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  1. Once again, I've taken a fair bit of time to put together my research and thoughts on a specific topic in a precise and comprehensive way. This time on many of the various dynamics involved in the romantic interactions of humans. As always, I'd be delighted to get some thoughtful feedback or complements, and happy if it is helpful for some. Greetings from Berlin. Have a splendid week y'all. Mating_Psychology_2021-06-17.pdf Mating_Psychology_2021-06-17.pdf
  2. I've taken a fair bit of time to put together all my thoughts - in a precise and comprehensive way - on: The effect mechanisms of psychedelics. The safe and fruitful use of psychedelics to deepen one's understanding. I'd be delighted to get some thoughtful feedback or additions, and happy if it is helpful for some. Greetings from Berlin. Wishing y'all a splendid week. Psychedelics_general_2021-07-08.pdf
  3. I've taken a fair bit of time to put together all my thoughts on Friendship in a precise and comprehensive way. I'd be delighted to get some thoughtful feedback or complements, and happy if it is helpful for some. Notably, I see romantic relationships as special cases of friendship, distinguished due to its distinct evolutionary roots. Some parts are to be understood in the context of other perspectives of mine that are not delineated in this document, so just ignore them, if you can. The orange font can be ignored, too. Greetings from Berlin. Wishing y'all a splendid week. Friendship_2021-11-12.pdf
  4. I'm back from my retreat and I think I had either a very impure substance or a chemical analogue. I'd appreciate your opinion, guys. General information: The spoon I used holds 10mg (±2mg) of 5meo, I calibrated it again after returning home. Plugging method: Dissolved in 0.6-0.9ml fresh water, inserted 3-5cm (trip 1-3 on all fours, trip 4 standing), pressed the plunger slowly (~5s). I positively tested the substance with the Mecke and Hoffmann reagents a month ago. I have not conducted any other analyses like testing for the presence of common cutting agents or similar (wouldn't know which those could be). Brief trip reports: 26/07 4pm: Plugged ~5mg, 30min later ~10mg. Nothing happened. 27/07 9am: Plugged ~20mg. Felt like the threshold dose. Heaviness, light stomach pain, light tryptamine-like visuals. Effects were gone (90%+) at t+20min. 27/07 3pm: Plugged ~30mg. Felt like the light dose. More heaviness. No discomfort. Effects were gone at t+40-50min. 28/07 11am: Plugged ~45mg (see picture). Effects as before, just more intense and rather uncomfortable than interesting and definitely not facilitative for contemplation or "increasing general consciousness". I just waited for it to pass, which it did at t+50-60min. The discomfort felt more physical than psychological. The overall effect intensity was definitely lower than 10g of mushrooms or 350mcg LSD or Changa; I could still move and think and talk (I was alone). The possibilities I see: Either it wasn't 5meo or at least quite an impure one, or a chemical analogue that has the same duration of effect, or the dose was still too low, or I have huge psychological blockages (bit unlikely after 10 days of a great solo-retreat), or I have a rare metabolic abnormality. I might let a friend try plugging 20-30mg (my "light dose"). If he experiences "better" effects, I'll try snorting it myself. If he experiences the same effects, I'll try to get another batch from another research chemical website (again, I hope I'm allowed to say that). I might also send this one into a drug testing lab, if I find one that does a 5meo analysis. What do you think? Am I missing something or interpreting something erroneously?
  5. Thank you all very much for your quick help. It's a warm delight to have such access to like-minded people. I plugged 2 big spoons this morning and it felt like the threshold dose. Then 3 big spoons this afternoon and it felt like a light dose. Glad my "ass works right", as Leo said somewhere ?. Tomorrow I'll have a sitter here and I'll plug 4 or 5 big spoons. Then I'll see if I want to go higher and use the solo-retreat as it will probably be my only one of this length this year or if I let the medium dose settle and continue contemplating as before. Thanks again to all of you.
  6. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this but it's from a supposedly trustworthy research chemical site in the clear web and I positively tested it with the Mecke and Hoffmann reagents as written above.
