Aquarius

Then why do we do anything? Why do we do them for? Well, what's the meaning of relationships and friendships for example? Why are we making friends? Many people nowadays want to be my friend and I'm left there scratching my head about the why.

What do you mean by that? Well, ok.

Try this

Damn..

I went to a psychologist and I felt really depressed afterwards. It isn't helping. But I feel like I need help sometimes. I felt loved and respected by people before, but now it all starts to fade and I developed anger issues. Is this a normal reaction?

Thank you this was interesting to read. I still don't understand why am I being called gay? Everyone automatically calls me gay. Is liking a guy being gay if you're a girl? What do you all mean? Was it me being sentimental about my dream? Girls hit on me for some reason sometimes, even friends, but I'm not gay so I always find that disturbing most times. I can see what you mean, because many girls that are usually into guys will at some point drool if they see a girl that catches their interest, but will deny it when asked about it. I don't have any problems with gay people though, never had. Many of my friends confess me that they're gay and I'm always the first to know about it, I never tell anyone though. But it's really funny how for no reason I'm always the gay. Just a few weeks ago I called a good friend of mine and we talked about psychology and I said I like psychology and he was like 'enough, you're gay then'. What. And just a few days ago my partner wanted to watch porn with me and I told him a clear no, so he suggested we watch girl on girl. And I was confused and he said he knows I like that, and I was even more confused and said I don't like porn. I noticed on actualized that everyone talks about being gay. I wasn't online for some time, did I miss something? On a sidenote, I used to feel that I'm weak when I was younger but now that I'm 21 it's all gone I think. I think it goes away with age and by going with the flow. I simply stopped giving importance to 'other people', and by that I mean people that might have a problem with me for no reason, and now they don't. And about being gay, I used to tell people that I'm gay in the past. I don't know why. The reaction was that they stared at me with distorted faces and then blew their cigarette lost in thought. I liked that. I don't think people are gay because they are unstable, maybe it's the other way around, they are unstable because people don't accept them. Depends on the culture also. It's ok, he needed to open up to someone. What I was most interested about is the tree in my dream, because I was assuming it had something to do with the Yggdrasil. Auntyflo has some information on her website. "Roots can also symbolize unconscious or mental energy in your life; as well roots are often used in grounding and relaxation exercises when you practice yoga or meditation. Seeing a tree and the roots and the entire body together will reflect a desire for family or familial connections as related to a family tree." "A warning is that perhaps you are settling down roots that you won’t be happy with in the future, and you want to consider the people that you are getting attached to, or possibly negative habits that are going to be counter effective or unproductive for you in the future.' "This dream is in association with the following scenarios in your life... Starting a family. Planning for the future. Getting too close to negative influences or people. Doing drugs or unhealthy habits that will cause problems for you. Traveling. Feelings that you may have encountered during a dream of roots… Stable. Affirmed. True. Balanced. Awe. Impressed. Neat. Prepared. Busy. Sore. Hurt." I highlighted what was relevant. Another website says: "Depending on a season (winter, summer, spring, autumn), dreams about trees are interpreted as symbols related to the beginning of a new relationship or exciting and fulfilling career..." The dream was mid-spring. Something like this: And the weirdest part is that I was some floating void or consciousness and not a person in my dream. Just a mere observer.

@Nahm Wow that's interesting. I will have to think about it. What do you mean he is me? (in the dream) I will need to think about what insults me about him. I think his whole presence, for whatever reason. Whenever he showed up in my friends group I usually found a weak excuse and went home. I think it's his quietness. It's like someone holds up a mirror close to your face and forces you to look in it. He simply infuriates me. I don't know but there's a part of me that sees him like some close member of some tribe or something. Figuratively speaking, tribe. I hate him so much but I want to maybe observe him from distance if I see him, and well I liked to occasionally ask him if he's ok... idk I care too much. I remember once I was with my best friend (a girl) by the river and he (the guy) and some random girl appeared out of nothing and were walking there and my friend said "uh... well, I'm terribly sorry please don't be sad don't look at them", but whatever, I think I was smiling like an idiot or something. What made you conclude that I only like him for his looks? I enjoy his personality, it's just the way I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry every time he talked with me. I don't know why. He made me anxious and depressed.

