Psyche_92

Meh, i still don't understand it lol. Sometimes i wish i never knew about this. I've came to so many moments of wanting to go back to my old life, where i didn't care about seeking. Now i can't even stop it. It's a pain in the ass.

Do you know it when it happens? Or can it happen unrecognized.

I mentally know i'm consciousness, but i can't live it. I'm still struggling to let go off the need for control. I can see the pulls from ego, when it wants to claim something i'm doing, and i know that i am the one that sees, and not the do'er, but there is a lot of friction going on. I'm wondering if thoughts have an impact on decisions or actions. For example: when i wake up, and decide/think about not to go to the gym, the effect is i'm not going. But, after i start to feel guilty for not going, and making the choice to go instead, i am going. I know this decision is seen, and that "i" am also doing something else than i decided to do in the first place. After a decision like that, it looks like the "i" that feels guilty, am actually able to manipulate reality, and that "i" am the decision maker at that point. I know all of this is seen by consciousness, but i can't seem to "let go" off it.

How? What's the point of meditation after enlightenment?

Hello, Since my realization of true Self, i became more interested in careers that hold a high risk e.g. Cop, fireman, marines, army,.... I'm trying to define if this is a deeper longing of true self wanting to express itself, or just some random impulsive attack from ego. I had some interest in becoming a cop for some time, but it never was so intense. Thanks, Psyche_92

Since my internal voice and thoughts quietened down tremendously, i've been having some changes in motivation to eat healthy and workout. It just doesn't feel right anymore to push myself into the gym, to eat just to eat healthy and not because of genuine motivation and doing what my ego is telling me to do, if that makes any sense. It just feels wrong and pressured. Years ago i would have been mad at myself because of not sticking to my gym routine, or sticking to my diet, but if you think about it, what does it even matter? How stupid is it to be mad at myself honestly? I'm starting to become more interested in living a genuine live, rather than doing things that are actually not "me". Not sure how to handle these changes, because it's not only with gym, but also with other stuff in my life that i just dropped because they don't feel right anymore.

I wish this was the case, but it isn't. To be fair i don't feel like i have a mind that tells me good/bad anymore at all. There is just this feeling that what i'm doing is out of flow with what i should be doing, and from that feeling can occur a thought, if i'm lucky enough to neglect the feelings in my body long enough that is. Might sound weird, but that's how i'm experiencing it right now.

Paradoxically “I” stopped using ANY technique or trick. If you think about it it’s also doing something, but i did it unconscious, but even that is something that “i” am not sure of.

Yea that's how i woke up this morning. I don't know what else to say. Peace, oh yea and unity and love everywhere

Sometimes it's nice to take a break from manipulating the movie that's being played in front of "you". Lately "i've" been taking so much breaks, that "i" don't feel like manipulating it anymore. "I've" been taking so much breaks, that somehow "i" made the decision to just watch it. Guess what, it's a good movie tho. hahahaha

"I" don't know what genre it is, but "i" am in for an adventure.

Hey, How is it possible, that from the viewpoint of non-duality were everything is happening, "we" are able to manipulate "that what's happening" in such a way that it even seems to us like something is improving, aka self-development? Also, aren't we extending the illusion for ourselves, by even thinking that we can manipulate reality?

Hey all, I think i just had a first glimpse of enlightenment. I came back from my gym, riding with my bike through the forest. As i was riding, i was looking around at the trees and everything, and all of a sudden it felt like i got sucked into reality. My eyeview got very wide and it felt like everything "I" was seeing as something outside of me before, got pulled behind me and i stepped into it. I don't know how to explain it really. It almost felt like my head and body got ripped open and "I" jumped out of it, flying freely into the world, being one with it. It also felt like my mind got thrown behind me and "I" came first. As this was happening i got scared, and a thought popped up, which quickly ended this occurring. Back was the distinction between me and what i was seeing outside of me. It again looks like there is an outer world right now. I'm trying to get back to it, but my mind is in the way of it right now. Was this a glimpse? I never ever had this in my life before.

Hello, If "my voice" is creating concepts and beliefs about truth and reality. Is it then "my voice" "i" have to quiet down and ultimately eliminate?