  7. This afternoon I did the above and nothing happened. Some information: I got it as HCl one month ago from a supposedly trustworthy source, tested it positively with Mecke and Hoffmann reagents, and have stored it in the dark and mostly cool since then I hadn't eaten for 19h and took a dump right before I measured it with a microspoon (the spoon is supposed to measure 5mg on one side and 10mg on the other side, I think the same one as Leo uses in his how to plug video) It dissolved rapidly in water then I plugged it exactly as Leo described it in his how to plug video. I have never done 5-MeO-DMT before but 25+ serious trips with other substances. Never plugged though Only 1.5 months ago I prepared Yopo Snuff and snuffed a total of 5 seeds and nothing happened except some heavy body load and nausea I'm on the 8th day of my yearly solo-retreat and would very much appreciate this to work out. Does anyone have any advice or can point out a mistake I made? I will try to smoke it tomorrow with an improvised aluminiumfoil-cup-with-hole tool. Thanks in advance.
  8. If there's anything important missing or a piece of dubious information, let me know. Perfection was not my aim, a broad and deep theoretical understanding of the substance was. Happy if this helps. 5-MeO-DMT.pdf
  9. I decided to post all my past trips. This one is my first LSD trip in April 12,019 with my girlfriend. We both frequently meditated and had a good grasp of non-duality (mostly theoretical); she had never tripped before, I had. It was our second day in a remote mountain hut, we prepared everything nicely (fire in the stove, blankets, water, some fruit). Then, in the morning, I took 1 standard blotter, she 0,5. Around 30min in we gently started to notice effects. It was a pleasant come up, and after some 20min more, I realized we were just "thinking around". We went outside, which felt like a completely different world, and I jotted that psychedelics open doors, but we still need to walk through them. We both felt the desire to go deeper and shared the last 0,5 blotter. Then we sat inside again close to each other. We both wanted to express something, but couldn't do so verbally, still, we could communicate and sense each other clearly on another level. Wonderful. I contemplated and felt the complementation between us, it was a beautiful synergy and the balance constantly shifted from one to the other, i.e. one feeling more vulnerable, then the other. Appreciation. Unity. Other humans have gone this path before. I recognized how society's view of drugs had "daubed" me. Everything simply happens! Security from insecurity. We continued switching between inside and outside, it always felt like a new "chapter". We jumped around and felt very agile. I once jumped on a table and it felt (and looked to her) like I was being levitated up. Then it shifted more towards observation, non-dual inquiry. What is truly independent of ever-changing sense experience? Get answers right here from direct experience! I was genuinely curious..what is this intuition? A lot so funny and so random. Thought of the DMN (default mode network) and remembered "Oh well, that's also just a concept" Understood how people could trip for 12h. Everything felt so familiar. I realized that everything I picked up on LSD before started to make a bit more sense, like "Oh..that's how it is". We got familiar with the trip. Still trippin' Random things (we made hilarious puns with that in Italian, like "cose a caso") This "Oh! There's another thing I wanted to tell!" repeated often and we had great conversations. Again self-inquired and felt like I was repeatedly approaching non-duality edges, like in the one awakening I had a year ago. But these "non-duality edges", are they real or also conceptual? At one point I lied on the wooden floor and felt ACCEPTANCE. The night started to fall, we ate something inside, felt very comfortable, talked about various stuff, opened up (mostly me), very strong. Some things of my past came up, like some kind of bad relationship with knives (movie influence, past experiences) and the fear of letting go (especially connected with seeing a guy completely overwhelmed by drugs a year ago). Towards permanent awakening? Is that what's it about? Intuition longing. Like a group of fish beneath the surface and one keeps longing to get out of the water, which will kill the group through visibility to predators; like the ego that has to die when one part in us keeps longing. Reality is just everything coming together at an infinite rate. It is all simply about seeing the dynamic (=understanding) sharper. ------- Reflecting back a week after this was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. The trip high was pleasant and still, I managed to go somewhat deep. Future trip: feel the come up more consciously, take a higher dose, meditate more. Practice deep acceptance Remember that it is all simply about seeing the dynamic (=understanding) sharper. Give rise to this part longing for beyond. Look after you and the woman carefully. Has anyone else also experienced this fear of letting go or taking high doses of psychedelics after seeing someone who "couldn't handle" it?
