Nadosa

There is no "right" doing. All she does (but isnt aware of) is continuously "self inflicting and doing suffering", really it is a doing. If she is really really certain about psychedelics, she should maybe first establish a Meditation practise. Meditation means: What is 100% true right now? Not some fairy-tale esoteric concept, Meditation is your true Nature! In seeing that thoughts are thoughts and are NOT to be believed, most of the discordance will vanish in less time. I would strongly advocate also taking St. Johns wort pills, camomile tea and dark chocolate + mild exercise. Of course expressing emotions and feelings too.

Open. At least for me.

What do you mean by bypassing?

There is no one practising it. Meditation becomes a joy and effortless allowing and happiness will reveal itself as discordant thoughts about "someone" other than yourself in this moment are released into pure emptiness. It falls back into you after some time. First you seem to be caught up in thoughts. Then you see the happening is happening in you. Then you see all is you. And then you laugh and cry

For both sides.

That's most likely due to not enough meditation. She gets lost in concepts of solving something. What she needs is loving herself to the fullest. Definitely sleeping all day will make it worse. She might have to adress the fear fully. Be with it. Loving it. It is all herself. All a creation of herself.

I can only love it more than I did before. Guess that's "working on". But there is really nothing but going in rather than working towards. - “YOUR TASK IS NOT TO SEEK FOR LOVE, BUT MERELY TO SEEK AND FIND ALL THE BARRIERS WITHIN YOURSELF THAT YOU HAVE BUILT AGAINST IT.” Rumi

The Panic is due to her not feeling safe. She needs a mantra. That she is safe and secure, no matter whats happening. She should go out doing some exercise and after that sit on a bench, seeing that it is not someone else giving her this pain but that it is her investing her focus to the "seeming shadow" inside her own consciousness. All the WANTING to see the shadow etc. is the ego trying to go anywhere but not here. And here is where the magic happens. That's the reason she panics, she has to sit with it, head on. Maybe with someone she trusts. Panic etc. doesn't heal, it stresses the body.

I dont know. I dont reduce my suffering..it just is as it is. Reducing implies that smth is not perfect here and now.

The crowd I am entertaining with my music has way too much fun, so maybe they fall in love with a sadist. When this is what Sadists are, I keep being one with pleasure I am merely transmitting what God loves in this moment, I am merely a conveyor.

Currently I am working as a nurse. It was basically something I have started because I felt pretty awful and just wanted to do something, keep going and not getting even more stuck. Turned out to be pretty much something I like(d) and I turned to a really socially open person. Now, due to recent events of intense jealousy because of a friend who is the same age as me and has already started a business long ago, I went into a huge existential crisis combined with delusions and stuff. Dont want go further. Then the doubt started if I am actually stable enough to even live a life where I am able to do everything I want. Then "I had" some awakenings. Pretty painful stuff came to the surface. Now I dont know where to start. The spiritual path came without really intentionally seeking it. I just had to deal with things the way the appeared to me. I had some moments where I felt like: okay I am a nurse, what the hell prevents me from going further. I can actually become a doctor. I can prove that I am well functioning. I can prove to myself that I am able to do everything I want. Why doctor? I want to help people. And wanna be fully responsible for their health. I want to be a Doctor who has the empathy of a nurse and actually want to strengthen the bond between nurses and Docs. On the other hand, the social status plays also a big role...which maybe veils the Truth. The imagination of having the power to decide and stuff feeds the/my Ego. Sometimes I doubt if I have even trust in myself for that, sometimes there is lack of faith in my mental stability, as I am prone to spiritual crisis and imagining myself to be responsibe as a Doc whilst doing spiritual work, makes me feel like I shouldnt do it. Now, besides, I have 3 music projects going, as a drummer. With one of my groups, I spent a third of my savings on a music Video production. Just felt right and we just flow through it like we have never expected. It just works in favour of us. And we enjoy playing. I am torn between a conventional path and music. I enjoy both very much. But I wont get out of wage slavery that way. I have some other things in mind, like for example founding an organization or a project where I reconnect (mentally unstable) kids or teens back to Source by playing percussion. Smth. like that. I dont know. I have also not really mastered and integrated any of the awakenings yet. I just cant trust myself to anyone or anything at the moment because it would actually just shift my focus away from what I have to do, which is obviously first seeing what I essentially am and get a good grounding in that and then act from that place. That's the reason I currently stay away from Girls and relationships, because it would all just temporarily veil the fragility of my life. Any suggestions would be great. I know, in the end it is my choice. Ps.: Just signed up for the medical application test. I gonna give it a try.

