule, just a figure of speech. 

Yes, men will feel that way too. I used the telemarketing example but getting a girl's number is at least a start and shows she MIGHT be interested. Not always. So you take it from there. Hold a convo and maybe set up a date. See where it goes.

6 hours ago, Yousif said:

Isn’t funny how men and women are basically the same and feel the same way about things and yet struggle to approach each other without one feeling like their value is being diminished,

This is not a true statement. Anyone who understands the differences will tell you otherwise including John Gray who wrote the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. As humans, yes, and certain general characteristics that both sexes share but when it comes to intimacy, relationships and sex we are not the same. Each individual has their own unique personality and likes and dislikes pertaining to relationships etc, but there are vast differences between the two. It's just how nature intended. Even nature has differences between its feminine and masculine characteristics. There's a reason for that. 

 

6 hours ago, Yousif said:

this tells me that people really don’t know themselves, if they did, they would be able to relate to others in an authentic and comfortable way.

It's not about knowing ourselves or not. How many people are idiots, assholes, insecure, liars, manipulators and all the negative traits people have, if they knew these things about themselves how does that make for better relations with others. If that's the case then they'll just be better at being assholes, idiots, liars, manipulators to others in a comfortable way. So this statement doesn't hold up. Even if they had very positive traits, we're still dealing with other beings who have their own personalities and have traumas and issues and insecurities etc. It's being comfortable in your own skin and not be influenced by fearful thoughts and insecurities we have about ourselves. 

 

6 hours ago, Yousif said:

I’ve had many girls and women approach me instead of me approaching them, this doesn’t make me feel feminine or that they’re lowering their value, it doesn’t matter who approaches who, but if you want more sex and more relationships, then you better go after it, although there are people that master the art of having girls approach them, by social status, money,fame, looks, and things of that sort.

I'm not saying girls don't approach at all, some do but it's not the norm or we wouldn't even be discussing this. I'll tell you this, though, just about everyone I've heard guys say this, the next sentence that comes after is but she wasn't my type. Even Thought Art, our mod, said that in his thread about going out last night. Every time i've seen it on here too, but she wasn't my type. At the same token, I've seen guys say how they were attracted to a girl that was not normally their type and went for it. Not always, but subconsciously guys will like the idea and it boosts their self-esteem and make them feel good but it's not a trait that most masculine men find attractive in women. Automatically, she's not going to be your type for that reason alone, unless she's super hot or really your type, but the value still went down. I even read on here where a guy said he slept with a 9 then slept with a 10 and now the 9 looks like a 7. If a man doesn't have to work for something he finds valuable it doesn't become as valuable to him if it came too easy. 

It's all good when you're young and cute and teenagers are all over you and beenie bop girls are coming on to you or drunk girls or girls who are just being playful, but i'm speaking on a much higher level. It's just how we're made to survive, not just physically but to keep the species motivated to keep this reproduction thing going and the attraction process, in so many words. Study animals and it's the same kind of thing.

[Miguel1]

27 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

Thanks man! Any suggestions on how to start this small-talk stuff with people who are already engaging in conversations?

Maybe I could approach a few women talking and saying "Excuse me, am I interrupting something? How is your night so far? What do you call a Cow who is afraid to talk? Cow-Word (Coward)."

This is something you gotta develop on your own. We all have our own styles that fits our personality. But the key is to get their attention in a positive manner.

As a dancer, I sometimes go up to them and twerk my ass and shake my tits to them and give them the look. Sometimes I might even pull out my nipple to show them, if I have a shirt with an open neck. The look is the key.

Sometimes I growl at them without saying anything and give them the look. Sometimes I meow at them.

Sometimes I'm just ''OOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GODD!!!''  with my whole body language as well. And they're ''WHat?!'' and I'm: ''Nothing. What's up?'' with a straight face.

Sometimes I might sing happy birthday..................... TO ME.................... in 3 months.

Sometimes I yell at them ''BALLS!''

Sometimes I tell them that I love them and want to get married to them

Sometimes I tell them that they look like dragons

A girl I approached a while ago was clearly a gym-girl. I opened her with saying ''you look like you would beat the shit out of me and throw me around in bed to the walls, and fuck me in the ass with a strap-on''. She was dying of laughter from that.

