Brandon Nankivell

<3

I battled with this for a long-time but eventually understood. Awareness requires no effort. The effort you feel is you (your sense of self, ego-mind) trying to be somewhere other than where you are. That trying is a thought. You've stated, "I'm back to unconsciousness and automatic thinking" and this is may be what you feel will happen if you don't try to be aware. But this is trying, the very thing keeping you unaware! So what to do? Here's some pointers based on my experience: Investigate, inquire into, understand the thoughts that arise. From where do they arise? What is their motive? Are these thoughts useful? Once you 'see it', you may have an 'Aha!' moment, or laugh - It will be hilariously clear By 'it' I mean the movements of the mind that stem from the Ego You'll realize that all these thoughts you've had about effort and trying are just the Ego doing it's thing to distract you from realizing you are Awareness Ingrained thought patterns of the mind are often deep and habitual due to conditioning, so be at peace and chill if Awareness isn't effortless straight-away, but nor you need to believe it has to take a squillion years to realize, drop all expectations of how long realizing should take There are so many methods of meditation that it may feel confusing - mindfulness sounds like the one you are using, which can work and take effort, however I prefer going back to understanding (my first point), because once you understand the inner workings of the mind, it's more frequently seen for the nonsense that it creates, and so you become effortlessly aware. Another more recent method I've been using when I fall out of effortless Awareness, is literally just going about life, not worrying about reminding myself, giving myself full permission to fall into old thought patterns, but just accepting any life situation that comes up when my energy is resistant (from the minor things to the big things). Accepting that an ant is on my foot rather than instantly killing it. Seeing frustration come up in a conversation with a family member, then instantly accepting it because I realize it's the ego-mind up to mischief keeping me unaware. So it's a bit of effort but because I don't have to think or do anything until a situation arises, it makes for a breezy kind-of-meditation. That's all the ancient Saints mean when they say just love... give... be kind... I found immense help in Osho's book: Learning to Silence the Mind.

For those with further interest, this was very illuminating: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qANNJP2DG8g

No that important for jhanas/awakening, just meditate in a comfortable position for you. Health-wise however, someone who is more experienced in body mechanics I'm sure will have something wiser to say than I.

Leo: First insight into no-self First insane dial-1000 awakening experience that lasted 4 weeks Osho: Incredibly inspiring, direct-as-hell, relatable, and nuanced J. Krishnamurti Very helpful to refer to any topic after an initial glimpse, and see how every problem in life leads back to the 'what is' A man I met in the marketplace from the Neem Baba Karoli lineage: Multiple Kensho experiences in his presence Pure character Incredible to be able to converse with an awakened one in-person and get direct and precise feedback on blind-spots

If you're open, consider taking a another look at this. if you're bothered by murder or rape, you're a murderer or a rapist Try instead: if you're bothered by murder or rape, have a look at the "I am bothered". Who is bothered? From where does the thought/feeling of being bothered arise? What happens if you sit with it and watch it for 10 minutes?

I haven't crossed anyone that I feel what would be receptive enough so it hasn't crossed my mind

Digital nomad ey?

@being_frank_yang @thatbeyondduality @nargis.no.thing Nahm Anna Brown

Agreed.

Love. I've glimpsed enough to see that it's worth it, even though things are tough right now.

I've read 27 Osho books in the last 12 months (Ikr, fan boi much?) - From what I recall, the main points about food: Osho is vegetarian Osho supports vegetarianism and says the future enlightened people will all not eat meat (He mentions some enlightened figures in the past who would eat fish etc) Osho doesn't eat all that much Osho isn't doesn't advocate fasting (only when necessary, to say, balance out a day where you over-eat) Because it isn't truly conducive to raising consciousness, it gives a fake high (I'm talking long fasts, 7 days plus etc) Osho says what you eat is not nearly as important as cultivating awareness when it comes to awakening I haven't come across him saying anything about a superfood, nor do I get the impression he ever would have Sidenote: Sadhguru has also blanketly said "Listen to your body" when it comes to eating food.

+1

If you're looking for honesty, it's time to evict Owen and most of RSD from taking up your real estate .

PT Mistlberger has decades of experience as doing the work and from what I can tell, is very spiritually mature. One of his big points of emphasis is monks / sages etc... traditionally spend solitary lives, but he strongly encourages being in the world and to continuously be 'in relationship' with others, as this can help bring out character blind-spots and challenge you to develop them etc. In my current stage of development (2 big first awakenings this year: 1,000 on-the-dial awakening + kensho-style laughing buddha "Ah! This is it! All this time..."), it makes sense to me to exit the crazy world of social relations (in a men's support group right now but see it as full of distractions). Mistlerberger seems to imply staying in the social world whilst also doing the work. In my experience, this doesn't seem to be working well. Distraction central! Ideas! Beliefs! Expectations! Temptations! Party Invites! Madness! I see the value in deepening the awakenings without distractions, especially social ones. Maybe this takes a few years. Then slowly re-integrating into the social world, assuming there is a purpose behind it (like pursuing a big awesome business or project that requires social interaction). Thoughts?

Basic: Why Meditate: Working With Thoughts and Emotions by Matthieu Ricard Advanced: The Book of Not Knowing by Peter Ralston

Or rather to simply commit to the Truth at all costs, and the other stuff to come as a by-product. I recall Leo mentioning something like this isn't really a purpose but a potent supplement to your human experience - something like that. Or like what Ralston mentions - You awaken to certain degrees, then you do the transformation work, continue to live in the world etc. Is it worth revising my life purpose even though it drives me and gets me excited?

