Melwyn

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Hi Dan, I am an introvert myself and get many times in trouble expressing my thoughts and feelings properly. In Situations like you describe it. Is it possible for you to step back (for a moment) from your feeling of anger and fear and just observe them? You say it is a pattern. Every pattern has an characteristic of being automatic/self acting. At the same time you are the one who chooses to act out the pattern. If you are unhappy that you cant stop acting out this pattern. Start to observe and accept it first. It happend many times and it will likely happen again. But stop giving this pattern so much power. (By the way im 26 and still a virgin) greetings from germany

Hey Mark I can relate to your situation. Many times I have difficulties feeling comfortable in social surroundings. It is really a Mindset thing for me. I have very often the temptation to fall into negative(fearful) thought spirals which start to paralyze me. I am still working a lot on this issue. I have two questions for you. The one thing has to do with this mindset thing. Is it possible for you to observe your feelings of unease in the midst of social situations? Can you accept that in this moment of unease it is as it is? There is nothing wrong in feeling nervous or uncomfortable in a group setting. Actually much more people can relate to this than you think. Maybe the person sitting/standing next to you is having in the same moment quite the same feelings. Life is really about exploring and finding out. Maybe you can look at it like this. Sometimes when youre at a lake the water is quite cold. But you want to swim. So you start to enter the water just with your feet. At some point the water goes till your knees. and at some point the only thing which makes sense is to jump right into the water. At first it is a shock. But quite quickly your body starts to adapt to the new situation. Sometimes I try to use this kind of trick to get me into social situations. For example. Sometimes I go alone in a Bar. I am really nervous and shaky. I order a beer and sit there for an hour or two. I try to relax and just sit there and enjoy my beer. After that I go. Nothing really happened but im a bit more proud of myself that i did something like that. greetings from Germany

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Dear @OnceMore, Everything is a question of perspective. Try to put your life story aside for one minute. You are a beautiful being with the potential for infinite Love. In fact you are love. Your Suffering is a gift. The only thing suffering wants from you is that you embrace it like a little child. Be brave. Take your first step in the unknown.

Hey there I am a desperate, I don´t know what is wrong with me and i don`t even know how to start and put this stuff in words. I would describe my current condition as emotional very unstable and that over years now. Since i am very young there is this weird feeling inside me that I am "different" what maybe isn´t even the case but became a bit of a self-fulfilling-prophecy. With 15 I began to play guitar like a fanatic because I couldn´t handle my family situation and needed something to escape reality. Today I play in an awesome Band but it does not fulfill me. I think in some way I lost touch with reality(I am numb inside). Yesterday it happend again( emotional breakdown). I went with my Flat mates to a Hip Hop Party and at some point strong feeling of fear and anger overreach me. The Trigger was a guy I met I know from study. I was standing next to him and when he saw me he took his hands and shaked my head WTF. It was so awkward for me that I just left. I don´t even told anyone that I am leaving I just needed to get out of this place. I try to meditate constantly and practice self-love. But deep inside I feel like a piece of shit who deserves nothing. Sorry for my writing skills I am not a mother-tongue speaker.

Thank You Omni for the quick answer! It´s kind of funny because I was expecting this answer. The thing is that intellectual speaking I know totally what you mean.(But in Practice?!) I study psychology a lot and explore the spiritual some time now. Pinned down I think problems arise out of an lack of Love and Compassion (to yourself, to others). No one said it is easy to self actualize! I feel it is hard for my Ego to swallow your answer Thank you!!

i feel so loveless inside that i dont even know how to give love anymore

Whats your favourite music to get you through tough times? For me as a musician but mainly as a human being music is my tool for strong healing processes! Like to share?

Hey I reflect on this a lot too and know what comes with growing up without a father. First of all I think it is important not to reject your current state or behavior. When you grow up just with the feminine influence the problem which can arise is that since you were a child you know only through the eyes of women what THEY think a man should be. This creates difficulties in the young boy to create a solid, authentic identity. Often the child dos not learn to honor both sides within themselves : the masculine AND the feminine. I have some Questions I suggest you could ask yourself: 1. Do I feel good about being a man? 2.What is MY definition of masculinity? Why? 3.What are my values? 4.Do I respect and honor the feminine and the masculine? Sorry for my writing skills i am not a native speaker That could interest you too :

I feel you bro! That´s the spirit!!!

Hey Everyone, Recently i am wondering more and more about my own sense of humor and as well what this skill means in general. I discovered that if you are longer in melancholic or depressive emotional states it can happen that you lose touch with this beautiful skill. I remember a time when it was really easy for me to be funny and to get in some kind of humorous flow. But nowadays it happens more often that i am rigid and not relaxed enough to have fun or make fun. I think one reason why you can´t be funny anymore is if you are to much in your head. So I would like you to collect some insights with me. What is humor for you? Is there a certain mindset which can increase humor? How can you create funny Situations? (sorry for my english i am not a native speaker)

Respect yourself and you can respect others!

Hey Everyone, I will try to write about a topic which became more and more an obstacle in my life. At first i would describe myself as a very harmonic and sensitive character. Since my early childhood I had this righteous notion and some difficulties to be in conflict with others. I think at some point somehow my unconscious mind made the decision that conflict, anger and violence are very very very bad and I started to become shy, anxious and uncertain about myself. Especially in conflict situations. Some years later I developed OCD thoughts. These thoughts created a vicious circle in my self. I have very often agressive or violent thoughts popping up in my mind and every time i am shocked about myself and asking me questions like: Why are you thinking this kind of stuff? What is wrong with you? etc. It is creating a strong anxiety in my self and makes life for me more and more hard to enjoy or to just relax and feel good. My questions to you: Is there anyone who knows these kind of patterns? And what can I do to get relief? Sorry for my english i am not a native speaker

@BobbyLowell Thats a very good topic because most of the time people are very focused on the negative traits of their Personality. This will increase socially awkward behavior and inner conflict. But it is important for self actualization that you become conscious of both. positive traits are: Compassion Couriosity kindness confidence open mindedness humor sensitivity clarity self-assertion charisma i could go on all day long

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. - - Buddha

Yeah I really feel a certain resistance in myself which is blocking my natural flow.

Thank you so much for the great answers, I will contemplate about that. Especially this mechanism of creating separation. What makes it so difficult is that I sense that there is this strong judging mechanism which has become such a fast reflex and in the same time there is this fear of letting go. I think its really control obsession and my mind is showing me that I will never have this control.

Are you familiar with Meditation techniques? I have obsessive thoughts too and think one key point is to surrender to the feelings and thoughts without judgement. You can see your thoughts like clouds, fading. A totally blue sky would probably be enlightenment