Nadosa

Why do you want enlightenment? Who investigates into whose thoughts? There is no separate self.

See you are. There is no state. There is you + thoughts about states. There is no inherent separate you that has states. There is no technique. There is you + thoughts that are about a future + state chasing. To meditate is to see there in only you. No practise needed.

By all means. And I dont want to dismiss by any means the struggles of your girlfriend. But one has to outweigh what really feels good vs. spiritual bypassing in concepts. Spirituality as theory wont do shit for anyone if not understood.

But meditation is exactly facing that, isn't it? Investigate: What differentiates you from Meditation? Meditation is you. You are talking like meditation is a practise or some sort of escape. No it is exactly facing everything here and now. Surrender to God.

'The absolute acceptance is Buddhahood, that’s why Buddhas never suffer, it’s all the same for them, they are always happy. The road from understanding it to knowing it is paved with tears, don’t be afraid to cry! The eyes full of tears can see the truth. One cannot appreciate the fragility of life before one knows its futility. It’s connected. The less futile one imagines life to be, the more meaning one assigns to it, the more callous disregard one will have for its fragility. Up to the point of sending their children to death for the ideas of family legacy, Game of Thrones style. Fragility of life cannot be truly appreciated for as long as its futility is not. That’s why the morality of a Buddha is the absolute morality, it’s the complete reversal of the morality of the ego. From egoic perspective, Buddhas are immoral, because they don’t care about all this “very important” stuff that ego cares about, such as honor, prestige, bravery, family values, or different forms of tribalism. But from the perspective of a Buddha, egos are immoral, because by caring about all this stuff they become cruel and callous. For a Buddha, life itself is the ultimate value, the highest value, the only value, no other values are even possible. The body is all there is, everything else is entertainment, a joke. But ego takes it all very seriously, and that’s what makes humans different from animals - our insane acts of cruelty, coming from the utter confusion about life.' - Artem Boytsov

The harsh Truth is. And many "awakened poeple" brush it off with their "immortality"...Life is fragile. And being happy with its fragility brings about peace.

..the man was knocking from the inside.?

There is no "right" doing. All she does (but isnt aware of) is continuously "self inflicting and doing suffering", really it is a doing. If she is really really certain about psychedelics, she should maybe first establish a Meditation practise. Meditation means: What is 100% true right now? Not some fairy-tale esoteric concept, Meditation is your true Nature! In seeing that thoughts are thoughts and are NOT to be believed, most of the discordance will vanish in less time. I would strongly advocate also taking St. Johns wort pills, camomile tea and dark chocolate + mild exercise. Of course expressing emotions and feelings too.

Open. At least for me.

What do you mean by bypassing?

There is no one practising it. Meditation becomes a joy and effortless allowing and happiness will reveal itself as discordant thoughts about "someone" other than yourself in this moment are released into pure emptiness. It falls back into you after some time. First you seem to be caught up in thoughts. Then you see the happening is happening in you. Then you see all is you. And then you laugh and cry

For both sides.

That's most likely due to not enough meditation. She gets lost in concepts of solving something. What she needs is loving herself to the fullest. Definitely sleeping all day will make it worse. She might have to adress the fear fully. Be with it. Loving it. It is all herself. All a creation of herself.

I can only love it more than I did before. Guess that's "working on". But there is really nothing but going in rather than working towards. - “YOUR TASK IS NOT TO SEEK FOR LOVE, BUT MERELY TO SEEK AND FIND ALL THE BARRIERS WITHIN YOURSELF THAT YOU HAVE BUILT AGAINST IT.” Rumi

The Panic is due to her not feeling safe. She needs a mantra. That she is safe and secure, no matter whats happening. She should go out doing some exercise and after that sit on a bench, seeing that it is not someone else giving her this pain but that it is her investing her focus to the "seeming shadow" inside her own consciousness. All the WANTING to see the shadow etc. is the ego trying to go anywhere but not here. And here is where the magic happens. That's the reason she panics, she has to sit with it, head on. Maybe with someone she trusts. Panic etc. doesn't heal, it stresses the body.

I dont know. I dont reduce my suffering..it just is as it is. Reducing implies that smth is not perfect here and now.

The crowd I am entertaining with my music has way too much fun, so maybe they fall in love with a sadist. When this is what Sadists are, I keep being one with pleasure I am merely transmitting what God loves in this moment, I am merely a conveyor.

