Charlotte

@Consilience erm.... Altogether about 5 hours. @Conrad ♥️ @SgtPepper They really are aren't they. @abrakamowse pleasure! ♥️ @Harikrishnan 2 hours ish, so the peak.

(I don't remember everything exactly but I'll try my best) Trip report 1.5g grinded mushrooms: Ask and you shall receive. I had wanted these answers for soo long, I had longed for this moment. This was my calling. Ceremonially took 1g. I asked the mushrooms to be kind and guide me with love. I drank the tea and my intention was to set off on a small walk whilst I 'came up'. Around 1 hour and 15 minutes had passed and I felt something very small but not enough for me. I thought I'd give 10 more minutes and I sat down for something to eat. I started eating and then decided to head back inside the pod for another 0.5g. Again, I showed my respects to the mushrooms and knocked them back. I sat back down and continued to eat. Boom. It started hitting me. I stood up in a little panic because it came out of ABSOLUTELY no where. I scraped my food back into the tub and wanted to call my friend asap for some guidance. I walked quickly to an area with signal and he then kindly guided me through the come up. It felt like I was going 'up' in stages but on a plane with turbulence ? I started to see the 'messages' coming through but things where still unstable. I started floating and things slowly were leveling out. I started to walk towards the woods and JUST as thing's leveled out the branch of this tree literally danced in front of me, grabbed my attention loudly and clearly and said 'hello, welcome.' I then realised I was this great big gaint intelligent mind and I was it. I was actually it ? I laughed at how quiet everything was. What a beautiful welcome that was! I thought. I smiled. I felt expected. Almost instantaneously a Queen song came to mind so I banged it on in my ears as I walked down the road. 'Save me' played as my ex partners face came to consciousness and I cried and cried. Tears just sweeping down and off my face. I could feel the release throughout the chest. But it was a loving feeling. I walked into the woods and the plants were looking at me, breathing in front of me, they wanted me to recognise their beauty... Well that was effortless for me. I felt one with everything. I continued to walk through the woods. I don't remember exactly what happened but I remember just wanting to cry at the sheer love I was. "Everything is perfect, everything is absolutely perfect" I was repeating. Everything was indeed. I walked to the pod and shut the door. I suddenly felt trapped so I opened the door again, panic came slightly and I reached for the orange juice... 'no' I said. Something pulled me back. I was seeing this through. I took my leggings off to get changed and I suddenly felt an extreme sense of vulnerability. Being naked to me was vulnerability... Insecurities. Yoga called. I moved the air bed out of the way and started involuntary moving through asanas. Oh my goodness... I had never EVER moved in this way... I wasn't the one doing the moving, the body was just moving and the breath... Oh my god the breath was so clear and deep, guiding the posture. Every posture I took showed me the deeper spiritual meaning behind it. It's all love. It's all divinity. It's all unity. I was 'united' At times I would lose myself into what felt like hell in some postures, literally through the floor and into hell but love prevailed. How I see and practice yoga now has completely changed. Just-fucking-wow. After yoga I stood up. The body wanted to move, my hands my spine. I began moving my hands in a symmetrical manner, flowing, swirling identical patterns. The hands flowed in front of my heart centre. Always remained in that area. I was gathering this loving energy and once I had gathered enough I held it above my head and bowed my head to the divinity. Offering myself, showing how humble I was and how grateful I was, I wanted to give love as a sign of thank you, I wanted to give myself. This part of the trip here has stuck out to me a lot because I can't explain this feeling of gratitude, appreciation, respect and love I wanted offer to the devine. My hands reached the sky and I brought hands down and past my face in prayer position, my fingers so spread, the energy I could feel I was acting through human form. They stopped at the third eye as I pressed the thumbs firmly against my forehead, I stayed there for some time. Just being love, just being the devine, just being it. A question arose... And before it had even finished it was answered. "Why do you think so much?" "Judgment, the running commentary is you judging yourself." I laughed at the realisation of this ? Also I saw this and text my friend... I sat down to write. Questions were being asked and answered before I had even physically finished writing on the paper. What is your life purpose I wrote. To love, to heal, to love. Why am I procrastinating with it? Ego/homeostasis. How am I deluding myself? Spiritual ego (in bold letters). What is my life purpose? (I knew what question was being asked and the answer was before I had even finished physically writing the question) To love, to heal, to love. What are three things you love about Charlotte? Love. What is the issues related to my relationship to food? Inner child, look towards the inner child. What other lessons have I to learn? Vegan ideology, insecurities, inner child... Mother's bond... !!!!Abortion!!!!... ?BOOM? I was constantly thinking about the bond between me and my mother, the love we share transcends the human experience. Which led me to something I had repressed for a looooong time. When I was 16 I had an abortion due to being too young to want a child. I thought it never did bother me... Clearly it did. I cried and I cried and I cried. I forgave myself and gave unconditional love to the part of myself that was hurting. I healed. Other bits and bobs I wrote down: I trust myself. Blaming others is blaming myself, they are me. I sat up from journaling and I looked to my right hand side and I said. "The battle between the heart." Then I looked left and said. "And the self." I sprawled out my arms wide open as if to grab the heart and the self concept and I smashed my hands together in front of my heart, merging them together, uniting them as one, transcending the duality between the two. There were other deep insights but I literally don't know how to translate them into words. The whole trip itself has already changed everything. I've realised we create everything... And I mean EVERYTHING. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. We are god, we actually are god, the devine in human form underneath layer's of mindfuckery. Thank you to everyone here that's followed me on this journey so far. Thank you @Nahm you came to mind a few times during the trip (and yes I did play Kashmir ?) Yesterday still felt like I was inside the trip in some ways.. I was shocked and unbelievably happy at what had happened. Slowly feel like I'm returning now. Thank you mushrooms and thank you devine ♥️ lots of work to do for now ? Edit: Another lesson I learnt... (Gerry is my brother and made my childhood/young teenage years hell)

