lmfao

@Tim R Thanks dude. I'll watch those two videos probably Yeah. What makes me hate myself is that I'm not even always doing spiritual work, but I still react like this to just small exposures. Thoughts about being weak and etc. But it is what it is. My mind is usually always in tension about suffering or in negativity, thinking about these things, so perhaps in a way all this negativity becomes the fuel for deep experiences when doing this work. So if that's so, I shouldn't hate myself for being weak. It's just that for a large portion of time in the day, issues like motivation and self improvement issues are always on my mind when I'm thinking and so in a way that's the invisible work I do. And then meditation or yoga is like an ignition or rapid explosion of all that I've karmically accumulated. Or that could be a fancy story I just typed. Whatever the case, these particulars don't matter.

@BjarkeT So you're thinking, deciding whether to go chess. You're wavering. Is it that you want to want to do one of the options that you've decided is better, but you can't get your heart behind it? And so it is then that you think that doing something you can't get your heart behind will make you miserable? But then you wonder if there's the possibility you can see beyond the misery and deconstruct it. Such situations like this, it's tough. The mind will fluctuate, you may decide something 1 minute but change your mind the next if the tension is that much. All you can do is not hate yourself for fluctuating and go with it. Let the pressurised gas expand.

@BipolarGrowth The making sense of it would be seeing what motivated me to have that thought.

Monday 07/09/2020 21:16 Just finished kriya yoga and meditation at the end. Hadn't done it in 3 days so it was good to do. But I felt a little something by the end when I was doing concentration. I think I realise one reason that I don't meditate regularly. I enter a strange state of consciousness, panic and want to forget about it almost. But I can't and shan't turn back. But my mind just panics at feeling certain things too deeply. That reality is unreal, or that I am a story, it's a lot to take in. Rather, my mind is going crazy just because the jump in consciousness between meditation and normal waking state is too much.

Good link. May I also recommend on this similar topic, "breakthrough speed reading " by Peter Kump. I've only done some of the chapters but it's pretty good. There are exercises and drills.

@Leo Gura Have you succeeded at changing your "permanent" state? When it comes to this brain chemistry stuff, are you quite fatalistic with it or optimistic? So neurology and brain chemistry, can this be meaningfully altered permanently? I've never been conscious of this God or everything is imagination and love stuff. My high states of consciousness have involved no-self (realising very strongly that there's nobody here but me in the most extreme case, temporarily finding my own reflection almost a stranger) , very rarely love + creation but those states have been lost to me in recent times for whatever reason. Which is maybe why I'm so confused. Maybe you've seen whacky stuff where you see God literally imagining the law of physics, I would have no clue. Now laws of physics, that's materialism, brain chemistry, psychedelics. I find it weird though that despite materialism being relative, it supposedly controls your ability to be awake and see through materialism. A seemingly logical mind fuck.

@Arzack BRUH THIS ENGLISH DUB SUCKS, I CAN'T BRO. But yeah, films a non-dual masterpiece

The End of Evangelion film.

I'm going to paste what I wrote to myself in my journal today, because I can't think of what else to say or ask other than to just put it out there and see the response _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ A lot of my shadow is sexual in nature. Sex itself, alongside the possible things that are possibly underneath the surface of these sexual forces, is very strange thing for me. My inclination towards this domain of reality from a very young age makes me reverent of the existence of alien and unknown qualities in nature. "karma", "the collective unconscious", these are different labels for desires, situations, that I myself don't feel I created more so I was thrown into. When I was 5 I discovered the adult channels on television. I would use the TV when I was alone at night. I felt drawn to the scantily clad women but I didn't know why. Not too soon after I connected a few dots, realised the concept of attraction. So I watched late night adult channels for a while to myself. When I was 6 I would use google to try and search for naked girls, although I didn't know porn existed and so I would just go on google images and search what my brain could think of "Hot naked ladies", something like that. ----- There's one thing I'm genuinely confused about from the details I do remember. Because whatever way I slice it, this event seems absurd, and perhaps concerning. This has gotten me unsettled, but I don't know if I'm paranoid. Okay so this is set when I'm 5 years old. I'm in school, in class. All of us kids in the class would sit down on the ground whilst the teacher, who was female, would read some book and we listen. Now whilst everyone would sit directly in front of the teacher, facing her, I would sit around the side of the teacher. A bit to the side, and even a bit behind perhaps. But anyway, whilst the teacher was reading, I'd look up her skirt! My head was directly beneath her skirt, peeking!!!! And it was all the time. I remember the colour of her socks and what they looked like, seeing her legs. It's possible that I even touched her socks, but I can't be sure and I don't know, my memory is just so hazy trying to remember this. And this was a frequent occasion. I'd do it every time she's reading and gathers us. I THINK I WOULD FIDGET AROUND, LOOK UNDER HER SKIRT, AND NOBODY NOTICED OR CARED. Which I find strange. Maybe she knew but didn't care? I have no clue. I think it might have literally been the case that, everyones eyes were glued on the teachers face and nobody was looking at me, and I was behind the teacher at such a weird angle that nobody saw or knew what I was doing. Just assuming I was fidgeting a bit but was listening like the rest of them. ---- Anyway. Back on track. When I was 12 I discovered pornography. Am addicted to that till this day, being 20 years old now. All my jock male friends in school would mingle with females, but I had it instilled in me that having females as friends was a sin. You're told growing up that you shouldn't look at a female you're not married to for any nanosecond longer than is necessary. You feel like you neither fit in with your home culture or the west. This alienation lasted for years after I knew I wasnt Muslim and is probably a main factor of my depression. I had a crush back in high school, and that person still remains a symbol in the various images that pops in my head. I remember having an insight not too long ago about how a problem I was having came back to the feelings I had for this girl, many many years ago. My porn tastes became extreme and escalated. Sadistic, domination and worse . I've only confided in 1 person about the full extent of my problem. Despite extreme tastes, my use of porn isn't that that much. I've only masturbated once in the past 3 days, for example. But I go through periods of time of masturbating daily.