I think I'm gay.

Thank you. @Aeris I'm a girl.

Maybe you need some alone time to rethink the whole situation. It's not okay to drain her that way, If she needs to study, tell her ok, you see her another day. It's really that simple. She really tries to build her future that's why she studies, you should too. She's not there to entertain you. Seeing her once or twice a week tops should be fairly enough.

It's a shame that I got so much intuitive knowledge about my body, but then I'm not doing anything fruitful with it . I thought workout would be a very good option to get my energy levels handled. I naturally do up to 3-5 hours of cardio per day (either active meditation practice/visualization practice oe just dance to shake off the stress), but I feel the need for something extra. I have certain posture imbalances too that need to get handled. Comments are welcome! [I'll leave this here to copy-paste for future posts. If you find it helpful, feel free to use it!] [workout] What the workout was about: Type of exercises: Satisfaction level: Music: [meal] Food: Drink: [weight] Weight:

"Me versus them"-thinking only separates.

@Pilgrim What I tried to point you towards is that you find faults in yourself instead and act as if those men had some special powers just because they are quiet and thoughtful. Most men are quiet and thoughtful. Why is being quiet and thoughtful any better than being vibrant and energetic? In both cases these attributes are mere characteristics! Try not revealing too much about yourself at once. Let your energies speak with each other instead.

Men go on no-fap because for some men masturbation becomes a bad habit. And when you can masturbate you have no need to meet women and form healthy relationships. And you end up chasing fantasy images of women not real women. Visualization is only powerful when you translate it to real life actions afterwards.

2/17/19 Breakfast - cheese, orange

The state of complete emptiness and peace within. What is it?

@cetus56 It's not good or bad, it's nothing. What is it?

Not all gay men like feminine men. Some gay men are literally hairy cavemen. And that's ok.

But I've been in this state for the last couple of days!

Thank you. I did.

Between Life and Death A letter to my body I'm sorry I played tricks with you. I'm sorry I pushed you to limits that were inhumane. And you persisted, you never left me. I would've deserved to be left to death, but you kept me alive. I don't know why is this. Why are you so kind with me? It's not a matter of deserving, as I don't. I take each breath as it were my last, and I look through blinding eyes and blots of color are all that I see right now. Searching for something external to hold onto in these times of hanging, the hanging between regret and inaction. Searching for something to give you but you refuse everything now. You were always my best friend, and you are so beautiful. And you always were. I failed to recognize this. Even in these times of sickness and despair you never leave me. I don't want you to. This is serious matter and you cannot give up.. I can give you a tea maybe. Would it have any use for you? Could you use it to make something beautiful out of it? You're cold. No one cared about you, and I tortured you. But you persist. How calm you can be in these times of pain.. You were teaching people patience with your every move today. Very nice, you served me well. Maybe it's time to dress you into something that would flatter you. Something that you can sleep in. I love you a lot. You are my everything. You can be very playful. I just watch you in those times... You never hesitate to tell a need, but I refused to give it to you. I've been evil towards you all this time. Forgive me now. You deserve more and I've been letting you down lately. I used you and abused you. Now I need you more than ever. I understand your need to hear something that is true. And the need to feel love and see beauty. And there's no excuses, I shall give you the opportunities to experience those before it's too late. You will be safe with me. We make good team. Be here with me for a little more...

Dinner: beans, fries, lemon juice, grapes, oranges Breakfast: cheese, grapes, banana I got some nasty inflammation of my entire body for whatever reason and I'm having headaches, not sure about the cause. I'm unable to work out, I'm in pain.

I thought Leo Gura means lion mouth.

@Nahm We made a test and it has brought up my past because it had questions for the last 6 months, and I change radically each day. It has slowed down my evolutionary process. I seriously tend to not care about my past, as if I got reborn or something. "You can have everything but you have no desires anymore. You can get all the answers but you have no questions anymore." I keep hearing this in my head when I ask myself what's the problem. I assume I lost something. But I don't know what. Lust for life, perhaps?

Yeah, the therapy helps a bit. I've only been like 3-4 times, it takes time. My mind is already empty. I have no idea what to write or type.