I was contemplating what time and space is today. TIME It got super weird. It seems to me time and space are no more than a sensation occurring in the now. With eyes closed, I would ask myself how I was able to estimate between how 'about 1 hour' and about '10 minutes' and about '6 seconds' had passed. I noticed with the 6 seconds passing, I could feel that about 6 seconds had passed based on the sound of the nearby bus engine, gradually fading as it drove away. I have memories of vehicles and their sounds with estimates I had made without really realizing it. I also noticed the subtle vibrations of the bus engine coming through the air/ground into my body which gave another marker to help estimate the 6 seconds passing. It started getting weirder when I questioned why time is represented by numbers which are represented by shapes and sounds. What makes 6 seconds different to 6 minutes? I asked myself. I ended back to realizing that time seem to be related to a sensation occurring, or a group of sensations that trigger each other based on which sensation occurs first. I could hear the sound of a bus, see a bus moving in my visual field, and feel the vibrations of the bus in my body - seemingly all at the same time. And it's like a lightning-fast, assumption is made about how much time has passed. The final thought is 'About X time has passed'. But then I started wondering how the hell the sound of the bus was able to drag out, for lack of better words. To hear the volume of the bus gradually go down... If time doesn't exist the way we usually know it, then I entertained the idea of some kind of hyper fast 'time-slice' of each degradation of volume, revealing itself as an experience of a sensation in the timeless now, but that sensation would be a slightly different sensation, with all these sensations happening in a lightning fast string, much like how video is made - a string of slightly different images projected at lightning fast speed to give the illusion of video. But that still seems to imply a past and a future. I'm struggling to see how things can appear to change without a past and future. If we were really in a timeless now, then we wouldn't notice a before or after. Like in the case of the sound of the sound of the bus seeming to decrease, it wouldn't be possible to perceive this without a past and future. If we listened to the sound of the bus in a timeless now, then we probably wouldn't hear the decrease in sound, because perception of a decrease in sound requires the past memory compared to the current experience to make the contrast - does that make sense? So in this normal dual world / normal state of consciousness, it's impossible to experience the timeless now. It has to be an illusion. ... But hang on a minute. It seems you can only have one thought at a time. And, it's like there's thoughts that trigger other thoughts to ultimately conclude that 'X time has passed'. And each thought happens now. So... Maybe there is just now. F***. Strange world. SPACE ***This one more of an after-the-fact intellectual reflection, the actual contemplation was more drawn out and based on 'feeling things out' for extended durations*** At the bus station, sitting on a chair, eyes closed. Determined that I knew what space was based on 2 main things: Being able to move my hand through the wind in front of me, and also feel the muscle pressure - and estimate based on that how much 'my hand' had moved So I guess space is a muscular and/or kinesthetic sensation Or a thought based on both Or a thought based on a collection of past memories of the sensations and what I've assigned as a certain amount of space, as represented by numerics, e.g. "About 25cm away from my body" If I were to determine space on what I see in the visual field, then I'm going off memories of how much space, representend numerically, there is based how much space distinct phenomena is taking up in the visual field, relative to other distinct phenomena (e.g. how big is the bus compared to the road compared to the tree compared to my body compared to the nearby building compared to etc... body seems to be the 'anchor' since it doesn't seem to change in size because my eyes are always in the same place in the skull) Am aware that my mind is making disinctions in the visual field and that it is actually all the same, although it doesn't appear that way unless in deeper states of consciousness / meditation So space is just based on distinctions of the mind? Which makes space what... a concept based on distinctions of the mind. The illusion of space is useful however, assuming the goal is to stay alive, do certain things etc. So is space just being created as I seemingly walk around to different places? Are these places being created as they enter my visual field? But hang on! What if I shut my eyes and walk along a beach, and then re-open them about 10 minutes later? I will still assume I have walked some distance which implies space, and I'd be estimating that based of a memory ocurring in the now Fuuuuck So, space, like time, is just a sensation in the now And I'm beginning to think every single memory / sensation that ocurrs in the now is unique to every other one that has seemingly been experienced. How could it possibly be the exact same? What is it exactly that makes each experienced sensation just a little unique, if I am correct that each sensation is unique (even if by a tiny-tiny-tiny bit) It's like there's some divine fucking intelligence going on that is pretty clever or something! I couldn't help remember the quote that says something like, "The path is created and destroyed as you walk it" There is no beginning, and no end - It somehow makes sense, yet not at all Where is a thought located? Above where I feel my head is? That's what it feels like Or inside my body somewhere This is weirrrrd - It doesn't seem to be in this physical space, so how can I say it appears relative to somewhere I just described, like above my head? It's like thoughts appear in another dimension

Wow. Very interesting.

I've found compliments and non-constructive criticism affecting me less in the last 12 months. When somebody gives me a compliment, I politely acknowledge it but it doesn't have much value as it used to since some awakening experiences. Hearing compliments however still has a slight pull that I don't feel is beneficial to consciousness development. I'm part of a Men's self-improvement group and an activity is to give another man a compliment. I have a sense that the compliment sharing isn't benefiting other men in their conscious development, nor mine. Perhaps harmful, further pumping up the ego. However, even if I don't see much value in it myself, perhaps giving a genuine compiment may be what helps another man in a tough situation to keep moving forward during a time of depression/anxiety and ultimately serves as a leap-pad into motion where the consciousness work can then be focused on. In this situation, are compliments beneficial or detrimental to the group, assuming the goal is for everybody to become more conscious?

https://giphy.com/explore/michael-jackson-popcorn

Have had multiple awakenings. Experience lots of inner peace. I eat meat.