@meow_meow Kriya Secrets Revealed by J C Stevens

What is there to say with these things. Someone is claiming enlightenment. An Instagram model at that. Like come on. Absolute, "states vs enlightenment", that topic can be discussed separately. I would reccomend reading jed mckenna, Peter Ralston and Leo for different opinions. Jed Mckenna talks about this very directly, and almost makes it a core point in his book. Some people call a particular seeing that one's true nature is nothing and immortal, the one and only enlightenment. But isnt there depth to which this is seen? The stability and depth of the realisation. And could there be other facets of consciousness? Expose yourself

@meow_meow Also dude, bear in mind that Sadhguru is a speaker for normies. Therefore it's in his motive to value heavily his listeners egoic comfort. Uncovering the shadow has always been a part of this process, but since Sadhguru is marketing this product where spirituality=bliss, he only sells you one side of the story.

@meow_meow if you were to talk to Sadhguru, he would tell you that kundalini practices without proper instruction or guidance is a risky thing. Some people think that this kundalini is a tangible force that needs to be scientifically balanced with careful care. Therefore knowledge about the supposed mechanisms of kundalini, or at the very least, knowledge which has been supposedly tested to avoid potential negatives when practiced, is seen as essential. So the kundalini is seen as an alchemical/scientific force to be skillful with. The same way a pottery artist has to be precise, exact, with how they apply newtonian force to shape wet clay in the precisely desired form and shape. But I don't know if these people are right. Kundalini might not have the same level of existence of let's say, this table in front of me. The approach I've taken it to just find a good book with some guidance and don't skip steps. Follow these people's advice for what the proper method is. Although, to be honest, I might just mess with that and not keep this approach and attitude in the future.

@Gesundheit haha not anymore lol. But when I was 12 or so I'd search for Islamic answers on the Internet to certain questions of what is or isn't allowed, and I would be left trying to make sense of or debunk these hardcore fundamentalists who seem to have invaded the online landscape.

Sat 05/09/2020 10:06 I've been in the grip of past images and sensations. Deja vu. I'm remembering one of my first "enlightenment experiences". When I was 16 or so I heard of meditation from Sam Harris. And for whatever reason, two of the first powerful experiences I had were when I was bored on the bus and paying attention to my breath. I wanted to see "where is my breath coming from?". It was probably my first realisation of no-self and no free will. Extremely random. I had no frame of reference or theory for what my experiences were since I was a stout atheist who grew up with islam. But I remember realising, I'm in control of nothing, and I don't know why anything is. I have no free will. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My energetic state right now, my emotions, images, I feel like I'm in the past. This is likely due to my recently disturbed sleeping pattern. I've been fluctuating in and out of dissociation whilst awake. Right now, I'm not dissociated. I'm just hit by extremely, extremely hard deja vu. I feel like I'm 16 again, sleep deprived in the morning with a very particular flavour of subtle anxiety, wearing my white button shirt, sitting on the bus and going to psychiatric (work experience)/(internship). This very particular flavour of anxiety...it reminds me of a distant time. The time before my emotions became as they are now. I used to experience this flavour of anxiety very frequently. I experienced around the time my psychological issues were starting to converge into a turning point which eventually became depression. This combination of bad sleep and accidentally forgetting to take my SSRI meds for a couple of days, it did something. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I have a large shadow A lot of my shadow is sexual in nature. Sex itself, alongside the possible things that are possibly underneath the surface of these sexual forces, is very strange thing for me. My inclination towards this domain of reality from a very young age makes me reverent of the existence of alien and unknown qualities in nature. "karma", "the collective unconscious", these are different labels for desires, situations, that I myself don't feel I created more so I was thrown into. When I was 5 I discovered the adult channels on television. I would use the TV when I was alone at night. I felt drawn to the scantily clad women but I didn't know why. Not too soon after I connected a few dots, realised the concept of attraction. So I watched late night adult channels for a while to myself. When I was 6 I would use google to try and search for naked girls, although I didn't know porn existed and so I would just go on google images and search what my brain could think of "Hot naked ladies", something like that. ----- There's one thing I'm genuinely confused about from the details I do remember. Because whatever way I slice it, this event seems absurd, and perhaps concerning. This has gotten me unsettled, but I don't know if I'm paranoid. Okay so this is set when I'm 5 years old. I'm in school, in class. All of us kids in the class would sit down on the ground whilst the teacher, who was female, would read some book and we listen. Now whilst everyone would sit directly in front of the teacher, facing her, I would sit around the side of the teacher. A bit to the side, and even a bit behind perhaps. But anyway, whilst the teacher was reading, I'd look up her skirt! My head was directly beneath her skirt, peeking!!!! And it was all the time. I remember the colour of her socks and what they looked like, seeing her legs. It's possible that I even touched her socks, but I can't be sure and I don't know, my memory is just so hazy trying to remember this. And this was a frequent occasion. I'd do it every time she's reading and gathers us. I THINK I WOULD FIDGET AROUND, LOOK UNDER HER SKIRT, AND NOBODY NOTICED OR CARED. Which I find strange. Maybe she knew but didn't care? I have no clue. I think it might have literally been the case that, everyones eyes were glued on the teachers face and nobody was looking at me, and I was behind the teacher at such a weird angle that nobody saw or knew what I was doing. Just assuming I was fidgeting a bit but was listening like the rest of them. ---- Anyway. Back on track. When I was 12 I discovered pornography. Am addicted to that till this day, being 20 years old now. All my male friends in school would mingle with females, but I had it instilled in me that having females as friends was a sin. You're told growing up that you shouldn't look at a female you're not married to for any nanosecond longer than is necessary. You feel like you neither fit in with your home culture or the west. This alienation lasted for years after I knew I wasnt Muslim and is probably a main factor of my depression. I had a crush back in high school, and that person still remains a symbol in the various images that pops in my head. I remember having an insight not too long ago about how a problem I was having came back to the feelings I had for this girl, many many years ago. My porn tastes became extreme and escalated. Sadistic, domination and worse . I've only confided in 1 person about the full extent of my problem. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Anyway, I'm glad I wrote a mini biography for myself to reference.