Currently I am working as a nurse. It was basically something I have started because I felt pretty awful and just wanted to do something, keep going and not getting even more stuck. Turned out to be pretty much something I like(d) and I turned to a really socially open person. Now, due to recent events of intense jealousy because of a friend who is the same age as me and has already started a business long ago, I went into a huge existential crisis combined with delusions and stuff. Dont want go further. Then the doubt started if I am actually stable enough to even live a life where I am able to do everything I want. Then "I had" some awakenings. Pretty painful stuff came to the surface. Now I dont know where to start. The spiritual path came without really intentionally seeking it. I just had to deal with things the way the appeared to me. I had some moments where I felt like: okay I am a nurse, what the hell prevents me from going further. I can actually become a doctor. I can prove that I am well functioning. I can prove to myself that I am able to do everything I want. Why doctor? I want to help people. And wanna be fully responsible for their health. I want to be a Doctor who has the empathy of a nurse and actually want to strengthen the bond between nurses and Docs. On the other hand, the social status plays also a big role...which maybe veils the Truth. The imagination of having the power to decide and stuff feeds the/my Ego. Sometimes I doubt if I have even trust in myself for that, sometimes there is lack of faith in my mental stability, as I am prone to spiritual crisis and imagining myself to be responsibe as a Doc whilst doing spiritual work, makes me feel like I shouldnt do it. Now, besides, I have 3 music projects going, as a drummer. With one of my groups, I spent a third of my savings on a music Video production. Just felt right and we just flow through it like we have never expected. It just works in favour of us. And we enjoy playing. I am torn between a conventional path and music. I enjoy both very much. But I wont get out of wage slavery that way. I have some other things in mind, like for example founding an organization or a project where I reconnect (mentally unstable) kids or teens back to Source by playing percussion. Smth. like that. I dont know. I have also not really mastered and integrated any of the awakenings yet. I just cant trust myself to anyone or anything at the moment because it would actually just shift my focus away from what I have to do, which is obviously first seeing what I essentially am and get a good grounding in that and then act from that place. That's the reason I currently stay away from Girls and relationships, because it would all just temporarily veil the fragility of my life. Any suggestions would be great. I know, in the end it is my choice. Ps.: Just signed up for the medical application test. I gonna give it a try.

Are you happy if he says yes? What about direct experience? You?

There is no end, no beginning.

Guys, really, do you want anyone OTHER to tell you what God is?! God is you! Stop asking Leo and see for yourself, as if there is even other to tell you what God is or what it should feel like. And then you try to convince the allmighty with your definitions of God...

That's what I fear the most: what if in the end all the brain fuck was kinda useless rumination and I "forgot to live". Well I am pretty happy the way things work out for me atm but life still leaves me in a void of not knowing who I am and whatever this is. Things just happen. And I appear to enjoy them. Or not. Idk. Anyways. Back to topic.

I know so well. Can you see that there is not a you + a you that has self-esteem? But rather a thought about a you that seemingly has low self-esteem? I dont mean to dismiss your struggles. But there is no thing as real self-esteem. I consider it as a accumulation of good feelings happening, positive momentum. The very core of self-esteem is based on someone having self-esteem. But there is no one having self-esteem. It is just you + thoughts about self-esteem. At least in direct experience. Isn't it? Could you breath in for two to five seconds, letting all beliefs about a self and self-esteem go? See that meditation and relaxing is NOT to get anywhere. Meditation is for being exactly where you are and relaxing into your being, soul, Spirit. You are Spirit.

Hey dude, I am a musician myself and I can really suggest making a dream board. Write down all the things you want as a musician, for example "I want some badass songs" or "I want an epic music video". This doesn't even "need" to work out, because it is what you will attract. So you say "your spirit is broken". See clearly and question if there is any distance from yourself to yourself, there is no you + your spirit, it is just you and see therein lies the magic in creating music and art. It is Love expressing itself, totally flowing effortlessly. „Consciousness expresses itself through creation. This world we live in is the dance of the Creator. Dancers come and go in the twinkling of an eye but the dance lives on. On many an occasion when I am dancing, I have felt touched by something sacred. In those moments, I felt my spirit soar and become one with everything that exists. I become the stars and the moon. I become the lover and the beloved. I become the victor and the vanquished. I become the master and the slave. I become the singer and the song. I become the knower and the known. I keep on dancing and then, it is the eternal dance of creation. The Creator and the creation merge into one wholeness of joy. I keep on dancing — until there is only … the dance.“ — Michael Jackson

https://youtu.be/9dT31jVkrPM