It doesn't really matter. As long as you are having fun with them.

But I am very congruent in doing these. And the key is that I am self-amusing myself while doing this. I do it cuz I find it hilarious more so than that I want them to open.

But tbh, these are all more advanced shit. I am saying these just to show you that it's not that serious.

----

For you, you can start practicing with just '''heey, whats up guys?'' with a smile. Since it is kinda boring open, you gotta carry the conversation with follow-up comments / statements / observations / questions until they are more invested. 

Another one is ''heeey, you guys look very lovely!''

When it comes to follow-up questions, a good rule of thumb is: question-answer-tease. Ideally you don't ask 2 questions in a row. NEVER 3. Tease them about their answer. This way it doesn't turn interviewy.

Some simple follow-ups:

''Have you guys had a fun night?''

''Where are you from'' / ''you look Chinese / x''

''You seem like x''

Use your common sense and come up with some stuff to say. Have fun with it. This is not tedious work.

---

Ultimately, what you need to do is just get used to approaching people in general. All of these shit won't be in your conscious memory when you are actually there conversing with people.

Get used to doing bunch of brief, short approaches first and then we can work on other next-step stuff.

On a final note, as a beginner, you don't really have to be in a club for more than 1-2 hours per night. If you are there for 4+ hours, it can become very overwhelming which can discourage you a lot. Start slow and slowly build it up.

Edited March 17 by Miguel1

[Princess Arabia]

35 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

I absolutely love philosophy and questioning reality. What about you? What do you find most amazing about reality?" I will try something like that

Noooooooooooooo, dont you dare start an approach like that. What's wrong with you. Can't you hold off on yourself for awhile and not get into your wonderful philosophical talks that may or may not bore or scare some chick away. Be playful, spontaneous, go with the flow, be in the moment. Whatever is happening around you at the time speak on that, the music, the people there, talk about the place you're at, ask her where she's from, tell her where your're from blah blah blah. 

Save that other shit for later even if it's the most important thing to you. Get over yourself in these moments and pay attention to what's happening then and now. 

[Yimpa]

A game is meant to be fun and enjoyable. If the game your playing just brings you pain and suffering it’s time to pick up a new game to play 

[Princess Arabia]

33 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

Maybe I could approach a few women talking and saying "Excuse me, am I interrupting something? How is your night so far? What do you call a Cow who is afraid to talk? Cow-Word (Coward)."

Don't ask, am I interrupting something because you are, but it doesn't matter if its a nightclub, bar or something of the sort, that's the beauty about these places you can just talk to people without a reason, just talk but make it spontaneous and flowy. How you're saying it here is too polished and please NO WHAT DO YOU CALL A .......JOKES. You had to even explain your joke in parentheses, hehe. 

[Princess Arabia]

3 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

A game is meant to be fun and enjoyable. If the game your playing just brings you pain and suffering it’s time to pick up a new game to play 

Or change the way you play the game.

 

[Princess Arabia]

20 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

A girl I approached a while ago was clearly a gym-girl. I opened her with saying ''you look like you would beat the shit out of me and throw me around in bed to the walls, and fuck me in the ass with a strap-on''. She was dying of laughter from that.

This works because you're cute and it takes balls to say something like that to a girl, it shows confidence that, you're not trying to impress and shows you're fun to be around and don't rake things too seriously.

If a guy had a certain demeanor about him, he was nervous, looked a certain way and had some inner intention of just wanting to fuck her and that's it, it definitely wouldn't work. But yeah, I could see you pulling off something like that to the right kind of girl.

[Miguel1]

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

This works because you're cute and it takes balls to say something like that to a girl, it shows confidence that, you're not trying to impress and shows you're fun to be around and don't rake things too seriously.

If a guy had a certain demeanor about him, he was nervous, looked a certain way and had some inner intention of just wanting to fuck her and that's it, it definitely wouldn't work. But yeah, I could see you pulling off something like that to the right kind of girl.

Yes, of course. That’s why I mentioned that these are more advanced stuff. The goal was just to show him that he doesn’t need to overthink.

Just a simple ”heyooo, what’s up guys” or ”Heyy, you look very lovely!” - both with a smile works fine