molosku

Just STOP! That is a made up problem that you are clinging to. Let your thoughts do what ever they want. Don't idealize your thought process, you have zero control over it. What you have is thoughts about thoughts, so you only have some silly thoughts you are too concerned about. There is no reality to your problem.

Can you rephrase your problem?

In the end of stage turquoise Leo mentioned that you should read at least 30 books on non-duality if you are serious about awakening. I would like to get some perspective on this. Several teachers I have studied joke/talk something along the lines of "the truth is not found in any (sacred) book". I heard a story from somewhere where Ramana told his pupils to throw their spiritual books into a river. I have had a few experiences myself where I realized how silly it was to look for myself anywhere but within. Early this summer I had an LSD/meditation induced awakening where I basically exploded out of bliss, and at that moment I thought to myself "If/when this has faded, if there is one thing I must not forget, it's this: it is within" I reached a point early on this year where I was practicing quite hard for my level, and studying theory and listening to teachers. I felt like all the knowledge was starting to be really distracting, like my monkey mind was constantly blabbering about non-dual theory. Now I have not read any non-dual books for a while nor listened to teachers and I feel like my mind is clearer and I can focus on my actual experience better. Is this a path thing, or is there some crucial value in books that I'm not getting? I understand that books can point out potential traps of the work, but... I don't know. Anyone here who has awakened and can say that books helped in that process? @Leo Gura is the only person I have encountered who has recommended extensive reading on the topic. Anyone here who has read very few books and has had success just by practicing? I'm not interested in speculation from users who have intentionally read/not read books and had awakening spiritually, sorry. You are all great but I don't think you can give much value here, as I said it's more of a speculation than an opinion from experience.

@Dan Arnautu but as you discover your life purpose, you see that some or most of them are not in the core of your life purpose. Those are the ones you dabble with. That, or you find out your purpose is to be leonardo.

I googled what polymath means and in my native tongue it translates to "a common genius". Thats on hell of a title I would not consider myself as a common genius, but I am involved in multiple unrelated hobbies. Mastery indeed is a tough one. It would be easy if I were good at just one thing, but I'm good in many things but master at none. I think this issue comes down to your life purpose, as few of my hobbies lose significance when the scope of things is my whole life. Mastery is not some separate thing from your life, it should be integrated to it. I have not studied Leonardo, but I would guess that if you ask him: "what is your life's purpose" he would have answered in some way "the things I do". But was he happy? Was he enlightened? How about family life? I could spend my whole life mastering all my hobbies, but I know for certain I would not be happy and I would burn out. Considering the "job interview" issue, I don't know, sometimes you need to manipulate people if you WANT some outcome, like a job. Thats how social situations often are, unfortunately. There is nothing wrong with dabbling with some thing, but dabbling with your life is another thing entirely. What do you want out of life? I would drop the idea of "I am a polymath/ I want to be a polymath" as an idealized version of yourself and focus on life purpose and pursuing your passions. If your hobbies are your life purpose, well, there you go

I would be careful to use this rhetoric. It's valid, but it's sooooooo easily misinterpreted, especially by people who post threads like this: That guy doesn't seem suicidal, but there is a history of suicidal posters on this forum. Let's all die before we die in a safe manner.

I'm participating in a "weekend with Rubert Spira" with my lovely companion in Amsterdam in September. I want to make good use of my time there by listening closely to other peoples questions and Rubert's answers, but I also want to ask one solid question that covers some ground on the topic of non-duality that has not been really answered in his books or youtube videos. So none of these i consider good questions: how to self-inquire how to meditate how to yoga (not his expertice I believe) what is enlightenment how to get enlightened what am I what is reality how come I'm not enlightened "I have this problem..." One questions I have considered, rough outlines of the questions: "What is identification? It seems like identification is both active and passive in the sense that thought (that is perceived to be oneself) enforce the false self by defining itself (I am a man, my name is this, I am a human). It's also somehow passive, as if it was only passive, everyone would get enlightened the instant they did not actively define themselves. I'm going trough my life perceiving (the seeming) objects of the world to be separate from me. Does my passive/active idea have any truth to it or am I confused?" I'm really trying to avoid the situation where I ask a question for which I know his teaching already. It's a bit though to come up with good ones so, recommendations are welcome

@tsuki thanks for your reply! I'm not concerned about one tablespoon of enlightenment/ full enlightenment, all I want to do is know what I am. But yeah, I get the sense that the part of me that want's to read is my mind, which is trying to grasp. I have heard it over and over again: "it's the simplest thing". How come I need to read about the simplest thing? Beats me. Waiting for mr @Leo Guras soul crushing hammer of reality to drop on this thread...

Yes my man.

Interesting thread. One thing that separates the wheat from the chaff for me is: guru: "I am a guru" teacher: "I am you" Not all teachers say this aloud, but you kinda sense it. But again, Im not into gurus.

@Joseph Maynor There is a lot of stuff there, pretty hard to get inside your head coherently from them. I'm not expecting much of a reply, more like a brief summary why u peg yourself as turquoise.