  10. I decided to post all my past trips. This one is from November 12,018, my first try with N,N-DMT or, more accurately, a fake version. We didn't test the powder we had and we neither had an appropriate pipe, just a cup with a hole in the bottom and aluminum foil to heat the DMT on the top (used upside down). Because of this bad preparation, our first tries with measured doses didn't even have any effect. But the next morning I felt very determined (lots of theoretical study of deception and non-duality and some practice in the days before), loaded a big dose and pulled the shit out of it. The taste and the feeling in the airpipe was almost unbearable, then Boom. The effect was very similar to mushrooms, but the body felt pretty different, perception distorted. It kind of felt like everything was supposed to lead up to this point. Felt a few moments of "Help!", but not really fear. Then lied in bed, looked at the clock (had an appointment in a few hours, inapt, I know) and tried to focus on questioning about the nature of reality and self. But it really wasn't a great state for contemplation for me. Slowly I felt sobriety come back. I also thought of people describing euphoria in their trip reports and that it wasn't the case at all for me. I progressively let go more and more and got calmer and calmer. The only insight of those ~15min: Everything just is perfect. It's a process. Back then and now (after having smoked changa and eaten mushrooms several times) I'm sure it was a tryptamine, but most likely very unpure or something else than N,N-DMT (that's why I didn't bother mentioning the dose before, but it was around 150mg).
  11. I decided to post all my past trips. This one was my first psychedelic trip, on 29/03/18 At 6pm, I took 35g fresh home-grown golden teacher mushrooms, half raw, half with tea. I took this high amount after truffles 2 months earlier didn't have any effect and I was determined to go deep (solid meditation for the last 1,5 years and self-inquiry and study of non-duality for the last 0,5 year). In hindsight, I wouldn't necessarily have chosen a lower dose, but definitely a trip sitter. Unfortunately, I didn't know anyone even interested in psychedelics for spiritual growth, so I was alone at home. The following was written at the beginning of the trip and the next day: "20 minutes in I start feeling vibration on the body, my head feels heavy, slight discomfort in the stomach. Euphoria. The neck feels weird and I act odd, no visuals yet. Then some mild patterns on the ground and ceiling appear. I feel like my thoughts and behavior keeps repeating. After this everything felt like a dream, I lied in bed for a while and felt trapped. Tried to focus internally, to meditate and inquire, but couldn't continue for long. I was impatient and didn't remember myself well enough that everything's alright and only temporary. I didn't go into a negative spiral, but was agitated and just walked around, lied in bed, then stood up again and suddenly I felt a strong sense of relief, but not sobriety. Turned out I pissed on the floor. This kept going on for hours and I just wanted to feel "clear" again. My mother (no experience with psychedelics) was then around too, she looked at me a few times and said "Hello..hey"; I didn't reply much. Around 1 am I suddenly fell/lied on the carpet and felt a quite deep sense of acceptance "this is it now, that's how the world is now". Shortly after I - kind of peacefully - went to bed and slept. " So, looking back the main thing was a lack of experience, patience and awareness of the impermanence of it. However, on 10/5/18 (~1 month later), this happened: I listened to Leo's Audio "Life is a dream" in the morning on the bus. At the end he says "Hello, you in there, wake up!" and this instantly triggered a strong dejavu to the trip when my mom said almost the same. My whole body started tickling and I was kinda shocked. IT'S A FUCKING DREAM, IT'S ALL JUST A DREAM! It felt like a huuge bag of stones fell of my back and I felt a clarity like never before. I slowly got out of the bus, smiling boundlessly like I've never smiled before. I gently interacted with other people and it felt completely automatic. This sudden realization was very solid and obvious for around 4 hours before it started weakening. Life is a dream. A day later there was still a much greater sense of authenticity. But also still trapped. This experience was my strongest awakening until now (march 2020), I could lucidly feel it for many months after and it was a key fuel of my further inquiries.
  12. I mean differing between external sensations (sights, sounds) and internal sensations (thoughts, feelings) (how Leo explains in his mindfulness meditation video or how he expresses it in his guided meditation video) . I find that would enforce the paradigm of primary and secondary sensations, while in reality, there is no hierarchy. So just experiencing every sensation without labeling would be the logic conclusion, wouldn't it?
  13. Is it contraproductive for enlightment to differ between "external" and "internal" sensations in meditation?
  14. I think that's a great idea for you, which will push you towards even more open mindedness. And of course for each of us too, it will definitely supercharge our vision, inspiration, motivation etc. Anywhere in central Europe would be fine for me and my partner.