How to stop being childish

[Krzysztof]

Hello,

my main problem in life is that I have troubles with being what I would describe as childish. I am a boy, not a man. I was raised by women. Always surrounded myself with women. Never had a strong male figure in my life. I have always had it easy. Here are some symptoms of my childishness:

1. Being heavily driven by emotions
2. Being governed by addictions such as social media, smarthophe, porn, music. Not being able to internally force myself out of them.
3. Having hard time delaying gratification
4. Having hard time getting down to work (which is pleasurable once I start it)
5. Having hard time taking emotionally uncomfortable decisions
6. Having extremely hard time controlling my finances

It's a complete opposite of what I would describe as masculine - being a grounded, stoic person.

I'm losing my mind over it. I want to fix it. I need to fix it. I think it's the single most limiting factor to my success. Any suggestions on the most effective steps I could take to fix this? 

[Melwyn]

Hey

I reflect on this a lot too and know what comes with growing up without a father.

First of all I think it is important not to reject your current state or behavior. When you grow up just with the feminine influence the problem which can arise is that since you were a child you know only through the eyes of women what THEY think a man should be. This creates difficulties in the young boy to create a solid, authentic identity. Often the child dos not learn to honor both sides within themselves : the masculine AND the feminine.

I have some Questions I suggest you could ask yourself:

1. Do I feel good about being a man?

2.What is MY definition of masculinity? Why?

3.What are my values?

4.Do I respect and honor the feminine and the masculine?

Sorry for my writing skills i am not a native speaker

 

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[Krzysztof]

@Melwyn Thank you for your reply. I have actually been fully accepting of my state for a long, long time. It's just that I've come to the conclusion that my childish behaviour will not get me in life into the place where I would like to be. I have huge aspirations yet it seems like without a good dose of mental toughness, I will be far away from achieving any of them.

My need to be more manly comes solely from my realization that I will not be able to live up to my expectations. 

I have read the Way of Superior Man. It's a great read. Leo did 2 part video about masculinity. In the first part he talked about the characteristics such as being ice-cold, assertive etc. and in the second one he talked about authenticity and accepting one's feminine side. They seem to be a bit opposed to each other, but I think if we put them into a sequence, they both make a lot of sense.

It seems to me like I should go through a period of cultivating traditional masculine traits until they become my second nature, before I come to peace with my feminine side.

I just want to change my personality to achieve greater things in life.