Dude, you don't sound like you are okay. There was nothing special about that clock thing you talked about, it's not normal to post things on social media for reasons you don't know and to be in delusion about a bombing. Yeah, it seems like so. I suggest you seek professional help as soon as possible. Really.

For secret CIA mind control projects, of course.

Spot on. I have too experienced something like that on LSD. I "realized" that I cant escape myself or the world, so if I commit suicide I will be just where I was before and I will live forever in a limbo. So it was nonsense, but it felt very very real. What got me out of it, was to firstly become aware that it is happening, then become present and ask myself: "what is true? what is true beyond my thoughts?". Then I realized my panic was rooted in a thought, and a thought is not the ultimate reality. So the panic stopped right there. Then I laughed. You talk about "meaninglessness sucking you in". One reason for that could be that you resisted your experience with your mind. Your mind is a meaning and connection making machine. When it suddenly can't find any, it panics and clings to what ever it can get a hold of. Sometimes that meaning is pure delusion (say, a psychotic episode) but the mind does not care, it's a survival mechanism for it so it could not care less if the meaning it comes up with is true at all. You started to distract yourself, that was a mistake. You tried to deny it was happening, but that denial was a superficial layer on top of your true experience. It was a attempt to take back control of the situation. But really, you have no control over anything, so you used all your (non-existant) "tools" available. You simply jumped to an experience that you maybe was not ready yet. How to know when you are ready for some psychedelic experience? When you are facing it. How to recover? Ground yourself in what you know is true. Ground yourself in things you enjoy. Not what you believe is maybe true. You don't know anything about death, and thats okay. Take your time to just live your regular life. Right now, the experience is over, but the memory of it still haunts you. Have you read Echard Tolles "Power of now?" If you haven't, read it. If you have, read it again. Happiness and joyful living is available for you right now, every second. Only reason you feel scarred is that you are not in the now, you hold on to a memory. Of course letting go of that memory is not as simple as "dropping it", as it will find it's way to your consciousness. So what you are facing here is a process of becoming present each time you notice you are somehow re-living the experience. Also, don't take drugs for now, that's obvious I think. If you can't get past your trauma say, in a few months, consider therapy and/or a healer. Im clueless about healing myself, but I have read it's very helpful for many. Also one thing what you can try if nothing else works, try taking something around 80mg of MDMA. It is a powerful way to work with trauma, and lots of research is being made on it's effects to cure PTSD. If you decide to go that route, your standard drug safety guides apply. Get a milligram scale. Good luck! Come on...

Thumbnail: Leo contemplating the ramifications of his bank account balance (hand gesture) after spending all his money on vegetables, 5-meo-dmt and black t-shirts.

@Joseph Maynor can you elaborate? Can you briefly describe your stage of happiness, developmenten and enlightenment as a turquoise person?

How does it feel to have a chakra closed? Im clueless on this topic.

I have thought about this subject for a while. I have talked in length about personal development and spirituality with my friends who are mostly orange-green type of persons, and they even have personal developement habbits in their life and they resonate with the ideas but... it never really sticks. I feel like the ONLY real reason for that is the fact that they wont recognize the ever so subtle pain of experiencing the world as an ego. I cant just tell them "Hey! I know for a FACT that you are not happy, and it's not personal, it's in fact impersonal and I have it too". Thats something everyone has to admit themselves first. My friends have so much going for them and they mostly live a passionate life, so it is super easy to ignore that sadness and longing for unity. The few friends that have really noticed that sadness, know about non-duality. Not a surprise. Most folk have the reasonable philosophy of "life is like a rollercoaster: ups and downs" and its true even! But only on the surface. Thats where most peoples sticking point is. They accept the sadness (without understanding the reason for it) and the happiness ("Im happy because of these favourable conditions") as "thats how life is". "Dont fix it if it's not broken" is the reason personal development does not stick.

One interesting approach would be to study the presocratic philosophers first, and move onward in chronological order. This approach helps immensly in understandic science, why not philosophy too

It's a choise between rotten eggs and rotten fish.

No matter how many slaps your ego suffers, you never throw the towel away. Never.

Try this: I'll "let" you worry about the statistics as much as you'd like to, but only if you get 50 dates with 50 different women. See if you care about the numbers after that. See which represents the world more accurately: your experience or the statistics.

By non-objective I mean that which an appearance of an object (matter) appears in, but that itself is not knowable as an object. Hand can't know the fingers, fingers cant know that which is knowing the fingers.

I would not put in the same basket as your "traditional" sages and gurus. He is more of an intellectual i think. I'm not judging alcoholics but the fact that he was one probably prevented him to trancend himself and many other things. I dont know, I haven't studied him as a person in debth either.

What do we think of mr. Alan watts? He was a wise man and a controversial figure for sure, but does he qualify as yellow? He had lots of knowledge about eastern religion and culture, and he also talked lots about pretty high level spiritual consepts. I do doubt he ever embodied those concepts really, as he was an alcoholic. I think he's yellow nonetheless.