Hey all, my title pretty much sums up how i'm feeling at the moment. Over the past 2 years i've been self-actualizing myself, up to the point where i can honestly say my ego was healthy again. There were moments were i was transcending it, feeling very present. I faced all my fears, got rid of my social anxiety for 90% and started to operate from a place of abundance, i just felt whole again. My biggest problem back in the days were the scars that i got from getting bullied for years in primary school up until high school. With that in mind, i genuinely started to feel happy again, full of life, but right now i feel like i've lost everything i've gained in 1 day, after having an EMDR session with my therapist 2 days ago. Because of some memories of my past ( bullies ), i wanted to do an EMDR session with my therapist, feeling like it would be cool if also those memories could get numbed out. We did the session, but i could only focus on a picture that flashed in my mind, showing the faces of my bullies. It took about an hour, and i didn't really feel like the EMDR did it's job. My therapist told me that she felt like it wasn't severe enough anymore for EMDR to be effective, because there were no strong feelings in my body attached to them anymore. After the session i got home and started to feel kind of mellow. The day after my session, i could really feel that something was not right, because i woke up depressed after a horrible sleep with some nightmares involved. During the day i just couldn't forget the picture i had during the EMDR session, and it didn't leave me alone, so i decided to meditate. Today it's 2 days ago, woke up a little bit happier but still kind of depressed. As quickly as i was awake, the picture flashed in my mind again, which got me in a bad mood yet again. I tried to stay positive, going to the gym thinking that would make me feel better, but it honestly was a very bad idea. At first my mood was getting better, lifting some weights, sweating, but then all of a sudden, 2 of my past bullies got in the gym. I couldn't really believe it at first, because i never saw them in my gym before. They were looking down on me, but i didn't really care too much, still it left me in awe. I'm feeling shitty right now, and kind of defeated. I thought i got over all of this, and i really felt like something in me had changed. I'm so scared that i've lost everything i've gained. I was becoming such a happy person, and right now everything is foggy, i seem to have lost it all again. I'm hoping this is just some kind of dip or after effect of the EMDR, and that i will feel like the old me, who was feeling at least a 8 out of 10 for most of my days. I'm planning to add some extra meditation to get me out of this rut, but i'm not sure if i can "force" this. I also know that i just have to come at peace with feeling this way, but it's hard.

Hello, i'm almost certain that i either am scared of success, or that i'm having serious self doubt. I've been doing the LP course for some time now, and at the moment i'm at the life purpose exercises. During the course i've got some good epiphany's that resonate with me, but i'm always doubting myself as if it's possible for me or not. This is not new to me, since i'm always doubting my ability to do things, only to find out later that i'm capable of a lot more than i thought i was. With this in mind, i'm still not able to take the right actions in life because something is holding me back. It's like i'm feeling not worthy of having a passion in life, or either not worthy of success. Something in between those two. How can i get to the root of this? I've been bullied a big chunk of my teenage years, and i feel like something in me has not recovered from it yet, which leads to this.

Same.

Pretty bad. I've been fighting it on and off for about 2 years, and today i can safely say that i'm done with it. Life simply got too beautiful for me to ruin it with a stupid addiction like that. You will get there. keep fighting, keep growing ( especially awareness ).

Nothing is what it seems

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why" - Mark Twain

Hello all, i'm very confused at the moment, and i'm having some questions. These questions might sound weird and i'm even having a hard time to really explain what i'm contemplating on right now. The questions that i'm contemplating on right now are: -From the viewpoint of enlightenment and living a selfless life. What's the point of personal-development, since that's ultimately an ego-driven act/journey? -Is the goal of personal development simply a way of becoming more openminded towards everything? -Why is personal development even a necessity if the end goal is enlightenment on itself? -If the road to unconditional happiness is enlightenment. What's the point of having a life purpose at all? Since a life purpose is always selfish and driven by ego in the end? In one way i feel like these questions don't have a point at all, but in another way they sound very nihilistic to me. Where do i go from here? I feel like somethings missing in my life, yet i know that i can't look for anything else outside of me to become complete, because i'm already complete. I also feel like i don't have to add anything to my life, rather removing things, but that literally leaves me with doing NOTHING at all.

Hello guys, for a long time i've been dealing with memories from the past, especially from being bullied as a child, and i can't seem to find a way to stop letting them affect me. For the most part they come and go, and when they come they tend to stick for several hours, and i can't really help but feel very sad and depressed during that time. Since yesterday i'm having a really hard time again, because i saw one of my bullies while i was outside. Even though it was over 6 years ago, i can still feel the pain and anxiety when i see them in public, and they mess my day up in a total if this happens. I tried to look them in the eye, and even at this age they are grinning at me like they remember what they've done and don't care about it. I'm sick of it, since this is holding me back from living a normal life, getting outside on a normal basis and not just once in a while, getting a job, meeting new people ( i have no friend right now, but also undeserving i feel). Because of this i'm experiencing social anxiety, which makes it very hard for me to go out in public, since i'm always scared that i will face one of em, when for example i want to go to the grocery store. Lately i'm trying to tell myself that they ruined my past, and that i don't want to let them ruin my life, but the pain is so deep that the anxiety quickly takes over again. I'm trying to meditate each day for about an hour, and practice being in the present moment but it's not helping that much. I'm 24 right now, and in my head i have so many plans for the future, but i just can't help and feel like i will never deserve a good life ( i think that i feel undeserving of being happy because of years of bullying in my childhood ). Sometimes i'm even considering living abroad to start a whole new life, in a different environment with different people, far away from all the shitty people that ruined my past, so that i don't have to see them anymore. At the same time i feel like i don't have to move, because i didn't do anything wrong, and they are the bad people, but yeah... If anyone has tips on dealing with this, that would be highly appreciated.