Certainly is ♥️ during the trip I was told to practice more so I shall. @DrewNows ♥️ @ThinAir ♥️

@Nahm ♥️?

Meal prep for trip... All organic high frequency foods...

@DrewNows 'From the liver... Not the liver' ? he has some small bouts of humour that crack me up. I highly (HIGHLY) recommend all his talks. Sat listening in a meditative state. I'm doing it tonight so will update maybe tomorrow or Sunday ? Hope you have an amazing weekend bud ♥️

Awesomesauce bro! @Cepzeu

Just been to see where I'll be staying for the trip. It's absolutely perfect. Very small floor space with fold out table. Outside picnic table, a fire pit overlooking nature. Getting very excited now ✌️

@DrewNows absolutely amazing! I'm starting to witness movements I never thought I could. I have my first solo psychedelic trip this Saturday. Think it couldn't of come at a better time.

'hard' duality 'speak' more dualities. ?? Jk

P2_H02.pdf

it's hit me like a ton of fucking brick's. I see what faceless was pointing to... I SEE THE MOVEMENT!

Best is a duality ?

@Nahm sorry for the late reply dude but I can't thank you enough for that response. I've printed it off. ♥️ @ValiantSalvatore thank you ♥️

Okay well it was clear the backlash wasn't finished Jesus wept... Never had one like it but at the same time I can't describe how much I've grown from it. During the Shamanic breathing workshop I think the shadow came up and out and that's what I've been dealing with the past 2 week's. I've found myself in situations where the shadow is so forefront. There's so much that's happened that I didn't realise was still lurking in the corner. Insecurities being the main one. That created all sorts of behaviour. Outstanding the observe but I have a lot of work to do. So my ego backlash came in the form of attention from a man. I wanted to have a flirt and go on a date. Basically stroke my ego. Met a guy, first date went okay. Second date went to absolute shit ? lots of lessons learned in the process. It's funny, I've had this backlash but at the same time I've still been aware af, other backlashes I've just gone completely unconscious. Interesting. So now I got the attention thing out of my system I'm ready to crack back on. Psychedelic trip this weekend. Need to go out and buy some shit for it. Got to say it's been one of the best opportunities for growth I've had this year and it's all been in the name of suffering ♥️ cheers ego ?

Fucking hell. Got so much to update. Been through a heavy ego backlash. I'll go into more depth tomorrow but I attended a TEDx talk Tuesday which was amazing. Will properly update tomorrow.

@pluto although I'd love for that to be true plutes I do have an intuitive feeling that people will die never knowing.

Booked my accommodation for my first trip. 17th may-19th staying in a little wooden pod in nature. Questions please guys: As some of you know I've dabbled in the odd bit of panic (?) I can see the 'come up' being the perfect time for it to show it's head if it does arise. What do you all do during the come up? I feel distraction at this point would be my best bet untill it hits me. @Nahm you have the best questions I've seen asked before a trip. Could you share some with me please? Shall I lemon tek to increase the come up? Do you guys generally make a plan of what your gonna be doing before the trip or do you just do whatever the trip guides you to do? ♥️

@pluto will it? Definitely?

@herghly I've done 2 60 minute sessions like a month apart (check my journal for reports). I personally wouldn't do this everyday, I feel it would have too many implications on the body.

@Swagala My absolute pleasure. If you feel avoidance, all the more reason to do it ?

@pluto @plutoEven if you did I couldn't see a lot of people accepting it, not easily anyway ?

@pluto ??? absolutely amazing

@DrewNows ? thank you!

I used to go through this. I started at the gym and then built confidence to go out. But don't do that because your at mercy to your own thoughts and judgements of yourself. Your judging yourself and then imagining what others will say based on the judgements you've made of yourself due to low self esteem. Not to worry though, we can sort this as long as you put the work in. Also I noticed throughout your thread you say 'fat' so many times. Are you sure you don't judge others for being overweight? What is the link you have made in your mind to this word? I'm not gonna go down the whole non dual route in this occasion because I feel it's would be counterproductive but if I where you I'd look into your relationship with yourself, your relationship to the word fat, lots of self love work, shadow work, your history with your relationship towards food (it usually stems for a trauma in your childhood, even a seemingly small trauma can trigger it). Know though @Swagala you are infinitely perfect the way you are. I mean that ?