Are you happy if he says yes? What about direct experience? You?

There is no end, no beginning.

Guys, really, do you want anyone OTHER to tell you what God is?! God is you! Stop asking Leo and see for yourself, as if there is even other to tell you what God is or what it should feel like. And then you try to convince the allmighty with your definitions of God...

That's what I fear the most: what if in the end all the brain fuck was kinda useless rumination and I "forgot to live". Well I am pretty happy the way things work out for me atm but life still leaves me in a void of not knowing who I am and whatever this is. Things just happen. And I appear to enjoy them. Or not. Idk. Anyways. Back to topic.

I know so well. Can you see that there is not a you + a you that has self-esteem? But rather a thought about a you that seemingly has low self-esteem? I dont mean to dismiss your struggles. But there is no thing as real self-esteem. I consider it as a accumulation of good feelings happening, positive momentum. The very core of self-esteem is based on someone having self-esteem. But there is no one having self-esteem. It is just you + thoughts about self-esteem. At least in direct experience. Isn't it? Could you breath in for two to five seconds, letting all beliefs about a self and self-esteem go? See that meditation and relaxing is NOT to get anywhere. Meditation is for being exactly where you are and relaxing into your being, soul, Spirit. You are Spirit.

Hey dude, I am a musician myself and I can really suggest making a dream board. Write down all the things you want as a musician, for example "I want some badass songs" or "I want an epic music video". This doesn't even "need" to work out, because it is what you will attract. So you say "your spirit is broken". See clearly and question if there is any distance from yourself to yourself, there is no you + your spirit, it is just you and see therein lies the magic in creating music and art. It is Love expressing itself, totally flowing effortlessly. „Consciousness expresses itself through creation. This world we live in is the dance of the Creator. Dancers come and go in the twinkling of an eye but the dance lives on. On many an occasion when I am dancing, I have felt touched by something sacred. In those moments, I felt my spirit soar and become one with everything that exists. I become the stars and the moon. I become the lover and the beloved. I become the victor and the vanquished. I become the master and the slave. I become the singer and the song. I become the knower and the known. I keep on dancing and then, it is the eternal dance of creation. The Creator and the creation merge into one wholeness of joy. I keep on dancing — until there is only … the dance.“ — Michael Jackson

https://youtu.be/9dT31jVkrPM

This bliss! Meditation guys, meditation! Meditation = non-doing = you + thoughts = only you = eternal peace. Have a great day!

So as I feel like there is something slowly peeling off since time passed, I also realized that something is just there already. When I see that or am that, I feel home - at the same time thoughts feel so crazy and like "me" or as insane that it feels hard to let them go - better said: I am already in a process of no return, and that has been the case for 4 years now, with sparks of being whole already - but always going "in the story", which makes me feel super crazy. I cant properly explain it to therapists tho. I know pills will help with letting go, I also know this process is just letting go of myself, nothing else, thoughts and believing in old ways cant make sense of me being "here". One key is trust. I have a big sheet right on the wall hanging at the opposite of my bed: "what is this emotion? + trust the process <3". I also know these thought loops are not healthy. I feel like I either suffer or I am absolutely commited "to die" to Truth. A middle way is just not possible. All the way letting go or suffer. Choose.

Take your phone away - now. Right fucking now! Go out. For yourself. Sit down on a bench. And GO INWARDS. For the sake of yourself! This is your time to shine now! Look at the voice, watch it with compassionate love, feel the pain caused by it, feel it completely, stay with it, forever, be with what is, this voice is, sensations are, this is your reality, this is YOU right here! This is all you! The voice, the sensations, the story about you being unhappy about your marriage or when your child was born, completely own it as your own. Acknowledge you ARE. You ARE soul. Imagine the way it was as a kid. This freedom. Do this now. Report later.

https://youtu.be/aJHrnxvwY98?t=18 Wish you all a great day <3

I had hell of breakthroughs via Meditation. I dont know, maybe just sit with whatever is and then you realize there is only you...and only you can change your "mind", what I even wouldnt call mind, so that you see the power of actually real observing and meditation being just with whatever is and always has been - already accepting.

So what's the solution? I guess Psychedelics?

Not if the practises are done properly. No-self = there is only you.