Hey guys, i just came home from the gym, and i have to say it wasn't as easy to complete the session as i thought. i know it's normal to have a hard time after so long, but it was more of a bad mental state i got, as i started my workout. I started to feel like shit, and thoughts of why i started doing this again, how i'm probably going to give up,... all sorts of these thoughts start to pop up and they kind of took over. It's not the first time that this happens, and i know it's my subconscious mind being a pussy, but i can't seem to get past it. On a conscious level: -i feel that i owe it to life, that i take care of my body by working out and eating healthy. -i also know that when i would keep working out my confidence would rise, which would help some with my social anxiety -i also know that when i would keep working out, my discipline would rise which gets me into a loop of getting things done that need to be done ( to have a good life ) On a subconscious level: -i feel lazy and just don't want to do anything -i feeling like i'm wasting my time in the gym and that i want to be home as soon as possible. -i rather sit on my pc Not only do i have this while going to the gym, but mostly it's holding me back from literally living my life the way i see and want it on a conscious level. In the past i wasn't aware of this, but now i am due self-improvement, and i want to get past it since this is what holds me back from living my life. What can i do? Greets, Psyche_92

Hello guys, This is my first time posting on this forum, and I’m not sure if this is the right place to drop my message, but I did it anyways. So yea, for some months now I’m feeling kind of “weird” about everything in life. I’m 24, and I’m still living together with my mom, currently unemployed living from saved up cash from my last job. I don’t really have any friends, and because of my “problem” i also grew apart from my mom and family. This all started after I fell into a bad depression a year ago, which i’ve gone to therapy for back then. After ending therapy, i felt like a totally new person and started to get really into psychology. I really digged it, and started reading tons of books, watching a lot of online videos on YouTube and also about seminars, not only about psychology but also about self-development. Months went by, and mentally i felt myself growing everyday. I became isolated, but i didn't even care about it, because i was so hardcore into self-development, i guess you could have called me a self-help junkie back then. It wasn't until i started to learn about consciousness, conscious/sub-conscious mind that i really started to question my past. I came across Eckhart-Tolle and his books, and experienced being aware for the first time in my life. It was like i became a totally new person again, but this time i felt like i entered a new life dimension. My social anxiety was almost gone in an instant, and my negative thoughts flushed away. I literally thought that this was the destination i was looking for all my life, and that i had finally found it. This really felt like i took the door out of the matrix, not to exaggerate, but yeah. A month ago i found out about non-duality,enlightenment, and ego which i feel brought me into this weird kind of state. I feel like my family and a lot of people around me are just chasing their tails, living very unconsciously and i'm living in the midst of it. I don't really seem to care about anything anymore, and i'm amazed at how stupid and unconscious i was living my life a year ago, doing jobs that are so stupid without any purpose, it's ridiculous. I just see everyone getting in relationships for the wrong kinds of reasons, how my mom is overeating because she can't cope with herself when she's alone without her boyfriend, how my sister is living a life of addiction, and i can't really help but get frustrated about it, heck i can't even stand to be near them anymore because they are so ignorant, it saddens me honestly. ( i know this is my ego, but i can't help it for now ) I'm wishing for a life of independency, but because of this weird state i can't help but stay unemployed, because a lot of jobs i could apply for at the moment, are good for people who are asleep and living an unconscious life? I don't know, that's how i see it right now. I also feel very limited in my choices, because of my past that for the most part was driven by trauma, bad conditioning and negative beliefs which didn't gave me the space to grow, but neither to be my authentic self, and also caused me to run away from my bullies at school, ending up without a good diploma. The only thing that keep me busy nowadays are self-development, and i just started the life purpose course of Leo a week ago. I hope this course is going to give me some new insights, which will lead me to my life purpose, but still i need to have some kind of money to depend on in the meantime, which i don't know how i'm going to do just yet. If you guys have any advice, it will be highly appreciated. I'm glad i found out about Leo, but also about this forum. At least i don't feel alone anymore right now, i guess? Greetz Psyche_92