... Only one way to find out?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/intensifies Know your meme bro

@Gohabsgo it's fine man. You can see "cultivating morality" as something which raises your consciousness. Perhaps if you value high consciousness you will value morality. Or maybe someone will give me a zen bitch slap and say I'm speaking nonsense.

Tautology and Strange Loops intensifies

@Chumbimba Yeah it's pretty weird. Some people label this as "left brain" vs "right brain". Left brain stuff, I feel like I'm binary in thought and material, trying to exert my will on the world Right brain, I want the flux of my consciousness and the world to slow down so I can keep up with it all. But then well, you kind of see it goes together or, I get stuck in a different area instead by jumping around with my mind.

@Lyubov Truuuuuuuuuuuuuu Conservatives don't know what year they want to regress to. It's just that well, there are only 2 parties and so you lump in a whole bunch of different people together. Like capitalism wise they want to go the 80's. In traditional values, some of them want to go back to the 50's or even further. Corporate democrats probably worship Bill Clinton as some golden era.

@Chris_1982 yeah what cetus said as well. But also yeah, this happens for me. I don't know what it means either. But if it happens enough and becomes normal you'll stop being surprised or interested in it. It will just be another regular thing. If you love this chakra shit I recommend kriya yoga. I'd reccomend it to anyone tbh. There's "third eye meditation" as a primary concentration practice. ---- A lot of sensations are in flux in the body but you don't notice it. That includes the forehead But if it isn't noticed how do we know it is in flux? It's like asking if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, does it make it a sound. One could perhaps argue that being conscious of your experience changes the sensations and how quickly they vibrate. Either way, who knows.

@bmcnicho Right. This is what I thought also about biology and intelligence or personality being a limiting factor. I don't know what I think now. I think certain types of personalities (where you can maybe include different types of intelligences as part of the definition for someone's personality) are more likely to question societal norms and not be sheep. And then be advanced at a higher level above social norms. But normies in general don't question or see differently. But if it becomes trendy and socially normal to be yellow, then maybe the normies can be dragged up to yellow. So you ask who is yellow but not fairly advanced cognitively? Bear in mind people like this could exist but it would be difficult to spot if they did. If you're advanced cognitively, you can more easily articulate yourself to others, and then someone can spot that speech and say "aha that's yellow". The version of yellow I've seen and have is relative to my personality and other people with similar personalities. Higher in openness to experience, more intellectual. Perhaps getting everyone to yellow is a task in increasing people's open mindedness. Yellow being about being multi perspectival at the end of the day. Which is about openness.

@bmcnicho Part of me is pessimistic and has beliefs about "inherent human nature" which are unfounded. Pessimisticly thinking that humans spiralling into dumbness is as fundemental to the nature of things as entropy always increasing. But thats a story I used to have. So to answer your question yeah I think everyone can reach stage yellow.

We did it guys, we've found the wisest sage on the planet to give us fatwas on this topic of meditation. Who else but Elliot Hulse is the ultimate authority on this contentious issue?